To try for baby (boy) #5?

[TrueViper]

Im 28 and my partner is 27. We have 4 boys. 8, 6 (7 in Dec), 4 and 23 months. My last pregnancy was tough and we were firmly done after he was born

Then at the start of the year we talked and we were more leaning towards baby 5 over being done but we didnt want another winter baby if we could avoid it (obviously we wouldnt have been able to fully plan) and we agreed to talk about it later in the year. We homeschool and back in January was a real struggle with homeschooling the older 2, and keeping the baby entertained he was 16 months and it was HARD because he wanted to be into everything. Also we had bug after bug and it was just not a fun time.

I then had a pregnancy scare in February that seemed to make me feel we were done but maybe because of all the stress. But now the time has gone on and I want another baby, my older 2 are going to school which is their choice so they’re starting year 4 and year 2, part of me is anxious they’ll hate it (i had bad experiences in school) but i’m happy they’re willing to try, they’re sociable children and are part of a football club and recently did a summer sports camp and we were part of a homeschooling group where we met up once a week

If they’re going to school I feel I would be able to handle baby #5, especially as there’d be over a 2.5 year age gap if we got pregnant straight away.

It’s not any of the ridiculousness about us wanting a girl as we’d likely have another boy anyway (hence the title)

WWYD?

How has a (young) woman from a family of 5 inherited a large home? As a PP said…were there 5 large properties to go around?

Unless the boyfriend inherited it, in which case it’s not OP’s property, and she’s stuffed if they break up.

It’s an anonymous forum unless you’re going to take what an op says at face value there really is no point even wasting your time commenting.

Wow sounds lovely, if you want another just go for it. Although, you could wait a few years and then have another two close together...! You're so young, what a privilege! If finances genuinely aren't a worry then really it's just a heart decision.

We dont have social housing these days ?
Well thats news to me as in sit in my social housing house 🤔

... and presumably her partner?

I wish these threads didn’t always descend into people asking about earnings and assuming benefits etc. It’s a thread about a mum thinking of having another baby. Can we stop with the curtain twitching?

Four is too many

Honestly I can’t believe that you’re not married, have no real qualifications, and don’t work at all.

Did you inherit the house or did your partner?

If, as I suspect, your partner, do you have any idea of what a precarious situation you’ve put yourself in? If he cheated, started behaving like a twat, got ill or died, how would you support your other kids? Do you have savings, a pension, a plan? Honestly no one thinks this will happen until it does and in your case you’d be homeless, no income, no qualifications, no way to earn an income and no spousal rights. The only thing you’d get if you split up would be some child maintenance and it would likely be a pittance because your partner is not a high earner. You’d not be entitled to live in the house or to any of its value.

You are still young. I’d go to uni as soon as you can, get qualified, get married, make sure you get some savings under your belt (either for a rainy day, or uni) and then consider whether to add another child to the mix.

Who knows maybe she had a very rich aunt / godparent who left eveeything to her?

Spelling practice and homework are literally free. Extra curricula's you usually get a sibling discount. I’m younger than the op and have three kids had my first two before I was even 20 so shoot me 😂

I think it’s nice a couple with a dedicated mother and hard working father are having a family not enough of that happening these days.

Our grandparents were SAHMs and fathers who usually had jobs less well paying than a fireman and they somehow turned out a lot more well rounded than many kids these days are.

I think if you have 4 healthy kids already, you’ve been very lucky.
I have 4, my first two were so happy and content and youngest 2 are close in age only a year gap so when I was pregnant with my last I had no idea my then one year old was going to be as hard work as she was with severe behaviour problems autism and oppositional defiance, I could cope until I had her and then I couldn’t and dealing with her with an even younger one is really difficult.

A good question would be how would another affect your children?

Wait to see how the older two get in at school. They might need loads of support to bring their education level to the same as their peers.
It maybe a difficult hard road and then add a baby in not ideal

wow, you must have excellent genes and be incredibly intelligent if you think the world needs 5 of your offspring that you’ve educated yourself

In this economy you have a massive family OP.

I think you really need to think about increasing costs (time & money) as your children grow older. Five may be fine now but in a few years it may be harder than you think.

Also get married already. Your DH is in a dangerous job. What happens to all of you if, God forbid, he dies in the line of duty? I can't believe you both haven't sorted this out yet with so many children!

Maybe but I think it would help if this was clarified.

Oh we don't have social housing these days? Tell me more about that please ....I must be paying my rent for nothing then to my local council. What on earth are you on about? 🙄😂

Absolutely not. You’re already oversubscribed for what you can financially and attention wise afford. It would be pretty selfish.

You were twenty when you became a mother. You have barely experienced any adulthood without small children and, completely understandably, you don't really know who you are when you are not needed by a tiny baby. It's a very common experience and it's understandable that you feel pulled towards recreating the familiar but it's not a reason to have another child. Giving yourself time and space to find out what you want out of life aside from motherhood will make you a better parent and a happier human overall.

If you hand on heart genuinely don't want a girl, then why expand an already large family and divide your time and resources even more? You have four healthy boys and so much to look forward to as they grow.

Yes, that’s likely. Also likely she wouldn’t have mentioned it by now if that were indeed the case. Fire fighters are also at risk of dying at work in a way no other occupation is, how irresponsible to not even be married to the mother of his 4 kids.

Ummmm. Ok, you didn't have to say it.

They have no housing costs.

Read all of OP'S posts, it's not difficult.

The planet is overpopulated, the maximum anyone needs is two. Having more when you already have double that seems irresponsible, to put it politely.

My mother had her first at 20 and then 4 more.
I don't think she would have appreciated being patronised by you.
She was fulfilled, a very good parent and very happy.

Parents spend more time with their children now than they did in the past. Kids with mothers at home were often sent out all day to play (I know my parents both were).

And judging by the posts about adult children's parents on here they didn't all turn out fine.

Nasty.