Sisters children and step child and our holiday

[FallingDream]

My parents moved back to my dad’s home country in March. We plan to visit them in October in the school holidays.

My sister has asked us if we will take her children and step child with us so that they get to see our parents but mainly to help with childcare as she and her partner have to work. Her partner is away with work that week and the week after.

My parents are ok with us bringing them all but I know it would end up with us looking after the youngest. Our children are 16 and 14 so we are at the stage where we can relax on holidays. My sisters kids are 15 and 13, step child is 7 so she still need looking after and more supervising.

Are we unreasonable not to take them with us or only take the older 2? We haven’t had a summer holiday this year so we were looking forward to relaxing holiday. We suggested just taking our nieces but got the usual stuff about treating them all the same. She’s not the same because she is 7 and needs looking after, and yes, also, she isn’t our niece so it is different.

DS can’t take the week off as she is too busy at work with a project at that time apparently. My husband says we may as well stay home if we aren’t going to be able to relax properly and it’s gone from something we were all looking forward to, to something that we don’t want to do. We are all reasonable happy to take our nieces as they don’t need looking after as such and they won’t change the vibe of the holiday.

My sister insists step child is ‘easy’ so we will be able to relax. That won’t be the case as I will feel very responsible for her and obviously she may miss her dad, my sister and her mum. She lives 50/50 between her mum and dad. Her mum is on holiday and this is her dad’s time. He’s away with work which annoys me more. I also find it strange that the little girls mum is fine with her coming away with us when we have only met her mum twice. I feel sorry for the little girl quite honestly, but we really want a break.

Sorry if it’s all a bit jumbled but hope I’ve explained it all. What do you think?

this

In which case tell them you'll take her over when she turns 13 and not before.

Don't take any of them.

Does the stepchild even have a relationship with your parents, considering they aren't her grandparents?

I would say no for lots of reasons, additional checks at the airport, what happens if the child is sick or injured? The way the child may feel being out of the country with people they don’t really know, what is her Mum like? Would she even agree?

This!

Nope! So not take any of your sister’s kids with you.

Your parents have moved away, if they are so desperate to see your nieces they will come back for a while - even if they are at school to see them or otherwise, wait until Christmas.

The step child really has nothing to do with you and the child’s father should be ensuring there is care for them over holidays.

Your sister’s position is not your problem to solve.

For me, it would be all three or none. I would treat the step niece as my niece, not make a distinction between them.

I agree with you. 7yo can be an unpredictable age. She may hate it and want to be taken back home. I remember asking to go home at that age.

Please don’t risk your well earned holiday so that your sister feels like step-mum or wife of the year at your expense.

It's crazy to let a child go with with someone they've only met twice! Def wouldn't be a holiday for you. I'd say no to all three if she wants them to be treated the same.

Nope
Nope
Nope
why would the stepchild’s mother let her daughter go away in this type of circumstance?
imagine something happened to the child, going abroad is a huge responsibility?
cheeky of your sister to ask!

leave the child and take the nieces, they may like a break from her on holiday. Do they end up having to look after her when she's at theirs for the week?

You could simply say 'Your two older children are welcome to join us but we can't take little Daisy; she is very young and doesn't know us or our our parents well enough for such a long trip away from home. In time hopefully this can happen, but we're not there yet'. Then refuse to discuss it.
Your sister may prefer to keep the teens at home, to help with childcare!

I'd say no to all of the kids. You have two of your own, you don't need another 3. Even the teenagers need looking after (or at least watching over) to some extent when abroad. I wouldn't be able to relax with other people's children, no way. If they want their children to go, one of them MUST go along with you.

EDIT: If their teens are so independent as to not cause you any trouble while you're away, they can fly alone? Surely.

I think you shouldn't take any of your sisters children. Its not fair to the SD, even though you have made it clear she is not your family.
If your parents are so desperate to see thier grand children then your sis should make arrangements to take them her self when her DH is home and he can look after he's daughter. I feel really sorry for the unloved SD. Its so horrible.

If your parents are desperate to see their HC why can’t your sister use her annual leave to take them? Or put them on a plane - they’re 15 and 13 and capable of flying assuming it’s not somewhere remote with multiple changes

Why can’t your sisters kids look after their step sister during the school holidays at home? That surely solves childcare. 15 is old enough I’d say.

So what would the niece be doing if you weren’t going to see your parents? If you were all stoping in then for half term, you’d hardly be expected to have your 7 year old niece then - and your Sister or her husband or niece’s Mum would have to sort something. It will completely change your holiday to have a 7 year old and you will have to enter her as the older ones will want to spend the time together and with GPs. As other have said, it’s the age that is the issue - your husband doesn't want to take her so won’t help- it will all be you - and it’s not your problem to solve.
Niece may have two sets of GPs of her own in the uk who may be happy to help - has that been explored?

YANBU.

Again, poor stepchild.

No, no and again for those at the back, NO! Piss poor planning by the 7yr old's father is not your problem to solve OP. As pp have said, what if there is a medical emergency involving parental decisions? You'll need letters of authority to leave/enter the country. DSis and her partner are well into CF territory. It'll completely change the dynamic too.

She refuses too which I think good for her about. She is 15 and wants to see her friends, game, study, do her hobbies and do all the normal things 15 year olds do, not spend her week off school babysitting. My sister has tried to make her before but she just said she wouldn’t do it.

Don't take any of her children. Be difficult to leave one behind. It will cause trouble or just don't go.

This is the dad's problem to solve.

He needs to arrange childcare if his new domestic support human can't look after his child that week.

Maybe saying you won't take any would be better all round. Stick to the holiday you had planned. If you only say no to the youngest your sister may end up keeping the older ones home anyway to help with the 7yo.

Another shitty Dad who expects his new wife, or wife’s kid, or wife’s sister to prioritise looking after HIS child so he can do whatever the fuck he wants 🙄