To think a man with five kids he barely sees won’t be considered a catch on the dating scene?

[Bezerk]

It’s my ex. I am feeling quite bitter tonight and could do with some reassurance that he won’t continue getting everything he wants…

A relationship won't mean he's landing on his feet. He's missing out on seeing his gorgeous children grow. It will be hard, but you're the one with the important things

If he’s hot and potentially a liar then all bets are off. He’ll be getting plenty of sex im sure.

Agree unless the guy is a footballer or crazily rich and can afford nannies or CMS for them all!

But then you should have taken a better look at his kids and his ex. Did you speak to her, watch how his kids interacted with him, lived with him and his kids to actually know what type of father he was. There will have been signs op.

Is that assumption always wrong, though?
Here we have a man who is out on bail for assaulting a toddler.
Yet the concern from @Bezerk is will he be a catch to another woman.

I think it's fair to say that most sensible wouldn't give a shit what he was up to dating wise as long as he was away from them!

When I met the womwn who is now my wife I had a son by my first marriage

Fortunately given the opportunity to demonstrate her challenging and inappropriate behaviour my ex wife grabbed it with both hands.

Calling a spade a spade is not misogynistic.
What could be argued is misogynistic are all that women beliving that all women before them were "crazy bitches" without a question imho

Short-medium term he might find another woman and look like he's winning at life, but long-term he's lining himself up for a miserable and lonely old age, full of regrets.

You, on the other hand, are on track to be able to reap the benefits of having been a good and loving mother, with adult children who love and appreciate you and trust you with their grandchildren.

I know which position I'd rather be in, however tough it is right now.

Not with a 1000 foot barge pole!! No way.

Utter twat. Angry on your behalf OP.

No matter how good looking, charming and witty a man may be, if he has 5 children I wouldn't be interested. Waaaaaay too much baggage.

Although I once refused to date a man who didn't drive (I'm picky) and got annihilated on MN for it.

That’s a bit victim blaming on OP. To be fair she did suggest a Clare’s Law disclosure. She probably should’ve mentioned that at first though.

He’ll spin the usual story - evil woman who stopped him seeing his kids, broken hearted gentle soul, needs the healing of a good woman. Blah blah blah. Women fall for it every time

I have a STBXH and he was incredibly manipulative and wasn’t mean or nasty about his ex. Spoke about her empathically and with a really good way of acting like a victim. No kids involved. I fell for it. I was the proverbial boiled frog. It’s taken five years of therapy and two very good friends who understand narcissistic abuse for me to fully see just how manipulative he is - it’s frightening because I’m intelligent, savvy, work in the sphere of supporting people post abuse, I’m strong minded, etc but it has had such an impact that I literally no longer trusted my own judgement. I didn’t even trust my own experience of my physical state or emotional state. I’d actually tell myself in my head ‘you are making this up, you don’t really feel XYZ’. Even though I felt XYZ.

I am just over a year out and I still gaslight myself sometimes. It changes you. But none of it is obvious at first. The behaviour doesn’t start straight away. my ex was warm, empathic and seemed to understand me like no one else had. He seemed sensitive and gentle.

Looking back it was love bombing.

He fits the Lundy Bancroft ‘Mr Sensitive Abuser’ profile perfectly and I think they are the hardest to spot.

I am sure certain woman will take him on or in
Unless he is using it for casual hpok ups only not involving the family.
Anyone with kids it is a ground to quiery why especially 5.
Hope hes been neutred.

You considered him a catch with three…

Some women wouldn’t touch him with a barge pole. Some won’t care if he has 5 kids or 500.

Like men, you get nice women and shitty women, shitty women will love a man like you have described.

It's not victim-blaming at all to observe that having assaulted her toddler her main concern should be with their safety and not who he's shagging.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of women who will believe his tale of woe - crazy exes who won't allow him to see his children, that he's a great dad, etc. Until they become a crazy ex, too.

Women really don't help themselves sometimes.

There’s always going to be someone stupid enough to believe a man’s version of events.

Yup!. He will always find so someone to have him. He hardly has his 5 kids so has plenty of time to gallivant and be all romantic. Men like this don't stay single . Its very galling and depressing but we must carry on 😔

I don’t know what your problem is. Of course my priority is my kids, that’s why I’m engaging with the police and social services to ensure he can’t harm them further. That’s why I called the police to have him removed from our home. That’s why I work nearly full time with no support to pay for them whilst receiving nothing from their dad. That’s why I’m bloody exhausted.

I am pissed off that he gets to waltz into fun, carefree dates and undisturbed nights and free time, whilst I will never have that lifestyle again. I can feel that whilst still prioritising my kids.

There we are then. You've been told that he's still likely to be getting women if he's hot and charming enough.
What else is there to say.
Some women have hybristophilia. Fact.

Personally I would not give a shiny shit what he was up to as long as he stayed away from me and the children.

Being on MN we all know how low some people set their bars.

Girl there will be a long line of women unfortunately. Especially if he’s good looking, has a decent job and the gift of the gab. For every one woman who says I wouldn’t touch him 3 more absolutely would.

TBH I think anyone, male or female, with 5 kids by more than one partner, is best swerved if you are looking for stability and reliability. Certainly wouldn’t marry them or have more kids with them.