Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

It’s just you

BF is great if it works for you

Everyone's experience is different. I had an emergency C-section, baby couldn't latch and then they thought she had lost too much weight so formula feeding just made more sense for me. I would have loved to breastfeed but I didn't dwell on it not working. I don't think I'd be any more bonded with my baby but I would have saved money and hassle in terms of preparing bottles.

Depends on the baby and mums attitude I think. I was planning on bottles but ended up BF because it was easier FOR ME AND MY CHILD and im lazy

My DS took to BF almost immediately. Had no problems latching - though tbf he was admitted to NICU after 20 hours on the maternity ward. The ward was awful, refused to help and after the NHS maternity classes pushes so much for exclusive BF they couldnt give a shit to help and wanted him on a bottle asap.

An hour in the NICU and a nurse had showed me how to hold him, how to latch and it was smooth sailing feeding wise from there.

I know I would havw struggled more had I been discharged straight from the ward.

I also fed anywhere and everywhere. Didn't give a shit who I was in front of
I was feeding my child. If someone had a problem it wasnt mine.
Friends who have struggled often BF in private and feel isolated, but have told me they don't feel comfortable- I dont care, so thats one thing to consider.

I also fed a lot when he was in a sling so I had extra freedom there.
Plus no faff of sterilised bottles.
He needed medication mixed with formula milk as a top after 5 months and I couldn't express and I hated all cleaning and formula faff - ended up mostly using cartons as it was only a small amount.

Loved being able to go with the flow (as long as we had nappies)
Night times were very easy

Of my friends the only ones who struggled with BF were
-Hard latch or undiagnosed tongue tie - get this checked asap if its a hard latch
-Sore/broken nipples/breasts (I never had this luckily)
-Embarrassed to feed in public or in front of friends and family

But whatever fed is best and it doesn't matter at all what you do.
Mine is now a teen and I haven't had a conversation with any of his friends parents about how they were fed.

Enjoy your baby and do what you feel is right.

I have 2 kids, one BF one bottle. Honestly there’s positives and negatives to both. Do what feels right for you.

And bf doesn't mean you can't go out etc either. I expressed with both and was able to go out without baby after a couple of months. Particularly memorable with dc 2 was taking a handpump on a night out 3 months after birth, because my boobs were so full my midnight. Wouldn't have done that first time round.

This OP has much much bigger things to worry about than navel gazing about breastfeeding and happiness, going by her posting history

There’s loads of evidence of how it benefits baby but if you can’t be bothered then don’t 🤷🏻‍♀️

I found BF fine once I got used to it, which took a few days. It releases chill out endorphins so it was actually a relaxing experience that helped survive early parenthood.

I never did the expressing thing though (tried it once or twice) as I thought bugs would get in and it wouldn't be as sterile as breastfeeding.

I think you’re massively oversimplifying it tbh.

I found breastfeeding DD1 the easiest thing ever. I combi fed DD2 after a few months for various reasons, and found the bottles etc a faff.
But that is one person’s experience.

There’s so much more to how hard a newborn might be. BF and FF are just hard in different ways, and those ways will suit different people. Some people might read me saying I found the bottles a faff and think “wtf is she talking about, it’s easy to sort bottles!”. That doesn’t mean they’re right and I’m wrong, or the other way round. We’re just different.

I combi fed mine at first then he decided bottles were evil and formula was gross so that was that 🤣

I will say I was certainly happier than the nut job mums in a local baby group who tried to make me leave the room to feed my son in the corridor because apparently it was "triggering" 🙄

I BF for 2 horrible weeks ! It didn't work for me or the baby. , if you do decide to BF make sure the baby gets used to the bottle ! You will be pressurised to BF but make your own decision.

It's not PC to admit but yes I've noticed this. I ff and my dc slept really well, this seems to be common. It's often, although not always, bf babies that don't sleep. I also felt back to normal straight away and didn't have lots of anxiety, I guess it's because the bf hormones aren't there to affect you so much. I loved the newborn time and didn't find it stressful at all.

I love the idea of bf but it just wasn't worth it for me. Lots of women on here say it was really easy, for the night they simply sleep next to the baby, on their side with no shirt on and no blanket on the bed. Sorry, that sounds terrible!

But you can't admit the above, or you'll be accused of being anti feminist, anti woman, and a formula company plant.

There is so many variables, I think whether you do or don’t breast feed is your choice.

BF is slightly harder at the beginning, your body is doing something it hasn’t done before with a baby all reliant on instinct.

With my first, I tried, struggled and turned to formula within a week . She wasn’t a great sleeper and had colic. It was hell time with a baby who hated sleep.

With my second, we both took to BF and she slept well. Hard for the first couple of weeks (not having backup at night) but once all established easy. Until I then felt like a walking dummy at 10 months and she refused a bottle - she eventually caved & I stopped.

I hate the negative around either choice, just because you chose one thing over the other doesn’t mean you get what you expect.

I think there are so many variables and pros and cons to breastfeeding and each woman’s experience to say really.

If you find/found BF easy then you are likely to be more relaxed but if your DP is unhelpful, useless, or whatever then that’s going to counter how you feel. Then you could find BF hard, have endless issues with latch, mastitis, etc and you could end up finding it all stressful and a slog regardless of how your DP is.

