To feel fed up about us struggling on DH low salary

[HumphreysGang]

Does anyone else have a DH who earns as little as £56,500 salary?
My DH does and it is so difficult to survive financially on his low salary in the SE.
I am surrounded by friends whose husbands all earn well in excess of £100,000+ a year. The difference in lifestyle, including affordability of house size, extensions, cars, holidays, etc. is huge. They are all living the dream and we are struggling to death.
Just wondering if anyone else has a husband on this level of low salary?
And yes I work. 30 hours a week. My money pays for extras. His is the main income to cover the major costs (except it doesn't and we are permanently in the red).
He'll never earn more as he's at top of his salary point.
Nor will I due to our SEN DC and their needs which have severely thwarted my previous plans for career progression.

Print out a bank statement for the last year and see where you can make cuts. We have a lower income than most of our friends but very little difference in lifestyles. We plan and budget everything really well, have no debts and invest wisely.

Oh come on…

I earn less than this in a (highly qualified) professional role. DH earns more in a skilled tradesman role. I get it, the SE is fucking expensive and even on £120k+ gross income things aren’t always a walk in the park.

But why is DH’s salary your issue? Why not the cost of living? Your own income?

you sound utterly ghastly describing your husband salary as “ honestly it’s no money at all”

Why do people moan about having no money but live in the most expensive area in the country? It's not like this is a new thing. SE and London have always been more expensive than anywhere else.
My DH earns around 35k. We are a single income household with 3 children (we live in the SW). I can't work as two of my children have SEN and one isn't able to attend school more than 3 hours a day and we live on that. We budget and if we can't afford something we don't buy it.
Surely your children get PIP or DLA? Do you get carers allowance? I thought you could claim that even if you were working because it's based on how many hours you care for your child but that may have changed.
Is there any chance of moving out of SE? Looking at a different school that doesn't insist on logo uniform? Or do you or DH have a hobby you can make money from?

Why doesn't your husband look after your disabled child and you work if you think his earning potential is so low surely you must be able to earn more in a lucrative career? 56k isn't a "low salary" but yes it doesn't go far at the moment, particularly in the SE. If your husband has hit the ceiling for his job you should look to return ft and look for a higher paid job, if he looks after your child you can direct your time and energy at your career, grabbing that 100k salary you desire for a better lifestyle.

So…I believe 90% of posts on mumsnet are either…
fake
lies
wind ups
lazy research for uni work
bored people with nothing better to do
looking for confirmation that their mil is bat shit crazy

the only ones I think are genuine are the ones asking what shoes to wear with a certain dress

i think I’m must be one of the bored people!

My DH earns nearly half that and we live off his income alone... His wage is not the issue.

You have to live within your means. Your means are less, so you need to adjust your expectations. What other people's husbands earn is irrelevant.

I would be happy if my DH managed to earn 35K tbh. But knowing that he will not bring in any significant amount of money, and knowing that my income fluctuates as a freelancer and we therefore can't guarantee having money spare, we bought the house that was the cheapest option whilst giving us enough space/being close enough to work options. We moved out of London because we couldn't afford to buy a house there.

Do I wish we earned more? Yes. We haven't had a holiday ever really, and we don't have much for luxuries. I also have friends earning 100K+ each and I have to make it a conscious practise not to compare.

However, they've chosen their path and I've chosen mine.

I've only read your posts but if you are working 30 hours a week and only earning £10K it sounds as if you might need to upskill.
What work do you do? Is it minimum wage?
Can you envisage improving this by getting more qualifications?

Your combined income is roughly twice the median salary- median is around £35K, some put it £32K.

So it sounds as if you need to rein your spending a bit and maybe you're overstretched on a loans, whatever.

Very few people earn £100K+- it's the top 10% of workers. So your friends are part of that small group.

Maybe you would get more help here is you set out your outgoings and asked for advice on cutting back?

Can you list your monthly outgoings?
Mortgage
Council tax
Utilities
car/ fuel
food
insurances
subscriptions
leisure
clothes
etc.

OP's husband thread
"Anyone's wife earning as little as xyz, what she earns is only enought for little extras which leaves me as the main breadwinner".

Mate, most of the country’s DHs earn less than that. My DH only earns £5k more. I earn about £50k (self employed so fluctuates) and together our joint income puts us in the top 12 per cent of earners in the country.

I usually hate this expression but you absolutely do need to “give your head a wobble”

I don't think she's coming back, maybe gone to find herself a better job...

You frame your post in terms of complaining about your DH's earning capacity, but that just sounds ungrateful to a man who earns a reasonable salary by anyone's measure and is probably busting a gut every day for his family. Complain about something else if you want support - your own career not going the way you wanted, the lack of support for SEN children, etc.

But he's probably doing his best and it doesn't bode well for your marriage that you blame him for not being better off.
You're in it together and everyone has to pull their weight as best they are able.

@HumphreysGangYou need to look into your actual benefit entitlement. One of my friends has a child with SEN and they get a decent amount of support for that child’s extra expenses despite a very very high family income.

It’s not true at all that people who work don’t get benefit entitlement and the fact that you’ve said this makes me think that some parts of your post are embellished.

Many schools offer 2nd hand uniform sales.

What is the SEN your child has?
How does that impact on your career?
Do they need care out of school hours?
Do they attend school full time and main stream school?

SEN can mean anything from dyslexia (as an example) to severe physical or cognitive issues.

I don't think she said she earns £10k? On 30 hours I think that would be pretty far below minimum wage.

I earn less than that and am the sole breadwinner - I'd be delighted if my DH "only" earned £56k

£56k per year won't go very far in the south east

Do you not get DLA and carers allowance for your child with special needs?

DLA isnt means tested it goes off your child's needs and your husband is below the threshold for child benefit so you must receive that, which is a couple of grand for 2 children. If your child is so disabled you are part-time I'm sure you should be claiming disability allowance for them too.

Agreed, there's no way someone who is really struggling and have disabled children haven't looked into disability benefits with a fine toothed comb.

Is the salary the issue or do you live to your means? Could you cut back in places? Do you have debt, do you have cars on finance?

could you put some child benefit money away each month to create a pot for school uniform the following year? It is expensive I agree.

I'm a single mum of 3 (1 with Sen) I earn less than your family. We manage fine.
I have a mortgage and a car and 2 teen boys that eat a lot.

I think you need to look at budgeting better!

And yes I work. 30 hours a week. My money pays for extras. His is the main income to cover the major costs (except it doesn't and we are permanently in the red). He'll never earn more as he's at top of his salary point. Nor will I due to our SEN DC and their needs which have severely thwarted my previous plans for career progression.

Not surely it’s all down to your DH? Why don’t you swap and he can work 30 hours (changing to work that is aligned with your current salary point if necessary), and this will free you up to progress, work longer hours and earn what you feel he is lacking?

Whilst I agree with some of your suggestions, surely the moving house to a Victorian house isn’t serious?! Save yourself £100 a month council tax but pay £25,000 to move (solicitors, estate agents, moving costs, stamp duty). Let alone the increased upkeep costs of an old property!