Family fall out over ‘baby shower’

[Neverendingsummer26]

I’m pregnant with my first child and due next month. My mum & sister were really keen to throw me a baby shower but it wasn’t something I wanted so I politely declined their offer. I know they were really disappointed but nothing more was said about it.

My birthday is also next month so a couple of weekends ago I organised a dinner with all my friends as probably unlikely I will be able to celebrate this year.

I had absolutely no prior knowledge of this but my friends decided to turn my bday dinner into a bit of a baby shower with decorations and a few games and then a few of them put photos all over social media (I’m not on it myself). My sister saw the posts and she & my mum are absolutely livid with me, saying I’ve deliberately excluded them and always prioritise my friends over family.

Since then I’ve not heard anything from my sister although I have found out that she is now going on a work trip the week of my due date which I know she’d previously said no to as she didn’t want to miss meeting my baby.

I obviously appreciate that it could look like I did leave them out but I honestly had no idea what my friends were planning and I’m actually starting to get really annoyed that my last month of pregnancy is being over shadowed by this. AIBU to think I did nothing wrong and my mum & sister need to move on now ? After it all kicked off initially I said they could organise me a family one for the 3 of us but they didn’t want to

Disinclined to make any further fuss of her, in the sister's case.

It’s fine for your sister to go on her work trip, she should be any way, and of course if they wished to throw a baby shower this looks bad, but just say it was a surprise and it was a birthday celebration. And then don’t refer to it again.

Hang on, let me get this right, so it was quite far in advance of your birthday, it was a dinner, and they were able to decorate the venue with decorations and do games? What sort of venue were you hosting the birthday dinner at, as most restaurants would not allow this.

Sounds like they wanted one for their own enjoyment and not OP’s. To blank your own daughter and sister who is 8 months pregnant because she had a surprise baby shower thrown for her is ridiculous. I can’t see why anyone would defend this.

I said I didn’t want a baby shower to my family because my MIL and SIL ruined my wedding and my hen do by creating drama over nothing, so I didn’t want a repeat of that. My closest friends threw me a surprise baby shower as did my work colleagues, I genuinely knew nothing about them, my family didn’t bat an eyelid.

I think people are being bit disingenuous to pretend that there wouldn’t be hurt feelings if a loved one said you couldn’t throw them then you found out via social media that they’d had one with their mates and you weren’t invited.

without context it seems like OP didn’t mind a shower, she didn’t want one with them involved. Of course it’s hurtful.

they shouldn’t be being petty but they can communicate their hurt and allow you to explain. Don’t get bogged down in it, explain once and then no more thoughts on it. Enjoy this last month without any aggro.

I think it was thrown at her rather than for her!

This. All of this. Why are they so bloody touchy? They sound like hell to be around. Explain the situation once and once only and be done with them. So much drama over something completely outside of your control.

Although it wasn't really your fault your mum and sister are obviously hurt by this. You just need to explain it wasnt meant to be a baby shower but a birthday meal and hope it is forgotten about.

Is there a backstory to you putting your friends first over them, as you mention that’s what they said?

Weirdly they are making it all about them. What a shame. You can only tell them the truth OP, the rest is up to them. Don't sweat it, you're going to be mighty busy soon and have no time to worry about drama.

No, but why would she? She was expecting to meet up for b'day. It's not common practice to list all the things we don't want to happen in advance to friends, just in case.

Did you explain immediately to your sister and mum that the "baby shower" was sprung on you and you knew nothing about it as it was meant to be a dinner ?
If you did, i dont think you did anything wrong. If you didnt and let them think you had a baby shower without them after declining their offer of a baby shower then perhaps you were wrong not to.
This seems to be a communication issue .
I hope you can talk to your family and sort this out.

Yet another fake thread? So many atm.

This.
Ridiculous juvenile behaviour.
If they have form for this, take it as a win and take space.
You really do not need such drama in your life with a baby.

Her mum did say she always chooses friends over family, if that is true then maybe there is back story to explain why her mum is so hurt and upset. Because, from her mum’s perspective, if this is something OP has form for, it would be really very hurtful.

But what sort of place do you organise a birthday dinner and they let you decorate it and have games??