Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

YABU to compare 1 baby who is chill with every other baby. I've had 4 kids, some BF for a long time and some not - the not BF baby was just as hard if not harder, didn't sleep through until he was 5 years old. Its luck of the drawer with the temperament of your baby. Also BF is not always hard, im not saying some mums dont struggle but not everyone does

I felt like this 20 yrs ago when I watched my friends bf. Back then it was Gina ford and leave babies to cry etc . I felt breastfeeding and leaving babies to cry were all tied up together. I felt I just couldn’t do that. Also they all seemed to hate their partners who were off continuing their lives. It just looked like a horrendous pressure that I didn’t feel I could cope with. (On reflection this was probably how I felt about motherhood in general and I wish I coukd have taken the pressure off myself)
I FF both my kids. I think it worked well with my first. The second would have been better bf I suspect.
Howevet don’t look for justification you are doing the right thing!! I remember just feeling more and more guilty as you will just read ‘breast is best’ everywhere .

Agree with everything here.

I have also fed both ways, as have my friends, and mothers I have supported, and IMO the feeding is often the least important factor in the mother’s overall wellbeing. The exception is when the mother is unhappy with her feeding method, wanting one method but having to feed with the other method. Then the feeding can become the focus of her unhappiness or dis-satisfaction.

Mother and baby are a dyad: the right thing is what works for both of you. And things that bother you now, when they are theoretical, can become irrelevant when you are actually living them.

I too worried about health… but my first was almost all formula after 6 weeks and she’s just so so robust as a child! But so is my more breast fed baby… so… who knows.

I’ll tell you what made me happy way more than method of feeding. Having a supportive husband who did his equal share of parenting, supported me to catch up on sleep, did all the housework and cooking for the first month at least, sat with me and helped me get baby latched on in those early days, was just present and involved, with both babies.

A lot of exhausted women could be less exhausted if their husbands pulled their fingers out. My second baby woke every 45 mins for the first six months of her life but I never felt that exhausted as DH made sure that I got to catch up on that sleep.

I breastfed both mine. The first few weeks with the first one were hard, but mostly because I was trying to follow the 'rules' and feed to a schedule and make him sleep in his own bed at set times. Big headache. Once I discarded all the 'shoulds' it was a lot easier - especially when he was sick - me too, actually! The D&V bug that hit the whole family was particularly memorable!

With my second i ignored what I "should" do from day one and the whole thing was brilliant from day one. As soon as she sqwawked I shoved her on the boob instead of trying everything else first because it hadn't been x amount of time since her last feed.

But I would agree with people upthread - happiness tends to have more to do with the birth, your recovery, your support, how much sleep you get. Sometimes feeding can be a part of that, but there's different ways to approach it with FF and with BF.

I think the biggest thing you can do right now is not start setting yourself 'rules' that you can break - like you definitely are or are not going to feed a particular way. That way unhappiness lies for sure

I loved breastfeeding and after the first couple of weeks with first born, found it easy. Second took to it straight away and I was more confident from the off

I developed routine that made it easier for us, probably easier than bottle feeding as I coslept topless so could just allow baby to latch on in the night, rather than actually getting up and had baby in a sling when out and about so was able to slightly move my top and latch on

Was very happy and relaxed with our choice to breastfeed.

I EBF my first and FF my second from day 3. I found BF awful, for all the reasons you stated, but particularly not being able to share the nights and being chained to the baby for months. I had two little and often feeders, and despite sterilising and making up bottles, I found it a million times easier to FF. It was obviously much more of an expense, but the saving to my mental health was worth it.

Totally disagree. I EBF and it was brilliant. Not only because I didn’t have to faff with bottles, but because it helped me bond with the babies. It would have an instant positive effect on my mood. But yes it can be stressful when you struggle to get it established.

It’s one of the best things I’ve done in my life. Some very special memories.

I chose to formula feed my first, and try to mix feed my second but you rejected a bottle and we quickly ended up EBF.

With my breastfed baby I was a lot more tired, and I think that made it harder and made me less happy. Though it was also my second child so I probably would have been more tired anyway.

We had a great set up at night for my bottle baby, so I could be feeding within about 30 seconds and didn't need to get out of bed. Having breast fed for nearly three years with my second I can say a system with my first for night bottles was just as easy.

We shared the bottle admin, which was no more difficult than making a round of tea and coffee, and we split and then alternated the nights.

Having an unbroken 8 hours sleep every other night meant I was never really tired. It also meant I had more energy for a social life.

In contrast although my husband did as much as he could with our second, being the one with the boobs meant the feeding was all on me, and in the early months feeding is a lot of what they do! We couldn't share the loads in the same way although we tried.

That being said if I had a third I would try for the mixed feeding again, accepting that again I may end up breastfeeding. I found it knackering, time consuming, and imbalanced for us as a couple, but I liked that it felt natural, and instinctual.