BF babies usually need to feed much more frequently which again puts pressure on you only, but a FF baby may possibly sleep for longer stretches but bottles need to be cleaned, sterilised, and made up, however they can in theory be fed by anyone. So, pros and cons all round regardless of how you feed.

I EBF for 6 months and overall did not like the experience at all and I wish I had stopped at about 3 months. I persevered because I wanted to get to 6 months but life changed so much when we switched to FF that in hindsight I wished I had stopped BF earlier.

I do feel sad when I see posts occasionally from mums who are desperate to BF and it just isn’t working for them for various reasons like mastitis, latch, or enough supply etc. Plus their baby is not gaining weight and nothing they try helps and they’ve been told to move to FF and they say they are devastated by this. I feel there needs to be a balance with information regarding feeding in that BF is best but sometimes there are medical reasons why this won’t be possible for all women and that it is perfectly fine to FF. I don’t think it is helpful for women to feel so much pressure to BF that they end up feeling so incredibly upset and devastated if it doesn’t work out for them. FF babies will thrive just as much as BF.

You never sterilised toys or dummies? Yuck!

I exclusively breastfed all three of mine. I didn’t struggle with establishing feeding and not only is it better for babies but it’s much less faff if it works. Given the known benefits I think it’s odd not to at least give it a go but each to their own.

Maybe the didn’t have dummies - mine didn’t. You really don’t need to sterilise toys either.

I agree with this, but it's also easy to go too far down this road... As PPs have said, it's all about the balance of everything, not just the feeding.

I never sterilised toys. Slightly laz with cleaning. Caught both kids eating pet food. Two ridiculously robust and healthy kids.

I’m sure, but also one very neglectful parent and that’s coming from a social worker.

I would have loved to have been able to do mixed feeding but I had a bottle refuser.

I still breastfeed occasionally at 2.5 months and it's been a godsend when my son has been ill (which he has been only rarely).

You haven’t mentioned any of the benefits of bf for the baby.
For me, it was at times one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, mainly because my baby was in a harness then a brace for hip dysplasia. Positions were very tricky and feeding took a long time. She had reflux from the harness and I was told switching to formula would probably make it worse not better. So I stuck with it. It was knackering and very frustrating at times but it was an amazing experience I’m so glad I got to have. It helped me to bond with my baby and I see it as a big part of the basis for the relationship I have with her now years later. I do wish I had stopped earlier though. And I wish I’d gone with my instincts more and listened to other people a lot less. Most of the information I got wasn’t relevant to me. I was doing fine but still worried I was getting it wrong.
It is a very individual thing, not one homogeneous experience.
A relaxed, chilled out parent doesn’t necessarily mean a good parent either. It doesn’t automatically mean they know what they’re doing or are doing what’s best. Two of the most chilled out first time mums I’ve met: one nearly choked her baby by bottle feeding incorrectly and the other was exclusively bf, didn’t know how to recognise hunger cues, thought the baby would always cry when hungry, didn’t wake him for feeds and ended up with her newborn being admitted to hospital dehydrated and underweight.

I breast fed both of my children and extremely happy I chose to do so. I agree, there are negatives, but the positives outweighed that for me.

Breastfeeding is hard at the start but soon becomes very easy. It was also important to me to give my child my milk for the antibodies etc. I know that can be a sore point for some, but that was my personal opinion for my own children.

However, my kids slept dreadfully as babies. I believe that was cos they were breastfed. Luckily, it doesn't take long to settle them though due to no bottles to prep etc. My daughter has just turned 2 and still fed to sleep at bed time. I've stopped cold turkey this week and after one initial night of crying hell, she is already over it.

I breastfed, I didn't feel it tied to my baby, my instinct was have her near me anyway.

I breastfed as all evidence shows that it's best for the baby's health and development, and it's bond with the mother.

I know that some women physically can't breastfeed, but if you don't even try, would you not feel that you haven't done everything you can to give your baby the best start in life?

You can never claim that you'd 'do anything for your kids' if you don't even try to breastfeed for the first few months.

Yes I do know what you mean. I hated BF, it felt like the mums around me who were FF were happier, they were able to hand baby over for longer, weren’t dealing with the pain and other issues of BF, though people will refute this their babies were sleeping better.

I wouldn’t have done it any differently though, BF is just far superior for the baby than FF, it’s as simple as that. The health benefits are huge.

I hated every minute of it, had PND both times which I have no doubt was largely caused by BF, I did 6 months EBF (no weaning) with both of mine, and managed to keep it up until the 8-9 month mark with both but when I went back to work I decided the health benefits no longer outweighed the miserableness I was dealing with, introduced formula and slowly started to enjoy motherhood.

It was the right decision for me but it did come at a cost, it did cost me enjoying those early months and took me a while to bond with my children. It won’t be for everyone, but I don’t think it helps to pretend BF isn’t hard, especially in the early days, when you get into the swing of it many say it’s easier without all the sterilising etc. I personally struggled with the dependency on me. But it was something I could give my children that ive never regretted.

I think the important thing is to really understand the difference between breast milk and formula. There is no wrong decision, but you should make an informed one.