AIBU to think my husband is lying about another school mum?

[Ailiss]

So, I have woken up this morning to a fairly devastating message and my husband is not helping at all.
To cut a long story short, I have woken up to a message from one of the mums at DS's school telling me that both on Friday when she dropped her DD off (Scotland so we went back last week), and yesterday when she dropped her DD off at Gymnastics and went to sit in her car (DS goes to gymnastics too), my DH made some sexual advances on her.
She didn't elaborate, I have asked her to but she messaged around 9pm last night and I only just saw it when I woke up this morning, so she might be busy this morning and just hasn't seen my reply.
I asked DH for more info, and he said thats just not true. He claims he hardly spoke to her on Friday, and yesterday when he saw her parked up offered to buy her a coffee, so he did then they sat in her car together, he claims nothing else happened.
However last year he did make a joke about some of the mums of DS's friends being "smoking hot, 10/10s".
I know this woman fairly well, she is married, but much younger than us, maybe mid-20s, DH and I are knocking on 40. I actually went to school with her older brother and remember her when she was very small!

AIBU to think DH is just lying to me? What would she get out of sending me that if it wasn't true?

There’s no reason for her to lie. He’s a scumbag.

She's not lying, OP. Your husband is a creep and she wants him to stop talking to her like that. She was quite happy sitting on her own in her car but he wanted someone to talk to so he jumped in. She wants you to know that she doesn't want him near her again and clearly she's worried about telling him herself. You know she could have told everyone in the playground except you? She did the decent thing and told you in private.

All credit to her for telling you directly.

That's a bit like saying a father should always be believed just because they're a dad. Not sure that's great advice.

I've definitely not a 'my husband cannot talk to other women' person, but I would be very 🤔if he bought a takeaway coffee for a young woman he barely knows and then sat in her car with her.
That in itself is odd behaviour.

The genuinely “talk to lots of women” men, don’t just talk to the hot ones. They will have a chat with any woman, in the appropriate circumstances.

I also think my DH would be really concerned that he was coming over as creep, if someone phoned me like this. Truly he’d be mortified.

I wouldn’t necessarily jump to conclusions however as there could be more to it. But you know your DH best. You’ll have seen that side to him before this.

At the very best, he's a horrible pig who thinks women should lighten up and find comments like that funny.

If course she's not lying, you already know this. Your husband is a creep, sorry.

Fair play to get for telling you. Most wouldn't.

Omg you’ve just reminded me if something that happened to me years ago. Was in M and S looking at the underwear and there was an older bloke with his wife. I’d bent down to look at the bras on the bottom rack and he said to me “while you’re down there”. What a fucking fucking cheek and his wife was there!

Just read your last update!

Yuck - so sleazy and inappropriate.

Honestly I have no idea where you go with this. Me, I would say this has given me a huge ick and I don’t want to be with a middle aged creep.

I would believe her.
You must be devastated to be married to such a pervert. That woman would have felt very vulnerable sitting next to him in the car.
I would be showing him the door.

She is not lying.

That's correct. I'm not saying that all men who talk to women are trying to cheat. I am saying that, with men who talk to women, there is a higher risk that they are a cheater, or a higher risk that they will cheat. That risk does not exist with men who don't talk to women. I am solely talking in terms of risk and probability.

If I had told dh another mum had texted this the first thing he would do would be shocked, confused, mortified he'd unintendedly made someone feel that uncomfortable and reflecting back on what he did to do that and saying oh shit a lot. I would be able to tell from his genuine first reaction what had gone on.

Your husband is coming across like a creep. Your problem is he has got so defensive, and now has time to work out a story, so you'll unlikely be able to judge what his genuine intentions were - was he trying to be awkwardly friendly and it unintentional, was it flirting to inflate his ego that went too far, would he take if further if she had been receptive over time?

His reaction is very telling of his feeling of guilt, but guilt from what... He's your husband, you know what he is capable of, whether you want to admit it to yourself or not.

He's been a sleazy creep, at the very least. If he honestly thinks that was just friendly chat there is something wrong with him. If he wanted company, why not suggest they went to the coffee shop together? I can't believe she would lie about this when the easiest thing for her would just be to ignore it.

This is awful, good for her telling you that can’t have been easy for her

He’s a creep. He turned up at the car with 2 coffees and she probably didn’t know how to make him go away. His behaviour is disgraceful and I couldn’t look at him again.

I haven't read all the comments, but the woman offered to call as I asked why he was in her car etc.

She said on Friday, she laughed it off as there were people around, she had her two smaller children in front of her and didn't want to make a big deal of it.
Then yesterday he chapped her car door window and said he was going to the coffee shop, did she want anything, she said, she said she was okay, but he said not even a cuppa, so she offered him the money as her 3 month old was asleep in the backseat and she didn't want to get out to go to the coffee shop, when he came back he apparently knocked on the passenger side and opened the door, when she went to reach for the coffee, he said you're not busy are you?, she had clearly been reading and the baby was asleep so she didn't feel she could say no, so he sat down in the car.

He claims this did happen but he never made the comments she is saying he did, and "if he said anything similar it wasn't meant as flirty".

The point remains that he made her feel uncomfortable and in turn you have been made to feel uncomfortable. He may have been just joking but it isn't a good joke when it doesn't land right. He owes you and the other Mum an apology for being overbearing and for overstepping boundaries. And he needs to find something else to do whilst he is waiting other than trying and failing to be charming.

Listen Honey, I'm a Mature Woman and I have something to tell you. IF , I, as a woman was getting all hot and steamy with your Man; would I message you. ?????????
The ONLY scenario in which I would do that would be: IF I fancied him, had exchanged a few words in passing, and he made it plain he WASNT INTERESTED ; then I would be so incensed that I would do something nasty.

He’s trying it on with other women. The marriage would be over for me.

Why would a 40 year old man want to sit and have a coffee in a closed space with a twenty something young woman? I wouldn’t let a school dad buy me a coffee and sit in my car but I might have done 20 years ago out of awkwardness and wanting to be polite. Why on earth would she say this if it wasn’t true?

You ok pal?

What. The. Fuck. 🙄

Anyway, what you would do is irrelevant because this isn't about you.

😂😂😂 love it.