Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

The pro’s of breastfeeding for your child last forever: improved immunity, reduced risk of multiple cancers, less likely to be overweight, have glue ear etc.

Formula milk is the ultra processed milk of another species, a cow. A human child can’t process it so easily so sleeps more working hard to do so.

I breastfed both my children and the year I did so for was challenging but I couldn’t have bottle fed. I’d rather suffer short term than burden them long term.

There are pros and cons, I did FF twice. I knew I wouldn’t cope with the lack of sleep being the sole feeder, we got a routine going really quick and could predict when baby would need a feed so could organise our day round this. The trade off was the constant having to explain this to other people (the judgment from others was real), the sterilising of bottles, cost of formula and the guilt whenever they caught colds.
as for the difference in intellect and health people talk about……as they’ve grown up they are no more and no less healthy than breastfed babies and the illnesses are not as frequent now.

I am a strong believer in happy mum and happy baby.

But you have done this. Several posters have pointed it out. Perhaps you aren't aware of it. But it's exactly what you're doing.

Being breastfed as an infant does not reduce the risk of multiple cancers in later life.Large-scale adult studies and reviews show no clear evidence that being breastfed as a baby lowers overall cancer risk later in life.If you have an unhealthy diet and have little exercise you will be overweight regardless of how you were fed as a baby.

Child, teen and adult food and exercise have a massive impact on health. Breast feeding is a parent choice that really scores very low on impact on life. Food throughout childhood and adulthood, exercise, screen time, air quality, access to books are far more worthy of angst.

Did you formula feed your baby?

I did both, why?

Because people often get prickly when you point out the facts.

My decision was the perfect one for my family. I’m assuming you did the same for yours?
Regardless of how we fed our babies, we are both right - neither better than the other.

Those aren’t facts. I pointed out the facts-being breastfed as an infant does not reduce the risk of multiple cancers in later life.Large-scaleadult studies and reviews show no clear evidence that being breastfed as a baby lowers overall cancer risk later in life.If you have an unhealthy diet and have little exercise you will be overweight regardless of how you were fed as a baby.

As the parents of adults I can assure you the choice to breast feed is a parenting choice with one of the teeniest impacts which becomes increasingly more evident as they move towards adulthood. So many other parenting choices are far more worthy of airtime.

Agreed.

But as several posters have mentioned you seem committed to replying to any poster who says anything positive about breastfeeding.

As I say perhaps you aren't aware of it. But it's very clear to many of us on an anonymous forum.

So I breastfed all my kids for at least a year… honestly, breastfeeding hurts for a good 2-4 weeks. Then IMO it’s brilliant! It’s free, it’s extremely good for the baby’s immune system, it means you don’t have to be faffing around with bottles in the night, it reduces health risks for you and it helps shift your baby weight. It’s literally what your breasts are for. I also co-slept with mine.

some babies and Mums don’t take to breastfeeding or co-sleeping at all. And that’s completely fine!

As someone else upthread said, do what feels right for you and your baby and your mental health.

Try not to judge anyone who does things differently from you. Everyone is doing their best.

Congratulations on your baby op!

Bf does not hurt everyone for 2 to 4 weeks. Not my experience at all

Useful paper in the lancet medical journal for those not sure about the benefits and whether they are over egged:
Breastfeeding in the 21st century: epidemiology, mechanisms, and lifelong effect - The Lancet https://share.google/8VxAltdUtsriztmBl
Helps to contextualise the benefits of breastfeeding for babies and mothers. A striking estimate of worldwide deaths of all babies that could be avoided were optional bf to occur. Reduction in obesity and diabetes is a big issue in longer term health. Also for mother's who bf, reduced risk of breast and ovarian cancer, hypertension, heart disease - a public health magic bullet, it's a total wonder that effective support is not funded properly considering the huge cost savings to the heath budget. Most women want to bf but nationally the support is poor so pain, low supply, undetected tongue tie and so on are the norm

