To leave holiday early even if it will upset my dd?

[ChiefArk]

I have 3 children - DD25 DS18 DS15. Currently away with DD and my 8 month old granddaughter and her partner. the boys are staying with their dad as neither wanted to go

DS18 has T1D which he hates but he's used to it and he usually is responsible but I will admit he was 13 when he was diagnosed and a lot of my time has gone on him and worry tbh, I don't worry about my other 2 as much as they don't give me any reason to worry!!
He doesn't talk about his feelings ever and he ended up failing his A levels which wasn't a huge shock as his attendance was poor

He's been quiet but he when he left to go to his dad's he seemed fine. I had a message from my youngest saying that ds1 had been taken to hospital because he'd messed his blood sugar levels up by eating loads of sweets and he did it over a girl. I messaged their dad because that was a 15 year olds account of things and he pretty much confirmed it and said he's handling it but when I asked if someone from the mental health team is going to talk to him he said no because DS doesn't need it but I think he does if he's done that over a girl.

His dad was quite angry he failed his A levels so i imagine he wouldve been on at him since he went there.

We landed Saturday night so we’re only 2 days in but im worrying about DS and want to go home but DD is furious, she usually gets on with him but she said he always tries to steal the attention like this and said if I leave it proves i care more about him and not her or her other brother or my granddaughter which isnt true. I don’t know how ill enjoy myself though for the next week especially whilst hes still in hospital as his dad said he had DKA and still is quite unwell but arguing with him about wanting him and everyone to leave him alone. I dont know who “everyone” is hes only been staying with his dad and brother

I feel stuck between my 2 children

He’s done this twice now. OP is with DD, and he puts himself in hospital intentionally.

She was 19. And how many times on here do people say about how often uni aged offspring need guidance and attention

Seriously, scraping the barrel now.

Who's to say she didn't get attention and guidance? I'm well able to give my adult DC the same while being the mother of a T1D teenager.

She has a Mum who goes on holiday with her and her partner so they obviously have a close relationship. Unlikely her Mum has neglected her in that case. She sounds very spoilt and immature, especially being a mother herself.

I bet it is down to the DD wanting childcare.

She's the one trying to control her mother in being 'furious' at her for wanting to go to home to her son who's in hospital with a serious medical condition!

The son is manipulating the situation and his diabetes for attention.

Give it 24 hours and talk to him on the phone. Ask him if he would like you to come back early or if he is OK with seeing you next week. If he says mum please come then go. Yes you deserve a holiday, but you'll spend the whole time worrying. Your DD has her partner and child with her, they'll be fine (even if they lose a bit of free granny childcare). Your son is clearly struggling.

I don't worry about my other 2 as much as they don't give me any reason to worry!!

I didn't give my mother any reason to worry either. But my sister gave her plenty both in childhood and adulthood.

It didn't mean I didn't need my mother to worry about me. It didn't mean that I didn't want her to show as if she was worried about me and concerned about me. It didn't mean I didn't need help or guidance. Just because I wasn't needing mental health support constantly screwing my life up the way my sister was.

The resentment has carried on well into adulthood. And I still feel the unfair treatment after my mother's death.

If that's how you want your daughter to feel too, then go right ahead.

DkA is a genuine emergemcy its life threatening .

And. It. Is. His. Own. Fault.

Done on purpose to distract from his awful school performance, failing love life, and seemingly because he’s jealous of his mum spending time with his sister.

Yeah, but he's in hospital and his father.Is there.

In your situation I would also want to leave (my DS has T1). Your son clearly needs a lot of support. I assume many posters saying they would stay don't know that DKA is life-threatening. I actually think your daughter is out of order and very immature. She didn't grow up with him as T1, does she fully appreciate what life is like for him? Maybe he's acting selfishly but it's a cry for help. Your daughter is equally selfish.

And he is in the hospital being treated by the medical professionals.

He is an adult who gets to control his own care and can block his mum and dad from getting any information.

Op can’t actually do anything other than if he allows sit and hold his hand.

Dd has her own child now. She needs to grow up and stop talking about favouritism.

Her child and partner are also on the holiday. I'm shocked posters think she's in the right.

I would stay, not because your adult daughter is having a little strop but because your child is getting the medical attention he needs and has his other parent with him.

I do feel sorry for him though. He is 18 and has clearly had to learn to deal with his diabetes at the same time that he has been going through teenage years, so a tough time. It’s a hard thing to do at any time but when all your mates are able to eat and drink what they want and are not tied to a medical regime it is very hard, and it is not uncommon for young diabetics to get rebellious about their enforced lifestyle and for that to spill out into other areas of their lives.

It may be life threatening but it’s his own choice, done to manipulate those around him. Obviously dad isn’t so laidback about his shit school performance so he’s had to do this.

Wether its his own fault or not its still a very serious condtition
It very nearly killed my son its not some thing to take lightly.

Then he shouldn’t mess about, should he?

Are you ususlly this dismissive?
Hes 18 and put himself in a very dangerous situation
I would be very worried about his mental health as well as physicsl health.

His 18 though. Op can’t force him into therapy or anything. Only he can make those choices. So her being at his bedside or not doesn’t change anything.

Dad is there if he wants a parent. Doesn’t sound like the son has even contacted op at all even by text. So he doesn’t seem that fussed about her unless he is punishing her with silence for not already racing back.

You clearly have no idea of the mental toll of type 1.

Oh give over.

He’s an adult. He should be able to manage his own illness without expecting mummy to run home every time he can’t be bothered.

it being his own fault doesnt change that its a life threatening emergency? It genuinely seems that the two times hes been ill was because significant events happened in his life driving him to make poor choices,rather than being jealous of his sister.

Yeah, and my sister had mental ill health and eating disorders throughout most of her teenage years. Follow up by poor choices, not engaging in exams, failing everything.

Unless you've lived with it, you don't know the toll.It has, on the other children in the household that don't have any problems. It does have an impact on the mental health of the other children or young people who live with it even if they are more resilient

Most children or young adults don't make what are essentially suicide attempts, when something happens over a girl or boy, they're dating.

It gets wearing and boring and as the uncomplicated child in the family, you just wish you could have some time without everything being about your sibling.

Op already admitted she doesn't really worry about her other kids. Just him. Don't think they won't have noticed

"Avoid his father's rightful rages?

I can't believe I'm reading this.

He has self inflicted illness twice at least when his sister is receiving attention. And I would hazard a guess that his siblings could produce more examples.

Having a chronic illness doesn't automatically make you a good person. And many people DO have issues with their relatives using their health as a weapon against those that love them.

He is essentially self harming every time he doesn't get what he wants. It's like your boyfriend saying he'll kill himself if you go out with your friends.

Yes he needs mental health support for this as it's no way to behave. But what he doesn't need is for everyone to come running round him and fuck everyone else.

Your daughter has made it clear, she feels you prioritise her brother over her and isn't willing to accept it, you admit you prioritise him.

My dad prioritises my brother. Not in the way you do, he's just the favourite, if he needs help he gets it, I'm told it's just not possible, he makes the effort to see their family, forgets we exist. Haven't seen the bloke in a year, my youngest son wouldn't know who he was.