Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

Oh give over!

I have to say OP i formula fed and I loved it! I'm a natural worrier and I liked that i could see exactly how much milk my baby had had. I had twins who were premature, pumped for 8 weeks which made me so miserable. Tried breastfeeding and neither twin latched on. I was pushed and pushed to breastfeed by my partner, his mum and hospital staff but switching to formula was the best decision I made. So I gave it a go but didn't stress over it. However my mum formula fed 2 babies (me included) and breast fed 2, she said there are pros and cons to both. Breast feeding more faff with preparing then cleaning and sterilising the bottle.
I loved formula and would love to go straight to formula if I have another baby, but I would probably give breast feeding a go. It was great having help with the feeds and not having to do it all on your own.
I would say it's your choice and you will probably have more of an idea once baby is born. I was similar to you...happy to try but not desperate to breast feed and to be honest felt relief and not an ounce of guilt once I swapped to formula, because pumping and trying to BF had been so hard. But maybe it will work well for you. I think being open to whatever works best is a good approach 😊
Congrats on your Christmas baby!

Depends what your baby is like TBH. I've known babies who were BF who were brilliant sleepers and FF babies who were terrible sleepers.

But I don't think at all BF mums are miserable, and with the greatest of respect it's a very short amount of time compared to the rest of your lives. I fed my DD for a year, she's 19yrs, now and feeding when she was a baby was a long time ago it's not even something we talk about.

Yes I chose not to for all of mine and it was the right decision. DH loved being involved with the feeding from day 1 too.

I think it’s more down to the baby, you, your partner, your mental and physical health, finances, state of mind etc.

Breast feeding releases endorphins which make you feel happyness.

I think up to the age of about 8 months this is true and after that not the same. Establishing bf is hard, but bf is easy after that point and makes night wakes, tantrums, everything else easier to handle

This. When it’s established, it’s much easier to BF to calm a baby rather than mess around with bottles. I remember when DS was quite ill…BF calmed and comforted him during the night and I felt lucky I was able to do that.

A friend got stuck on a (very) delayed train with her FF infant. That was a nightmare as she ran out of milk even though she always brought extra.

Breast milk is more easily digested than formula milk and so there are fewer issues with colic and reflux overall.

As with everything it very much depends on so many factors. You won’t actually know until you try (if you want to). I know mums who had a miserable time breastfeeding and others who had an amazing time. I personally combi fed and that worked best for me and my kids.

Well, I couldn’t breastfeed and gave myself awful PND due to the failure I felt (literally no-one was putting any pressure on me to BF except for myself). So it’s a nuanced answer.

Thank you for the (mostly) non judgemental responses.

I think my preferred option would be to combi-feed and pump. I’m sure women who do EBF are perfectly happy, the issue is I think there is so much pressure on women to do it at the moment that many women tie themselves up in knots and end up really suffering. Like I said in my OP, I’m very happy to give it a go but if it doesn’t come easy is it worth getting het up about?

I know several women who have just said absolutely not the second time around. My own mum was never able to breastfeed any of her three children so very open minded but MIL has commented several times that “oh well of course you’ll be breastfeeding” so maybe that has got my back up a bit!

I bf - and I found it easy! I liked the fact that I didn't need to think about bottles/formula when I went out. I was luckily that my little one also took the bottle so I froze a little stash for when I was away from them. I also wasn't precious about giving the odd formula if needed (used the premade cartons).

My two best friends both have small babies. The one breast feeding is utterly miserable. The one formula feeding is much happier. She’s got the single use formula bottles as well so no faffing about as described up thread when she wants to go out.

Can I ask how you approached combi feeding? There is so much noise out there about nipple confusion and establishing supply and it all gets very confusing and stressful!

I FF from birth both my girls and it was the best decision ever for us. Got also a bottle prep machine and a bottle sterilising one… and life is so much easier in an already challenging/new situation.
Do what is best for you and your family and be confident in your decision. You will face people’s opinion on your parenting either way, if not with this it will be with something else so whatever you decide, do not do it because of peer pressure!

Those are the dream if you can afford them!

loads of advantages for the baby. That’s why I did it. Hard work though, and I do think BF mums deserve medals. Probably why people go on about it! Nb it gets easier, and I’m really glad I did it. Babyhood is a very brief time.

Just to say OP that I found pumping to be very much harder than breastfeeding itself! Maybe I never got into the right routine with it though 🤔
By baby 3 I had completely abandoned it with much relief.

Pumping is the devil of all options.