Prepared to be berated for being selfish but I simply couldn't face the thought of making/washing/sterilising bottles in the middle of the night!
Also formula is so expensive!
It was difficult at first to breastfeed with both of my children but once we'd cracked it I didn't want to waste all that time and energy. It certainly didn't make us housebound or whatever, I fed them anywhere just as hungry adults eat anywhere. And as newborns my partner brought them to me to feed in the night and they settled them back to sleep.
I fed my oldest until he naturally weaned at a year. My youngest I fed til 3.5 as she didn't want to stop, I'm sure people will have something to say about that 🙄 but it's natural and healthy.
If you don't want to breastfeed then don't, no one cares, you'll be in the vast majority if you're in the UK

No worries! I'm sorry that the professionals around you all gaslit you, and pressured you. It does seem shocking to me that if your milk hasn't come in on day 4 or 5 they wouldn't consider that a serious concern, and have supplementation recommended even if they continue to encourage BFing.

(I remember 18 years ago in NZ (very similar to the UK health system) the midwives did push BFing, but FF was accepted if not suggested, and I recall mums whose milk had come in volunteering supplementation by syringe for other mums whose milk hadn't but who wanted to BF, just to make sure baby was getting enough nourishment, which I thought was very cool.)

I don't think there is that much pressure in England since the norm is formula feeding?

I'm going back 30 years and there was a lot then.

Ok, it isn't like that now though. I think it's something like 28% breastfeed

In fact, I've had more negative comments about breastfeeding than my friends who ff. Apparently it's "weird" to breastfeed. Especially extended breastfeeding.

That doesn't surprise me, given this thread. I'm sorry you had negative comments. It's shit.

Its good that women are no longer pressured. I was bossed about from my first ante natal appointment. Told I'd put on too much weight (I gained just over 2 stone in total and was just shy of 11 stone when i gave birth) and needed to BF to get my figure back.
Told I must BF immediately to establish bonding despite having a spinal leak from a dodgy epidural and the worst headache of my life.
Ignored when I said DS never seemed satisfied and told to persevere, so I was trying all day and night and we were both distressed.
I was young and felt constantly judged.

Yeah that's horrible. The judgement is shit. Pressure still seems to be there though, maybe even from other women, given this thread was literally set up to judge BF mothers as miserable.

My DC are all young and I felt the pressure to breastfeed during my pregnancies. Especially with my first.

Hounding someone who has made it clear that they don't want to breastfeed about it isn't the way to go. It got to the point that I added to my birth plan for them to not ask me about breastfeeding at the birth.

Making sure a woman has made an informed choice is one thing but if she has decided, leave her alone and concentrate on those who really want and need the breastfeeding support.

I'm sorry you've had negative comments. I would've hoped it would be better these days.
Back when my children were toddlers (12 years ago, for the youngest) I used to cop a lot of flak for BFing - aside from nasty comments made several times about how it would ruin my breasts, there were people frowning or making pointed comments in shops or cafes, or asking me to cover up, and friends and some older family members started up with the 'aren't they getting a bit old for it?' and 'when are you going to stop?' as soon as they hit 12 months old. There was a surprising amount of negativity.

I suppose maybe that's why there was (is?) a fair amount of pressure from the health system to at least try BFing, as it's objectively biologically healthier if it's doable/the mum's mental health doesn't suffer, and socially speaking all the pressure was to just FF as that was/is the norm.

I breast fed exclusively for around 6 months, then introduced formula once a day so others could feed and we could have evenings out. Breastfeeding in the early days. - it was easy to go out and about, like others have said just a small change bag and good to go. We were out and about by day two going for lovely walks. We went away when baby was just a few days old to stay with family, it was easy not having to take ridiculous amounts of stuff. Also some people have said about bottle fed babies being better sleepers, I think that has been proven to be a myth. Mine was a really good sleeper and sleeping through the night relatively young. I think the sleeping through the night is more related to routine, day time naps (length and time of day) and sleep environment. When we did introduce a bottle of formula I bought a Nuby rapid cool and a UV steriliser, I’d highly recommend both for making your life easy.