AIBU to think my husband is lying about another school mum?

[Ailiss]

So, I have woken up this morning to a fairly devastating message and my husband is not helping at all.
To cut a long story short, I have woken up to a message from one of the mums at DS's school telling me that both on Friday when she dropped her DD off (Scotland so we went back last week), and yesterday when she dropped her DD off at Gymnastics and went to sit in her car (DS goes to gymnastics too), my DH made some sexual advances on her.
She didn't elaborate, I have asked her to but she messaged around 9pm last night and I only just saw it when I woke up this morning, so she might be busy this morning and just hasn't seen my reply.
I asked DH for more info, and he said thats just not true. He claims he hardly spoke to her on Friday, and yesterday when he saw her parked up offered to buy her a coffee, so he did then they sat in her car together, he claims nothing else happened.
However last year he did make a joke about some of the mums of DS's friends being "smoking hot, 10/10s".
I know this woman fairly well, she is married, but much younger than us, maybe mid-20s, DH and I are knocking on 40. I actually went to school with her older brother and remember her when she was very small!

AIBU to think DH is just lying to me? What would she get out of sending me that if it wasn't true?

Oh come on. Really? In 2026 are we still doing this?

It sounds as though she wasn't happy for him to sit there - mention of her feeling awkward I think in a PP?

It is a very typical situation that predatory men take advantage of ALL THE TIME. Women are socialised to be polite, accommodating, sociable. She's younger, perhaps not confident or is socially anxious. Blaming her for letting him sit in her car the next day is grim. Suggesting he CAN'T have made her uncomfortable on the Friday if she "let him" sit in the car on Saturday is grim. It completely ignores how some men push boundaries.

Ask yourself how you would react if you saw another parent waiting in a car reading. If you fancied a coffee and some company would you not do something like wave to get their attention and see how the reacted and then suggest going to nearby cafe if they seemed up for company? It doesn't sound like he gave her any "out".

I would ask him to detail exactly how the interactions went and see what he says.

He sounds grim from her description.

Perhaps he's just really stupid and thinks this 1950 type speak is acceptable.

Yeah, because the trend on all these posts is going straight to defcon4. OP doesn't know the situation so I sure as hell don't and neither do you, but this guy has been hung out to dry on the basis of what another mum said about him.

I'm not saying he didn't do it, but she could also be stirring for some reason and sometimes posts need two sides and not automatically saying "oh the woman must be right, your DH is a disgusting creep".

I’d be inclined to believe her, the only strange thing is why did she agree to have a coffee with him if he’d already made her feel uncomfortable yesterday. I’d have declined the coffee.

If he had made her feel uncomfortable the day before why did she allow him to get in her car. Why did she allow him to get her a coffee, that alone takes a conversation 'What do you have'? 'Sugar? etc.

I think he has really tried it on and perhaps by laughing it off at first she has perhaps let him think he may be on to something.
Seems to me like she needs to get him off her back hence telling you.

Be prepared for him to start blaming her. He is a creep.

I believe her 100% because when I was that age (in my 20s,) in fact from 16-17 to about 35, I regularly had older men hitting on me, sometimes with their wives in fairly close vicinity. When I was 17 I had a man (who was with his wife) in the shopping centre I was walking in, say to me 'God you're fucking gorgeous you are!' I was slim and young and blonde and was wearing a t-shirt and short skirt (3-4" above the knee.) I was so shocked. His wife looked so embarrassed, and mouthed 'sorry' to me! I thought 'that poor woman!'

There are dozens more examples I could give, and I imagine most women on Mumsnet could come up with a few too...

One more example.

A manager at a corporate job I had in the 1990s (when I was in my mid to late 20s, and young, blonde,and attractive,) tried it on with me from the day I started there. He had tried it on with other women prior to me, and was a total letch and an utter creep. Always finding a reason to touch me, grope me, and kept winking at me.... I did mention it to a couple of people, but just got told, 'oh that's just creepy Mike. Ignore him!' I told someone superior to him and got told 'it's your word against his.'

He actually followed me outside one day when I went for a 5 minute break to get some fresh air, and he chatted 'normally' for 2 minutes or so, then he asked me outright if I wanted to have an affair with him. He said no-one needs to know. I said 'I'm married, and so are you!' He said 'that's what makes it more fun!'

I said 'you can fuck off I don't even fancy you' and stormed off back inside.

From that day he made my life so uncomfortable and awkward for me at that workplace, spreading lies and rumours about me, and deliberately sabotaging my work to get me in the shit. So I left. Found another job. I had been there 2 weeks short of one year.

