AIBU to change schools over my husband helping a neighbour?

[Schoolchanging]

Dh had always done school drop off and pick up due to my work hours and over the last 18 months I’d got increasingly irritated by him walking with or giving a lift to a neighbour whose child goes to the same school.

So I decided we would change dc to a different school a little further away and they are due to start there in a couple of weeks.

I didn’t want to spend time on discussions and boundaries and wanted to just eliminate the stress on our relationship. I told him I wasn’t comfortable that I’d asked him to stop and as he wasn’t I was changing schools to which he said ‘fine that’s your choice’. Dc are ok about it as we know people who go to the new school as well.

Neighbour has just spoken to us as we were leaving at the same time and she said to dh ‘back to the usual routine soon then!’ And I said ‘actually no, dc are going to be at a different school so all change for us !’ To which she turned to dh and said ‘why haven’t you told me this already?’ Which I found odd.

Most parents worry about their kids starting primary school, then secondary school, plus any necessary school changes due to relocation etc.

OP uses changing school as a way to get 1 over her neighbour. Absolute insanity, poor parenting and I feel incredibly sorry for their poor kids having to go through another, completely unnecessary school change. I would be in bits about this - OP just sees it as a solution to a relationship issue!

Hope you don't get divorced - you're using your children as pawns now, I can only imagine how awful you would be if separation was involved, not giving them a second's thought, only how it benefits you.

Yanbu

get your life easier for you and the kids and the school run
if he does something still with this person you will have that side of things organised, we all know people that would try it on with other peoples partners. You told your DH it was making you uncomfortable he should have stopped seeing her.

Actually it's all easier now, as it isn't the mum of a classmate.

OP this is unbelievably weird.

The care pack is odd. You should have mentioned that in the OP.

ETA especially odd if it had condoms in it, but thankfully you didn't mention that.

Then you have a husband problem.

Horrendous! You obviously should have prioritised your dc and their stability. I feel really sorry for them!

Always trust your gut instincts. If she's blanking you while at the same time being friendly to your husband, something is definitely off.

Why are people calling @Schoolchanging a bad mother?!

She has moved her kids, who are happy to move, to a better school where they already have friends, with better wraparound care and close to her work so.........if husband is cheating then her life as a single mother will be easier. If he isnt then life is still easier for everyone and the predator neighbour (if she proves to be) has been removed from the equation.

The wording of the OP does sound a little unhinged but the updates make a big difference.

What if the neighbour moves their child to your new school?

I agree putting that in his car is weird and over stepping, I don’t understand how he doesn’t see this and wouldn’t just stop it.

Why on earth did your husband allow her to leave lip balm etc in his car. A pack of tissues I can understand, if it's winter and DH never has those kinds of things in his car and she has got fed up of asking but surely she can just keep it in her handbag.

She's lonely and single. Not worth changing schools over.
I'd be wondering why DH is entertaining it?!
My DH would tell me immediately and we'd think of a way to let her down gently.

If she was fawning all over my DH I would find it hilarious as he would be so embarrassed and probably a bit terrified 😂.

Honestly OP the focus needs to be your DH. Why does he want the attention of other women?!

Bizarre behaviour on your part.
She is still a neighbour though. So your DH can chat to her.

Wow, just, wow. Did you move from wales to North England to escape a similar would-be temptress acquaintance?

The child’s needs should come first

I agree with your point, but to address it by taking her children out if school and sending them to another one is appalling!

You are being extremely unreasonable.

On gods earth, what is wrong with walking/sharing lifts. The kids are your next door neighbours!!

Bit OTT O.P
Does that reaction not seems a little intense?

16 pages lol, well done

Your guts are certainly hearing the alarm being set off and something must have felt odd for your to change your kids school due to being this uncomforable. Maybe 18 months is a long time for your husband to be over- friendly (?) with another woman. He is not the best of fathers as he should have listened to your request and never allowed you to go as far as taking such drastic action. It's obvious your marriage would bebefit of some counselling. It looks as if he is used to normalising stepping over your boundaries in teltion to contact with ither women. Men should spend time with other males. Big red flag here. Good luck.

It is certainly strange the neighbour having her own "care pack" in the car. Surely DH could have just told her to take it out as it's really not appropriate? I wouldn't dream of parking my stuff in someone else's car like that just because they gave me school run lifts. Sounds like stuff she could just keep her in her bag. DH seems to be very passive in this whole neighbour thing. That would have disturbed me.

My DH sometimes walks with his Ex girlfriend when picking DS up as she lives near us and has a kid at the same school.

never batted an eyelid as a trust my DH totally

I mean seriously?? What’s wrong with being neighbourly? I took a neighbours child to school throughout one of my children’s time at primary School. We had a car they didn’t it was a bit far for walking

I spent the whole thread thinking OP was unreasonable until I read about this woman's car 'care pack'. Immediately convinced that this neighbour is so annoying that any course of action that creates a pain in the arse for her is reasonable.

Your later messages definitely add important context- you seem to believe that the new school will be better for DC anyway plus will be easier for you if you end up having to do majority of drop offs but it does seem that you have just avoided the bigger problem.

In terms of the neighbour, a 'care pack' is monumentally weird and disrespectful to you. I think your instincts are correct BUT his behaviour is his behaviour. Would he be happy if your roles were reversed? As others have said, your DH priority should be you and he should be making clear to the neighbour that he isn't interested.