To feel fed up about us struggling on DH low salary

[HumphreysGang]

Does anyone else have a DH who earns as little as £56,500 salary?
My DH does and it is so difficult to survive financially on his low salary in the SE.
I am surrounded by friends whose husbands all earn well in excess of £100,000+ a year. The difference in lifestyle, including affordability of house size, extensions, cars, holidays, etc. is huge. They are all living the dream and we are struggling to death.
Just wondering if anyone else has a husband on this level of low salary?
And yes I work. 30 hours a week. My money pays for extras. His is the main income to cover the major costs (except it doesn't and we are permanently in the red).
He'll never earn more as he's at top of his salary point.
Nor will I due to our SEN DC and their needs which have severely thwarted my previous plans for career progression.

Sorry you could be right. I was picking up on other posters who all appeared to know OP earned £10K so it seems she never posted that.

However, if she does work 30 hours a week, which is almost full time, why doesn't she say what her earnings are and their combined income?

That would be much more than what her H earns, plus child benefit for 2 kids.
So their joint income must surely be well over £80k?
30 hours on the minimum wage is around £20K

My DH earns about 18k pa. Get a grip.

Average ft wage in the UK is 38k. So yes, most people earn less than your DH.

It's not a 'low' salary, but I live in the SE so all things are relative.
School uniform - check that the school are following the new rules about how many branded items can be compulsory
Check your outgoings - where is the money going ? The priority bills might not be able to change, but check your internet, mobile phone etc carefully.
Don't compare yourself to other people, instead work out where the money is going and reassess.
My husband and I earn earn roughly the same salary as your husband combined. We're looking at whether we can downsize (renting) as we are able to do that
Obviously the children with SEN makes it more complicated but you can still look at what's being spent on phones, internet, food bills, lunches etc as it all adds up extremely quickly

I accidentally voted yanbu - when i 100% think yabu. Yabvu in fact.

Why dont you pop our and get a £100k a year job and your husband can swap places with you if its that easy?

Poor guy!!

Please tell me this is a joke.

That's a huge salary in my sector! I'm on around £30k and I've been working in this sector since leaving uni about 2 decades ago. My DH is on a bit more and has the opportunity to get bonuses and overtime. Our household income is under £70k with both of us working full time. Yes, we've got some friends who earn shedloads more than us but we've got others who earn similar to us or just a bit more.

Would I like more and better holidays? yes. Nicer things? yes. A bigger house in an area closer to our family and friends? sure. But do we have a safe and decent home? Also yes. Have our kids had an excellent free primary school near our house? yes. Do we still get to go away on trips and have meals out for treats? Absolutely. Is our life an embarrassment of riches compared to my DH's upbringing? hell yes.

It's all about living within our means. We choose to live in a cheap house because it means not all our money goes on the mortgage. I've got mates who earn more who bought at the very top end of what they can afford and they say no to girls trips away and meals out all the time because they've not got any fun money at the end of the mortgage and bills.

So yeah, I think you're being unreasonable to compare yourselves with couples in the 6 figure land in a country with an average and mean wage of around £40k.

I think you're unreasonable to expect your husband to be earning more if he's reached a ceiling in his sector. Have you always known that was a sector he'd work in? I've always worked in the third sector and my husband knows that my work's important to my passions and value system and that's more important to him than my earning potential. He also looks at some of our wealthier mates and says he'd not trade in his job for theirs, he's got responsibilities and his career has progressed well but he's still got good work life balance compared to our wealthier mates who are answering work calls on their fancy holidays and working in their evenings.

Your title should be: DH and my low salaries. Why are you exempt? My DH earns about what your does, I earn more. If it’s that important to you, do something about changing it.

I’m certain it’s a wind up but the OP reminded me of a former colleague who proudly pushed her DH to do evening pub job to supplement his low (40K something) wage.

That is not a little salary. My husband never earned more than 30 to 40K. Ive never earned more than 30K and now less as Im part time. However, we have used some money wisely in the past, to invest in property. We dont have an extravagant lifestyle and only one holiday a year. We have 4 kids. We have nice cars we have bought outright and looked after. So perhaps you just need to be more frugal.

We live in SE too and each earn more than your husband. But I don’t see my income as “extras”. One of us couldn’t cover the mortgage, 2x nursery fees and the bills alone. We need two incomes. The extras come after essentially and only if we have them. We don’t spend loads of money on holidays, fancy cars or stuff and prioritise our pensions and critical illness insurance.

He should’ve pushed his wife instead!!

"I am surrounded by friends whose husbands all earn well in excess of £100,000+ a year."

This is your problem.
If you were surrounded by friends who all earned NMW youd feel rich.

Forget feelings,statistically your household income is above average. Its the comparison with people who earn more that is making you unhappy. Obviously not suggesting you dump all your friends but maybe widen your social circle a bit, or just compare yourselves to those who have far less than you rather than those who have more.

We have three children. Two with additional needs, including one who has both SEN and a chronic illness which causes physical disabilities. However, we both work full-time, with a combined income of £150,000. You and your husband need to try harder.
You can't control your husband so your choices are:
-You work more hours

• You up your game professionally and DH works part time.
• You leave your husband and up your partner game.
• You start mixing with people at your own level.
• You go to therapy and learn to accept your lot.

Unless you have a really badly paid job, I'd have thought 30hours a week would mean quite a nice level of existence.
Depends what you prioritise though. If you want a massive car and loads of screens and takeaways and expensive days out then it maybe doesn't go far. A more outdoorsy, old fashioned existence would have you living a lovely life on that amount.
Going on weekend romps through woods is preferable to all the 2020s trappings, in my opinion. The kids always end up happier too, once they've warmed up on the walk! Can be hard dragging them out initially, mind 😆
I certainly wouldn't be whingeing in public about it...

Why are you blaming your DH for this? If you think that you can do better then there should be no reason why you can’t take over as main breadwinner.

Alternatively, you can move somewhere more affordable.

We struggled to afford to live in the SE where we were both born and grew up. 9 years ago we moved 5 hours away from our family and now live far more comfortably.

This is wrong. Top of the payscale outside of London is just over £50k; inner London will be 4-6k more. I know this because it’s what I earn and I live outside of London.

We lived in SE for a while due to work. We swiftly decided nope and relocated to NI so we could earn the same but have much better lifestyle as housing is much cheaper

The south east is a big place. There are plenty of affordable areas to live. OP has obviously picked the most expensive and is now moaning.

Earn more yourself then.

Stop comparing yourself to others. Its the equivalent of looking at shiny joy filled instagram posts of other people's lives. Scratch beneath the surface maybe and you may find there are other things going on in your head. You say your career plans have been thwarted. Maybe the resentment you feel about that (your allowed to feel whst you feel btw !! ) is contributing to your general feeling of dissatisfaction . And that is ok.

Yes, that's outrageous, you should leave him and upgrade.

Im on 47k and DP 35k. One child home after uni and one child away in uni. We are skint at the end of every month. But bills are paid, there is food in the fridge, the freezer is full and we can afford 1/2 abroad holidays a year. We rent, but rent a property out (it's too small for us). Drive 10 year old cars. Lower your expectations!

Get a better job or do more hours yourself then. Move to a cheaper area.