Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

There’s a lot of pressure on new mums to BF but it does seem as though often it’s not for the better for the reasons you stated.

I’ve done both with each of my children and I wouldn’t necessarily agree with your observations. There is often a lot more to it and really when you formula feed your baby there’s a lot more to think about when you go out compared to breastfeeding.
I think the biggest factor in how mums present after they have a baby is luck of how the birth went, how supportive their partner is and how their baby sleeps.

Congratulations OP!

I agree with you. I FF. No point scoring with DH over night feeds and sleep as we both did a share, my body was my own, I left the house to go and do things when I wanted, family could help feed, baby bonded with grandparents quickly, could sit in company without getting my boobs out or leaving the room, kid settled. Was a win win.

I think it’s best to just go with the flow. See what happens, you might love it or hate it. Just do whatever works best for your family.

No idea i chose to FF spread the times throughout the day so we knew when to feed, they got all their milk in daytime and they slept through the night

It just worked for us never thought about it but way past that stage now

I fed all of my dc..lots of them.

Washing /making /heating bottles would have made me despair.

Popping a dc on a boob was easy.

It can be a very easy and rewarding thing.

It isn't always doom and gloom !
We are mammals amd they are built for feeding remember!

There are pros and cons.

The very worst thing for me would be having to get up in the night to fuck around with bottles, so being able to just feed the baby while dozing worked best for me.

I did pump so other people gave the baby a bottle or two per day about 4 days a week by the time babies were 7 months or so.

For me I found breastfeeding demanding at first and then was so grateful I’d persevered because it made life so much easier than it seemed for my ff friends, not needing to have so much stuff with me, no stress about availability of my child’s specific formula brand etc.
I also found breastfeeding very connecting and peaceful.

I don’t think so - I could go out for the day with literally the baby and some nappies and wipes and no other stuff cus i was the milk

went travelling for a few months and again brought no bottles or things just myself and it was way less faff.

Never sterilised a single thing either

and at night when the baby woke I just lifted her up fed her and put her back - never even had to get out of the bed to get a bottle 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Personally I loved breastfeeding, but I agree with you that all mums should make their own decision.

I was much happier when I stopped breastfeeding! I never bothered with the 2nd as my experience with the first was so miserable (we were readmitted t hospital as he lost so much weight)

I fed my younger kids until they started school and would still have to agree with you!

I loved feeding them, and I did it because it was so good for them. But honestly? The mum friends I have who bottle fed had a much easier time of it looking back. I kinda wish I'd exclusively fed for the first really amazing stretch then combi fed, looking back. I'd probably have been much more rested.

It’s hard at first then gets easier no getting up in the middle of the night to make bottles. And most importantly it better for the baby also helps your uterus contract better , helps if child gets ill etc loads of benefits for you and baby

The first few weeks can be hard but after that it makes life so much easier. And not just for feeding, it’s so much easier to comfort your baby too.

Happiness is just individual.

I found it really easy and no problems at all for me or DD. The thought of all that sterilising and making bottles seemed like much more work and worry to me.

I agree - and I breast fed mine until they were a year old.

Breast feeding creates a lot more pressure on the mum - you can’t share night wakes, you are restricted on being able to go anywhere without them, you probably need to be there every single night for bed time… that’s more than just the actions, it’s the mounting pressure of lack of sleep and no freedom or limited social life.

Oh and bottle fed babies always seem to sleep longer, I suppose as you can get more milk into them.

Breastfeeding is easier for some reasons (lack of washing) etc - but there are definitely drawbacks.

See what works for you when the time comes. IMO breast feeding is very tiring at first, but easy when it’s established and so much less faff when you are out with your baby. Do what works for you and what you feel comfortable with.

What rubbish. I breastfed because I wanted to. After the latch sorted itself it was so much less faff than all the sterilising and making up bottles. We were always ready to go!

I found life became 100x easier when I stopped BF at around 3 weeks.

DH was able to do more so I had to do less - including washing and sterilising bottles which literally took no more than 20 mins a day.

Some babies are just born more relaxed, but breastfeeding little and often, especially in the evenings, and being extremely reliant on their mother is completely biologically appropriate and normal for all babies. Formula feeding is a completely valid and largely safe option in this country.

BF was something that really, really mattered to me and it was worth all of the hard work in the very early weeks. For 6 weeks of struggle with DD1 I 'got' 10 years of joy, breastfeeding 4 babies until toddlerhood.

If it doesn't matter to you, then the juice may not be worth the squeeze, to coin a phrase. Main thing to remember is that it is YOUR baby and YOU get to choose where you want to put your energy and time.

It’s not one or the other. You can mix feed. Personally I did mainly breast, except a 10am ish bottle my husband gave (meant I could take my wild toddler out for a few hrs) until about 4months when I started doing a bottle at night too (so we could share). Then at about 6 months I transitioned to formula completely.

I opted to breastfeed (and was fortunate enough to be able to) because it was free, always at the right temperature and no sterilising needed.
I’d worked as a nanny as I found it more stressful to be waiting for a bottle to warm up/cool down with an upset baby. But when mum walked in and whipped out a boob there was no stress.
Ultimately, you find what works for you and your family be it EBF, FF or mixed.

I think it depends on how things go, it’s a very individual thing, and it also depends at what stage of babyhood you see them at.

A EBF mum 4 weeks postpartum will typically be up more in the night due to cluster feeding, baby will be on & off lots through the day as supply is building etc. A FF mum 4 weeks postpartum will be able to share feeds with dad & a bottle is a bottle so no building supply issues.

At 6 months though EBF mum’s are leaving the house with a couple of nappies and some wipes whereas FF are packing bottles, flasks, rapid cool, formula pots, getting home and sterilising everything, plus through the night it takes me 2 seconds to stick baby on the boob compared to having to get up and prepare a bottle, and I’ve not yet in 2 breastfed babies met an upset the boob can’t solve in seconds😂

You have to choose your hard really. Breastfeeding for the early weeks while you are getting adjusted is harder, but long term is easier and less faff than formula feeding.

I bottle fed and I won’t lie I feel I had it easier than all of my friends (all my children slept from early on, my friends were sore and exhausted) but I do worry sometimes that my children missed out on the benefits health wise.

I found BF much easier.

Some people find FF much easier.

I dont understand why you have to make BF sound utterly miserable in order to make a choice to FF. Just do what works for you.