To try for baby (boy) #5?

[TrueViper]

Im 28 and my partner is 27. We have 4 boys. 8, 6 (7 in Dec), 4 and 23 months. My last pregnancy was tough and we were firmly done after he was born

Then at the start of the year we talked and we were more leaning towards baby 5 over being done but we didnt want another winter baby if we could avoid it (obviously we wouldnt have been able to fully plan) and we agreed to talk about it later in the year. We homeschool and back in January was a real struggle with homeschooling the older 2, and keeping the baby entertained he was 16 months and it was HARD because he wanted to be into everything. Also we had bug after bug and it was just not a fun time.

I then had a pregnancy scare in February that seemed to make me feel we were done but maybe because of all the stress. But now the time has gone on and I want another baby, my older 2 are going to school which is their choice so they’re starting year 4 and year 2, part of me is anxious they’ll hate it (i had bad experiences in school) but i’m happy they’re willing to try, they’re sociable children and are part of a football club and recently did a summer sports camp and we were part of a homeschooling group where we met up once a week

If they’re going to school I feel I would be able to handle baby #5, especially as there’d be over a 2.5 year age gap if we got pregnant straight away.

It’s not any of the ridiculousness about us wanting a girl as we’d likely have another boy anyway (hence the title)

WWYD?

Why would it? I’m pretty sure who died is completely and utterly irrelevant to her question.

What you consider “a nice life” or “quality of life” for your children is aligned with your values. Not everybody will agree with you. It is possible to do things differently and less expensively!

She’d better give one of them back so

I was thinking maybe OP wanted to 'complete' her family with a girl!

Well you need to get married pronto for death in service benefits and 6f pension etc given his job is high risk
Do that immediately registry office
And insurance in case he cannot work
Then look at your finances

OP I have 5 kids - well they now range in age from 16 through 23 . They are wonderful BUT please don't be duped by costs when they are small.

They become INCREDIBLY expensive as adults - driving lessons, tests and licences , university fees, clothes and hair cuts, for us golf and tennis club memberships, instrument tuition at a high level, FOOD ( OMG 20 k a year in after tax inxome - teenage boys are bottomless), travel costs , health insurance , being charged as an adult on holidays . It really , really adds up .
We have high combined income and still spend every cent every month .
Just something to think about !

FFS, 4 children, not working, thinking about a 5th ... and you're not even married? Unless you have a trust fund or are independently wealthy, which it doesn't sound like at all, you are potentially totally screwed financially if something happens to your partner or he leaves.

Nobody NEEDS children

I haven't read all the comments so not sure if anyone has mentioned this already but honestly with the state of the world and the planet I can't imagine why anyone thinks its a good idea to have lots of children.

I would concentrate on looking after the 4 you already have!

Potentially 5 kids, 1 full time income 2 adults and a 4/5 bed house? The math ain't mathing. I'd make a guess as to the taxpayer having a massive input into your coffers. So no, 4 is enough (probably too many)

How incredibly odd to imagine that you can directly paste my suggestion to a young woman in 2026, who has explicitly asked for input on her dilemma, and assume that I would think it applied to your mother, who presumably had her children some time in the mid to late twentieth century.

She started having kids at 20 … unless she’s won the lottery, has a rich husband or rich parents, I think we know the answer to this!

I assumed they were married though?

Potentially a good idea if someone has mentioned the “J” word

I have five boys. They are now youngish adults. Mine were very close together because of two twin births. Its HARD. It became especially hard when they got older and were all headed to uni. We had four in at the same time. We were skint. Luckily both DH and I make a decent living and could support all of us, but it was hard. My hat is off to you, thought. There is no way I could have home schooled my kids.

It guess its relevant though as if they are living in poverty then having another child is not going to be a good idea.

When choosing to have a child surely most people consider whether they can afford a child and whether they have space for a child.
Therefore asking about earnings is a reasonable question.

In lots of cultures it's perfectly normal to have lots of children, even in today's world.

I've know lots of people who only had 1, or none, so OP is having their 'allocation'.

Hey - I thought the state pension was funded by the NI contributions you (personally) make. Hence the importance of keeping them up

I know it's already been said, but I just wanted to reiterate that you really need to factor in the cost of teenagers and young adults. I didn't, luckily turning out okay but they are so expensive. School uniform and school supplies are a lot more expensive in secondary school. They also want more money to do activities with friends, clothing is a lot more expensive, gifts they want these days are a lot more expensive with all the tech gadgets. Further education can include expensive equipment and trips, usually travel is needed which is £70 per month for my DS at college.
I didn't look into student maintenance loans and accommodation costs until DS started A-Levels and I am shocked! I thought it was only the very wealthy who would not be entitled to the full loan but it's actually a really low cut off for the full loan and even the full loan wouldn't cover his living costs. Little jobs that students did when I was one seem to have disappeared and many students struggle to find a job to earn some spending money. He has wanted to go to uni since he started high school and he is very academic so I can't take that chance away from him but I am expecting to have to pay out several hundred a month to him when he goes, as well as continuing to keep a room for him to use in the holidays and his food costs during holidays. If my DD decided to go to uni too I will have a year of paying this out x2 as well as having a primary school child to pay for.
Driving lessons too, not essential if you're not rural but I felt I should pay to give them a good start in life, they've doubled in price since I learned to drive.
I really don't know how I could do it if I had 5 close together. I know they'd always be fed and have shelter, but to not give them all the opportunities their peers can have with activities/uni/driving etc would feel awful.

Only if the kids work.

It’s not funded by payments you personally make. The NI payments that come off your pay don’t go into an account with your name on it for retirement, they are spent at the time by the government.
The money you then receive in state pension is funded from current taxpayers.

They've no SEN, a father present and working full time and parents who care about their education. I see no reason why their children wouldn't be in employment.