It's uncomfortable, you're doing the job twice, extracting the milk, cleaning and sterilizing all the bits and still feeding the babys separately.

Pumping for my eldest was genuinely hellish, you think it'll be like popping a wee tap on, instead you're there for 20 mins maybe with a screaming baby while this horribly uncomfortable device extracts drop by drop an excruciatingky slow supply initially.

Honestly id say either breastfeed or bottle feed, yes pump a bit here and there to get used to a bottle etc but pumping is the worst of every world for you as a mum

Completely agree OP. I FF my daughter (except for the first month or so when I tried to combine both). She was a very easy and chilled baby, slept through the night from 4 months onwards and I was able to go back to work early. No faff or drama with breast feeding. 🤷‍♀️

I have 4 kids, breastfed them all. My 3rd child did it until he was 4!!!
When I had my youngest I was always worried if struggle to wean him off. On boxing day last year aged 9 months he went on nursing strike. He simply refused to breastfeed at all and I thought I'd be really upset but it was actually liberating (once my huge engorged boob died down) I was only feeding out of one boob due to a tongue tied that took for months to fix and an inverted nipple on the other boob so my one boob was always bigger and I looked stupid

I think you are partially right.

The issue isn't EBF in itself. It's obviously a good thing. But the pressure put on women when it's not going well and the idea that any formula is terrible.

I wish we were more balanced in our approach. I've seen (and experienced) the pressure when breastfeeding isn't working. In my case I had next to no supply and a very hungry baby who liked to take milk in one giant, quick feed. It nearly damaged us both and yet I was made to feel I wasn't trying hard enough even when he was hospitalised.

Second baby was mixed fed and best of both worlds but my supply was also very different and she fed differently.

The benefits of EBF do not outweigh a mother's mental (and sometimes physical) health and it doesn't need to be a one or other, completely polarised approach.

@ChristmasBaby2026 do whatever suits you but my advice would be to make your views clear now to those who will support you. Now you are thinking rationally but it's very different when you are exhausted, overwhelmed with hormones and being told EBF is best. I would always encourage people to try breastfeeding but also be clear that it's okay to say it's not working.

I breastfed all 3 and it wasn't easy at the start for babies 1 and 3 but but not having to make up bottles, worry about having enough formula and hot water when travelling etc made it worthwhile.

There still isn't good breastfeeding support and even at the weekly health visitor run breastfeeding group, the hvs used to ask the more experienced mothers any tricky questions that new mums had. So if you want to breastfeed, there is plenty of good info out there on the internet.
It's a skill and knowledge we've lost over a few short generations and I find that quite sad. When I had my eldest I didn't know anyone in the older generations who had breastfed.
This is probably why there is so much discussion of it - we are having to figure it out between us, while health professionals often give wrong or misleading opinions.

Things I wish I'd known:

You know whether they're getting 'enough' by the number of wet nappies they produce. My daughter had some brief tests and I found myself explaining this to dr's and nurses who weren't familiar with breastfeeding.

Also, supply meets demand so generally a baby who suddenly increases how much they want to feed is about to have a growth spurt, rather than starving. It settles down again.

I FF my 1st and BF DC2 and 3.

I personally found breastfeeding much easier as there was no sterilising bottles or prep to do. I didn't have to anticipate when they'd need a feed or make sure I had enough bottles with me for a day out.

While I could share bottle feeds I did find it more of a tie where as breastfeeding I could just go out with some nappies, wipes, change of clothes and knew any feeds could be sorted where ever we were.

I can't comment on the sleep aspect as DC2 never slept and still struggles with sleep at 7 (ASD) so I probably would have been up regardless of how he fed.

Saying that, breastfeeding was very easy for me so things probably would have been different if it'd been a struggle.

With my first I didn’t really have much of a choice, from day 3 I was told I needed to give her formula top ups. She swapped between boob and bottle really easily and we never experienced the nipple confusion or bottle preference that people always went on about. She had a milk allergy and had a prescribed formula that smelled of rotten potatoes but even that didn’t put her off 😂
With my second she was a lot more stubborn and refused a bottle until 5/6 months, took us a while to find one she would take!
It’s all just trial and error and doing your best ☺️

You just have to see what works. I bf precisely because I am lazy. I was v fortunate and it worked well (albeit more soreness with baby number 1, esp around cluster feeding) so I never had to worry about cleaning bottles or even really getting up at night. If it had proved too difficult I would've moved to ff. No judgement for anyone.