I agree with you that breastfeeding involves a lot of self sacrifice and can cause a lot of stress, particularly in the beginning. I think this is because mums know it’s best for their baby that they drive themselves demented sometimes trying to make it work. I used to envy FF mums whose babies seemed to sleep better. But if I had the choice again I’d still do it, because it was the whole approach to how I mothered my babies, not just how they fed. It was a beautiful, very fulfilling thing to do, and maybe you see the moans and not the good sides. Both have downsides but once bf is going it’s easy and one of the most special things I did with my babies.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I BF, as did most of my friendship group and I’d agree with the previous post - the faff of cleaning and mixing bottles, it not being ‘immediate’ meaning handling a grouchy baby while prepping them etc meant that those who were BF were much more relaxed (from my observation)- pop baby on the boob and your away. I am
not particularly organised so the though of managing the extra stuff needed for FF was stressing me out. I was also very lucky that it all went fine for us other than being sore for a few days. But, you need to whatever you are happy with to just make the right choice for you and your baby.

Good luck.

We combi-fed initially due to tongue tie but then reduced the formula feeds to EBF. I found formula a faff with all the sterilising etc. when I was out and about it was easier to stick baby on the boob than faff about with formula.

I think the happy mums are the ones where it's working- bf or not. I wanted to bf because I'm a swot who wants too do things the 'right' way and go experience everything. It was bloody hard work to start with, but I'm also competitive and refused to give in. I was also happy to go with the flow and not really do routine. That made me happy.

I had friends who did a combination. That made them happy.

I knew one woman who wanted a rigid routine, so she ff. That made her happy.

That bunch of kids have all just got their gcse results. No one's asked them how they were fed as babies.

Some people find breastfeeding easy and those people assume it’s the same for everyone - it’s not. People are often made to feel inadequate if they find it difficult/doesn’t come easy and that’s really not fair. Being a parent is hard enough without feeling judged or made to feel less than

You do what is easiest for you and your baby.

It's just you. 😉

I bf all three of mine and found it very easy right from the start. Never having to worry about running out of milk, especially when out and about, and being able to feed the baby without having to get out of bed, are huge advantages imo.
I'd give it a try and if you don't enjoy it, you can always switch to formula.

I think it is just you tbh

I’m also going to put out the controversial opinion that sometimes you do need to sacrifice a bit of your own ‘wellbeing’ for what’s best for your baby.

Sometimes I think we’ve gone a bit so far down this ‘self care’ road where people refuse to do anything that might make their life a bit more difficult or tricky in the short-term because of their ‘mental health’ or ‘wellbeing’. Yes it can be hard establishing breastfeeding and any number of things related to baby care, but that doesn’t mean we just shouldn’t do it or even try.

I absolutely hated BF, the horrible feelings going through me at let down, it was truly awful! I managed 13 weeks with my first and about 5-6 with my second. I read about DMER after finishing BF and think I had this, it was such a wave of awful feelings and they were so intense.
I certainly felt so much better when I was ff

I think the problem might be with mums that you met that maybe they would have benefited from mixed or different ways of feeding. I met plenty of mums who breastfed with no stress and actually at meets up I was jealous of them as they were not lugging around bottles and supplies to make bottles.

i also know mums who became quite unwell with the stress of breastfeeding.

with my second - I took an approach - we tried breast feeding. After 2 weeks it was working for me - having a positive experience for us both was important.

consider this approach - you try it? Doesn’t work then switch to bottles

This was my experience too.

But them on the flip side, there's the aggro of preparing, washing and sterilising bottles!

It depends massively on what you want. I didn't feel any lack of bonding with my baby for FF but others might feel differently. She was also rarely unwell and apart from the starting nursery spate of sickness, has always been very healthy.

I'd say keep an open mind, neither way should be demonised. A fed baby and happy mother is best.

I loved BF mine. It was so easy to just grab baby and go. No sterilising, measuring, worrying about hot water, not taking enough etc. If I had me then my baby was fed. It was easy.

two things though, I found Bf easy and had no issues with latch or pain or supply, so I was fortunate not to have that stress. I also had (and still have a DH) who shared the load and so although I did all feeds he was cooking, cleaning, doing changes, taking baby so I could rest and shower etc.

So I said YABU only because it’s different for everyone.

I’d say the opposite, breastfeeding is so much less faff than bottles. It’s constantly on tap, no need to drag yourself downstairs in the night with a crying baby, feed lying down and by 2 months old both mine would feed in bed and I’d barely wake up(Co sleeping) I could travel without hassle, flying long haul and just easy once you get through the learning process for dc1, dc2 it was immediately easy

As someone who had a fussy non sleeping formula fed baby, I’d say it depends mainly on the baby you get rather than the feeding. I also got a content sleepy formula fed baby so it’s just luck of the draw