6-8 months later I met my replacement who had started 2 weeks after I left. Also an attractive young 20-something blonde. Said he was doing exactly the same to her. Constantly leching and groping, and had asked her if she wanted to sleep with him. She was so shocked she had said nothing, and had just run off. Since then he had been carrying on winking at her, touching her, and groping her. She also mentioned it to someone in HR and they said (again!) it's her word against his! Basically all these girls/young women were complaining about this cunt, and nothing was being done.

tl;dr He got away with it with a number of women, and it makes me so mad that they didn't do anything about it. Problem is I had had men getting a bit gropy/lecherous as a teen in my first job - always old enough to be my dad or grandad! And I did tell my boss about it, a couple of times, in different jobs. And I wasn't believed. In fact I was accused of leading them on because of how I looked. Excuse me for having blonde hair, big boobs, decent legs, and wearing nice clothes that accentuated my figure. Should I have come to work dressed in a fucking sackcloth, and a handmaids style bonnet?!

I understand you saying that and it sounds like the woman has now told op what has been said which is bad.

My point was that originally the other woman didn't say what was said. Sorry but people do sometimes take things out of context and not all men are guilty of being total fuckwits. I needed to know what was said before I cast a definite opinion and find it surprising that others don't.

I believe her. You can invite someone that you see alone and sitting on the car to a coffee. Then you both go and sit in the coffeeshop to have said coffee (since you mentioned that there is one nearby). But it would be weird and uncomfortable sitting in the car of someone who is basically a stranger.

Maybe they are having an affair and she is causing trouble and he hasn’t gone to the shops, he has gone off to see her/call her and ask her what the hell she is doing.

I bet he said exactly what she is claiming .

Like most lecherous men, he likely expected she would keep his unwanted comments a secret. He'll probably blame her now. In his mind, she'll be the villain for telling you.

"I can think of places that skirt would look better", she said when she went along saying where? he said "on the bedroom floor". She says she laughed and said to him they are both married.

There's no way that if a man said that remark to me I'd follow it up with what this woman said, there would have been no playing along or laughing from me.

Why would you reach for this elaborate explanation rather than 'husband is predatory lying creep?'

OP, i doubt this is his first predatory lying creepy rodeo. TBH I would think anyone who talks about women in 'smokin hot, 10/10' terms is a misogynist arsehole who sees women as objects and i would have already questioned how I came to be married to one of those.

I’d be inclined to believe her because he bought the coffees to sit in the car.

If he normally goes to a coffee shop nearby, why wouldn’t he just invite her to go with him and offer to shout her the coffee there? Why change his routine unless he had something to gain from sitting in the car with her e.g being on his own with her?

Whatever it is, these men don’t deserve the sanctity of marriage. They lie, they cheat, they gaslight and their actions destroy families and children’s lives.

I know not all men are like this. I am happily married and I haven’t ever had to conceive anything like this happening. But one woman, one family, one DC having to go through this is one too much, especially when marriage and relationships are entered into by mutual consent and agreement.

Ideally we would all be like that but when put in situations like this we have the fight, flight, freeze or fawn reaction and many women have the fawn reaction. It's a form of appeasement/self protection.

I’m sorry, OP. What an awful situation.

Bought her a coffee and sat in her car? Thats not on and quite cringeworthy. Im inclined to believe the other lady. Why would you make that up? It sounds as if he fancies himself as a bit of a ladies man. Probably harmless and embarrassing for you. He needs to be told.

Really?? If a woman out of the blue with nothing to gain messaged you’d instantly believe him? I very much doubt it.

@Witchergeralt "I'm not saying he didn't do it, but she could also be stirring for some reason and sometimes posts need two sides and not automatically saying "oh the woman must be right, your DH is a disgusting creep"."

He's made sexual comments before about the other school mums' bodies, rating them out of 10 and calling them smoking hot. And he's done that to his wife's face! I mean, how many women do you know that would find that remotely funny? Actually in 2026 I don't know anyone that would find that appropriate, let alone funny. So it's not exactly too much of a stretch to think he is in fact a total creep who would make sexual comments to one of these "smoking hot" mums.

I believe her.
was at a wedding yesterday and my friends partner was a bit like this, leery and in appropriate. She heard him once and laughed as at his ‘banter’!
I told him to ‘fxxk off’ it’s as 2026 and that day was gone.

Your husband is a creep and has a massive problem with boundaries.

I think if he rates women out of 10 ,and said of one mum shes "smoking hot" he sounds creepy and impolite.Who comes on to School Mums who are much younger as well? I would be asking DH about it and text the other Mum as well

Your sleaze of a husband is lying. But I think you know this. 💐

She has nothing to gain from lying to you. He has everything to gain from lying. It's hard but I know who I'd believe.

Don't be daft. A man who is not a creep can talk to any number of women without turning into a creep.