AIBU to want more quality time with my boyfriend who has children

[curlyblondey]

Please be gentle with me, it’s my first time dating someone with kids and I’m trying desperately hard to make it work.

I have been dating a man for four months, we work together so had developed feelings a while before we were officially together. I truly adore him and he’s honestly just a really good, kind man.

He’s a few years older than me and has two kids (8 & 10). I haven’t met them and i think we’re a long way off that happening, which I am ok with. I don’t have children and don’t want them, but I’m maternal and absolutely see them being part of my future life.

The issue is, I feel I never get quality time with him and I’m struggling to gauge what’s normal at this stage. I’ve only ever dated childless men whereby at this point we’ve been on loads of dates, weekends away, even holidays etc

My boyfriend will meet me for coffee, lunch, a drink after work etc…but we’ve never spent a night together.

I know he makes time to do this and I’m super appreciative of it but it never feels like quality time? I’d love to have a weekend in or a movie night or just something with a bit more intimacy. Am I asking for too much?

I really don’t want to make an issue of him having children as it’s not per se, but I guess I’m feeling a little lonely and I miss him.

I am obviously of the opinion that kids come first and I recognise I’ll always play second fiddle which I am ok with (I think).

Am I unreasonable for wanting more?

Oh bless you OP. He's not available because he's living with his wife!

Did you know that the word gullible doesn’t appear in the dictionary? Honestly, go and check……

What went through your head when you posted this?

And a bit hard to believe a police officer could be quite this naive, right?

Do you know his home address?

Find it out and pop over one evening after work as a surprise and see what his wife has to say about their living situation. As he’s clearly telling you the whole truth, then you’ll probably all have a lovely evening getting to know each other.

This can't be real.

A very old joke.

( I’m here all week, available for private functions, after dinner speaking, stags and hens, kiddies parties - balloon animals optional)

I knew what you meant.

it’s as old as “the only place you’ll find sympathy is in the dictionary”

If they are truly separated he can openly date other people.

If they’re splitting childcare 50/50, then he should have evenings, nights and weekends to spend with you.

You’re 100% his little secret affair.

You are The Other Woman.

Or even another woman, not necessarily the mother. Do you know why the marriage ended? He didn't cheat did he?

Happiky separated. Ask his wife! Why would you be attracted to a man like that

Just read further. He's definitely still married. Sorry.

Sorry OP but I’m almost certain you’re his ‘bit on the side’ an old fashioned term but it sums up the situation.
He can’t commit to more time with you because he’s married with two kids!!

They are not separated you are the AP

I agree with others, it sounds as if your 'boyfriend' is either married or is in a long-term relationship with the Mum of his children. If it was true, that he is indeed separated, and his 'ex' is aware and happy with his relationship with you, then why isn't he seeing you more/staying over????!! There'd be no reason why he couldn't do any of these things, would there?! It makes no sense. Unfortunately OP, I think you're his 'bit on the side'.

Happened to a friend of mine. The man she was seeing said he was divorced and living in a shared house, which is why he wouldn't take her back to his place. Turned out the 'house share' was actually with his wife and two sons!! He wasn't separated, let alone divorced and was very much married.

Could you discreetly ask at work, to see if he's still married?! Surely someone would know? Have you looked for any social media online or that of his 'ex'?

Ask his wife.

Ffs OP, you don't start dating a man who is living with his wife and has two young kids.

He doesn’t sound single op. Most men would be hoping for a night together. The ex he lives with is not an ex. Never date a man who doesn’t have his life together and living separately counts within that!

Oh dear. This is the line my cheating ex-husband fed to his mistresses. They were either extremely gullible or knew but didn’t care. I, on the other hand, knew nothing about our “separation” because, you know, we weren’t separated. At all.
Until I found out, and then not only was he “separated”, he quickly became homeless and divorced.

Have a bit of a reality check here, OP. If he was truly doing 50/50 childcare with his wife then he’d have at least one day per weekend free, or alternate weekends free. It sounds like you really want to believe him, but it doesn’t make it the truth.

Perhaps find someone who’s free to prioritise you and enjoy all of the lovely dates, weekends away and holidays that you like.

OP, I think you’re being unfair to posters who are replying in good faith.

You didn’t mention the details from your earlier thread in which you talk about your DH. It’s a very important detail.

Ha…I knew it. That’s exactly what my H told all his girlfriends .

There’s nothing between them any more..she lives in a separate part of the house but can’t afford to move out/ it’s better for the children blah blah blah

I bet the wife would be surprised to hear she is separated from the man she shares a bed with
Why don’t you go ask her?

If he was telling the truth then the only boundaries he’d have was what days he could see you (because of the kids) and you wouldn’t be able to visit his house.

An older man enjoying the adulation of a younger one is such a common cliche that your post sounds fake. Is he more senior than you at work? Is it frowned upon to date colleagues?

It’s fine that you haven’t met the kids but at this stage, I’d expect you to have met some friends or be out to colleagues tbh. Has he been to your house or met your friends? I wonder if he’s call you his gf.

Oh god. He’s a copper as well. Bravo, OP. 👏

(How, given the work you do, can you possibly fall into the “I love him, so I believe him” trap?!)

You are the ‘bit of fluff’
sorry
he’s still with the missus - as in, still WITH the missus -
its the only explanation for his behaviour

How convenient. In that case, fuck around and find out. You get whatever you deserve.