Sisters children and step child and our holiday

[FallingDream]

My parents moved back to my dad’s home country in March. We plan to visit them in October in the school holidays.

My sister has asked us if we will take her children and step child with us so that they get to see our parents but mainly to help with childcare as she and her partner have to work. Her partner is away with work that week and the week after.

My parents are ok with us bringing them all but I know it would end up with us looking after the youngest. Our children are 16 and 14 so we are at the stage where we can relax on holidays. My sisters kids are 15 and 13, step child is 7 so she still need looking after and more supervising.

Are we unreasonable not to take them with us or only take the older 2? We haven’t had a summer holiday this year so we were looking forward to relaxing holiday. We suggested just taking our nieces but got the usual stuff about treating them all the same. She’s not the same because she is 7 and needs looking after, and yes, also, she isn’t our niece so it is different.

DS can’t take the week off as she is too busy at work with a project at that time apparently. My husband says we may as well stay home if we aren’t going to be able to relax properly and it’s gone from something we were all looking forward to, to something that we don’t want to do. We are all reasonable happy to take our nieces as they don’t need looking after as such and they won’t change the vibe of the holiday.

My sister insists step child is ‘easy’ so we will be able to relax. That won’t be the case as I will feel very responsible for her and obviously she may miss her dad, my sister and her mum. She lives 50/50 between her mum and dad. Her mum is on holiday and this is her dad’s time. He’s away with work which annoys me more. I also find it strange that the little girls mum is fine with her coming away with us when we have only met her mum twice. I feel sorry for the little girl quite honestly, but we really want a break.

Sorry if it’s all a bit jumbled but hope I’ve explained it all. What do you think?

Sod that who wants to take a 7 year old on holiday when your own kids are completely self sufficient. You've had years of not being able to relax because of younger kids you're finally out of that stage enjoy it.

Most 7 year olds are easy to look after. Between 4 adults and 4 teens surely she won't be a burden. The way you talk about the girl and her parents it does sound more like it's because she isn't a biological relative.
It's obviously up to you what you do, you're not obliged to help your sister or her DC.

I would drop the step child part of the explanation because that just gives them something to cling onto.

The reason is that she’s too young, your holidaying with a young child days are long done, and that’s why it’s a no. Not the lack of shared biology.

I do lots of things with my teenage niece and wouldn’t do any of it with my 6 year old niece for this exact reason. I share the same biological link with both.

I would absolutely not be doing this.

But their not when you're talking about being around water, applying sun lotion, having to get up early. You can't relax on a beach or around a pool with a 7 year old you have to watch them all the time

They need a lot more attention than a teenager. They need to be played with, engaged with, watched in the pool and so on and so on.

I agree, the step child thing is a red herring. It’s the fact that she’s 7. Not a hope.

It’s nothing to go with biology. It’s that both her parents can’t decide to be away the same week leaving OP to provide the childcare.

If it’s the dad’s time she should be with her Dad.

Just say no. We’re on holiday and don’t want responsibility for other kids. Please don’t mention about her not being your niece that sounds unkind.

Your sister is basically trying to palm her step child off on you cause she doesn’t want to use AL to look after her, when her useless partner is away on work on the time he is supposed to have his daughter. His daughter his responsibility he will need to arrange childcare himself. Both sound like they are wanting to palm her off. Him to his partner and his partner-your sister to you. I feel sorry for this little girl. And her mum under no circumstances should be letting this child go to another country with people she’s only met twice!

Nope, I have 9 year olds and vacations aren't relaxing- they can swim but they aren't old enough to be abandoned at the swimming pool, they can be quite self sufficient in some ways but you couldn't just leave them in the apartment if you wanted to go out for a fancy meal for example.

The other 4 "children" are all old enough to be allowed to somewhat do their own thing.... The 7 year old is not.

In this scenario, regardless of biology, the 7 year old completely changes your holiday.

But the easier solution to this is to say no to taking any? Just re read the ages - 13 and 15 do not need a parent to look after them in school holidays.
So really, your sister doesn’t actually need childcare for the older 2 but is framing it as such so she can guilt you into also taking the younger stepchild, who is actually the only one requiring the childcare. This isn’t your problem, it’s not even your sister’s problem. The child has 2 parents who simply both cannot choose to be away at the same time.

Say no to all.

I would also say no for tall the reasons you've given OP. But.... that aside, are you actually able to take her out of the UK?

If your DC want their older cousins to join them I'd take those. Not the 7 year old due to age nothing else.
If your DC arent bothered I'd say no sorry to all of them.

Would she do it for you, has she done it for you, are you a close family in general?

Has it come out the blue ? What's your relationship like. Not enough info but ultimately it's your call of course.

I wouldn’t want to he responsible for someone else’s child on holiday, especially when you don’t know the mother, that’s a massive ask

That’s exactly how I feel.

We are a nice, normal family who will take very good care of her child, but her mum doesn’t know that, and the thought of letting my children go on holiday with people I’d only met twice is mental.

Completely agree with this.

YANBU.

From the standpoint of the 7 year old, she’d be going away with two adults whom she barely knows, because her own parents and stepmum are useless.

Not acceptable. Your sister needs to sort it out with her own husband.

Fuck that. No way. Even the teenagers - what if they sneak out at night? Break an arm? Get food poisoning? A boyfriend dumps them? Or whatever else can happen to a teenager.

And omg NO to the 7 year old. You would have to CRAZY to take on that responsibility.

Part of it is that she isn’t our niece though. I would feel that I had to make more effort with her to make sure she’s comfortable.

This would be a sorry, no for me.

Both parents are 50/50 and they can't be bothered with the little girl.
That girl has school holidays and none of her parents can be bothered with her, otherwise they could get childcare during working hours and have evenings to enjoy.
Instead, they want the while week to themselves.
I wouldn't bring her for the simple reason of, I wouldn't want to take any part of her being treated as a nuicance by her parents

If they need childcare why don’t they just book a holiday club for the youngest? The teenagers won’t need childcare. Might be best to take none of them rather than there being issues with favouriting the older ones

She wants them to see our parents and my parents are desperate to see them too so there is a reason to take them. Taking our nieces isn’t a problem at all.