AIBU to think my husband is lying about another school mum?

[Ailiss]

So, I have woken up this morning to a fairly devastating message and my husband is not helping at all.
To cut a long story short, I have woken up to a message from one of the mums at DS's school telling me that both on Friday when she dropped her DD off (Scotland so we went back last week), and yesterday when she dropped her DD off at Gymnastics and went to sit in her car (DS goes to gymnastics too), my DH made some sexual advances on her.
She didn't elaborate, I have asked her to but she messaged around 9pm last night and I only just saw it when I woke up this morning, so she might be busy this morning and just hasn't seen my reply.
I asked DH for more info, and he said thats just not true. He claims he hardly spoke to her on Friday, and yesterday when he saw her parked up offered to buy her a coffee, so he did then they sat in her car together, he claims nothing else happened.
However last year he did make a joke about some of the mums of DS's friends being "smoking hot, 10/10s".
I know this woman fairly well, she is married, but much younger than us, maybe mid-20s, DH and I are knocking on 40. I actually went to school with her older brother and remember her when she was very small!

AIBU to think DH is just lying to me? What would she get out of sending me that if it wasn't true?

I’d completely believe her - especially given the fact he’s made comments on some of the mums being good looking. If he’s not already cheated he’s clearly willing to. It would be the end for me

The detail she has given, little things like reading in the car, and the hand on the back, make it clear that she is telling the truth

I think she wants it to stop and sees telling you as a way to make that happen.

I wonder whether your DH is known as a bit sleazy by the school mums

Horrible for you @Ailiss

What a bizarre situation.

I‘m trying to imagine what my reaction would be if my DH received a msg to say I had hit on a father dropping his kids off at school.

He’d assume it was a joke meant for someone else and I’d be absolutely mortified about whatever impression I must have given to the Dad in question.

The fact you’re even questioning this says you don’t need this man in your life.

She’s not lying.

What an awful man your husband is.

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.

@Ailiss He asked what she said????

If another bloke messaged my DH and said I'd been making sexual advances on him, my response would be "WTAF?! Utter bollocks".

So the fact he asked what she said means he absolutely 100% knows he has done something inappropriate.

Now that this woman has confirmed what he said, and paired with his previous comment about smokin hot women, then I'm afraid it is VERY likely that your DH is a creepy pervert.

I would be asking your DH to stay elsewhere tonight. Just ewwwww.

I think we often base our responses on our own relationships. If someone messaged me about my DH I’d have his back as he has never given me a reason to distrust him so I would assume the other person is shit stirring however the OP says her husband has already made leary comments which gives her a reason to distrust his reponse.

Sorry OP, he's testing the water.

Absolute creep

Your DH bought a young "smokin' hot" woman a coffee, because he was after something in return. He imposed himself on her private space. He's a fucking creep. He tried it on with her, probably leant in for a kiss or rubbed her thigh etc. He cannot be trusted.

Don't know if he is lying or not, obviously, but some things are as inappropriate now as they were in Victorian times - nothing has changed, the only thing that changed is technological progress, people have not changed one bit. Such inappropriate things include individual friendship with the opposite sex, individual hobby with the opposite sex, sitting in cars drinking coffee with the opposite sex, unrelated to work conversations or messaging with the opposite sex. The main thing is, it should come from the person him/herself, no need for the spouse to forbid, to show displeasure - your spouse should have innate knowledge of what is appropriate and what is not.

She is telling the truth. She has no motive to lie and her account is too specific to be made up. If she were lying to cause drama she'd have said he tried to kiss her in the car or something similar.

You already know your DH is a scumbag from his comments last year. You know he's ranking school mums on how sexually attractive he finds them because he literally told you.

I 100% believe that a married man that can call other women "smoking hot 10/10" can also make the cringey sexual comments this woman has given examples of.

PP's are right. His reaction is the giveaway. DH does loads of the school and club drop offs and chats to the school mums and if I said I'd had a similar message his reaction would be utter shock, anger and saying he wanted us to call her and sort out whatever misunderstanding it was. The fact your DH wasn't surprised tells you everything you need to know. I'd hit the roof if someone made false accusations about me to DH.

Your DH has a roving eye. You're fortunate she told you - I would imagine she agonised a bit about whether to tell you. I can imagine a MN thread "AIBU to tell his wife about his inappropriate behaviour?"
She seems to want nothing to do with your DH, but it's his behaviour you need to be worrying about. How many times has he done this to other women that you don't know about. What a sleaze.

I'm so sorry OP but I would believe her. The fact that he is not shocked is odd. The previous comments about DS friend's mums being 10/10 is pervy and weird as it is. If he did indeed make the comment about her skirt, he really is a creep and was clearly looking for the go ahead from her.

I'd choose to trust the father of my child over a virtual stranger-if you don't, that suggests a problem, like you think he's a cheat. As for saying other women are "smoking" (seems to be said this way a lot more since Reacher!), while I wouldn't do it, a lot of women and men talk about people they aren't with this way, and most of them aren't cheating.

I posted my comment without having seen this latest update. Yeah, he's absolutely 100% lying. He's a fucking creep looking for on the side action.

I would 100% believe her.

As for his argument of her being a "random woman", she's not, you know her fairly well you said. He's downplaying it and being dismissive in order to make this seem like it's nothing/didn't happen.

Don't believe him - do not trust him.

Your man is actively looking to cheat on you. Chuck the fucker out and divorce him.

I am a younger mum and I’ve been in this woman’s position. It’s a really awkward and horrible thing to have to tell someone. You don’t know how they’re gonna react, and people can be really nasty if they think you’re out to get their husband (who's always like 40… why would i want a 40 year old when I’ve got a 20 something at home??). I doubt she’s lying.

Also if he’s trying it on with a school mum (risky) then he’s probably trying it on with other targets who are more low risk.

Sadly there are potentially 2 victims in this sorry affair.

I strongly believe the woman. OPs husband is a letch, who thinks he is a catch and that this poor woman should drop her skirt for him. This is insulting and I would be angry. This is most probably why she has contacted you OP, no messing about just get it out there.

Looks like he picked on the wrong woman!

Only read ops opening post:

I would want to know what he said to her because that really determines if ot was something the average person would have an issue with or she has taken something out of context. She does need to tell you exactly what she claims he said to her.

Saying all that you sound like your gut feeling is telling you he did do something wrong. Therefore once she tells you what he said you probably have some serious conversations to have with him.

Speaking as Fred’s grandma, I’m wounded.

So he’s chanced his arm and got caught out.

He was bored so he bought a coffee for a woman half his age and invited her into his car? My husband could have absolutely nothing to do for days and still wouldn’t do that.

Do you think she might have made a pass at DH and he rejected her? I mean, if he made those comments why would she allow him to sit in her car? Seems very strange behaviour.

On the other hand, if she made a pass at him and he rejected her she'd be straight on to the wife stirring up shit.

I don't know this woman or your DH but let's not all label him a disgusting creep basis on he said/she said.

Just thinking more on this, he must have made her feel SO uncomfortable with those skirt comments. Christ, he's disgusting. He's exactly the type of man who would victim blame women for wearing mini skirts if they get sexually assaulted or raped..."but she was asking for it...." Ditch this man - he's disgusting. As for him insulting your intelligence by denying it - Christ, he's stupid.

Bloody hell he’s lucky he didn’t get a fucking smack if that’s true. As I’ve previously said, I’m inclined to believe her because I know men like that. Does that sound like something he would say? Like can you picture him saying that? Is that how he flirted with you in the past? For me that’s always a good test, if you can imagine them saying it or doing it that’s probably them.

She took the time to message you and let you know - there’s a reason for that. Having had a similar situation myself in the past I debated in my head for too long and didn’t speak up. I should have at the time.. turns out that married man had done it to other mums! Sorry, he’s trying his luck. Twat.

It was enough that the woman felt important to text his wife. There is no context that makes that ok.