Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

Oh also! I did find it had a really baby blues after my first who i ff but didn't after the bf babies. I don't know if that was a hormone crash or something but other mums who I've spoken to have said similar. So mental health wise bf felt easier for me aswell.

I EBF my baby and I have found it really easy and stress free. Baby whining, whack out the boob. No need to bother making up a bottle etc. Middle of the night feeds I can stay half asleep - just get him out his next to me, stick him on the boob and then pop him back. I like that when we go out or away I don’t really have to worry about anything as no matter what happens I can always feed him eg massive delays or lose a bag or something. I love the bonding and cuddles - the feed before bed is my favourite time of the whole day.

I haven’t had any pain or difficulties really and that was even with a C-section and baby being in NICU and tube fed for weeks (had to express to keep supply up). He did have a tongue tie so we needed nipple shields to begin with but once he got that snipped he latched without. I suppose it does mean I can’t leave him as much but he does take a bottle of expressed milk so hasn’t really impacted me and at the moment I wouldn’t want to leave him longer than a few hours at a time anyway (5 months).

I know we have been lucky and it’s not this easy for everyone but equally you could be one of the lucky ones too! If you’re keen I would suggest giving it a go but being open to moving to formula/combi feeding if you do find it challenging. I will probably get shot down for pointing this out but there really are so many benefits to breastfeeding for your baby (and this was drilled into me in NICU by all the Drs/nurses). That’s not to say people who formula feed are doing anything wrong and a fed baby is best but if you can easily breastfeed without any detriment to your mental or physical health then it is the better option for your baby.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, I will echo the others that have said do what works for you. If that’s formula then fine.

I found preparing for breastfeeding is like preparing to have a baby. The best time to learn about breastfeeding is before the baby is born, when the baby is here it will need feeding now and not wait for you to find answers to your breastfeeding questions.

I needed to understand what happens during breastfeeding, infant feeding behaviour, proper latching, growth spurts, demand feeding etc. At the same time I attended a maternity/breastfeeding workshop and built contacts with other parents through the “meets”. I met parents breastfeeding newborns to 4 year olds and each had their experiences to share. There I built a support network I was able to tap into once baby was born.

The first person to suggest that my baby’s eczema may be related to food was a lovely Polish lady without any medical qualifications. But my GP dismiss it as very unlikely as my baby was gaining weight. Until he was diagnosed at 6 months with a dairy and egg allergy.

I had two more babies after the first and all three were breastfed until they were almost 2.5, so the allergy didn’t affect breastfeeding for us.

I love breastfeeding, and have found it so much easier. It’s amazing not having to think about measuring/ sterilizing/ preparing things. I love how breast milk soothes so instantly, too - any upset and I can just stick DS on the boob and he is happy again!

I was very happy breastfeeding.

No hassle, just pack my boobs and go.

No faffing around sterilising, heating bottles, packing equipment. Couldn’t be doing with all that.

I had my first long before SM so read no horror stories about how difficult it was going to be. I know I was lucky, but I found it easy, at least for the first 5-6 months. After that I didn’t seem to have quite enough, so the almost non stop feeding did drive me to bottles, and it was a relief when they eventually decided to take them.

However I had my first in hospital, where you stayed for a week, and there was a set routine for feeding - 6 am, 10, 2, 6, 10, 2 am - she took to it happily and the routine continued at home. I know people hold up their hands in horror now, but four hourly feeding did mean relatively full tummies, so they were more likely to sleep in between, and mine did.

I had twins so I always knew I didn’t want to breastfeed long term. I did want to try it though, and just see how I got on. I won’t go in to the gory details, but it didn’t go well!! I combi fed for 8 weeks but don’t underestimate all the sodding washing and sterilising if you’re using formula bottles and having to sterilise the pump too. From 8 weeks on after breaking down in front of my HV I went to solely formula. It was so important for me and my recovery to be able to share the feeds with my husband. God I felt so much better.

Every single mother you meet will have a different story about feeding, my own sister BF for nearly 4 years across her two kids and loved it. Just try what you want to try, and see how you get on!!

I love breastfeeding. I wasn’t able to breastfeed my first child for more than 6 weeks due to baby not putting on enough weight so we had to introduce a bottle, but my second and third I’ve exclusively breastfed and it’s not been at all easy at times; but it’s been worth it for me.

I had that approach. Try it but don’t nail yourselves to the cross for it.
Did 6 months and then stopped, it worked out partly because (imo) I was relaxed and there were a few cartons of formula and bottles in the press if needed.

I had twins and tried to BF but found it really difficult for various reasons. For me FF was much easier - I could also share the load. Babies both fed at the same time during the night so better sleep for us both. They were easy, happy and content babies and so was I as a mother. Sure you have to be more organised for a trip out but that's not hard! They were 6 weeks prem and soon made up for it and are now 6ft 3! Don't put pressure on yourself - go with the flow and if BF doesn't work for you then don't feel guilty FF instead. If you are a happy Mum you are more likely to have a happy baby.

I would try it and see how you feel - but don’t be hard on yourself if it’s not for you
I loved breastfeeding both my DC
DD herself now has a 5 month old baby who is exclusively breast fed and has been sleeping through since quite early on

First week of breastfeeding was tough as baby wouldn’t latch properly and had 0 support from medical professionals but after that I loved it. I felt so close to DC and it was so satisfying seeing them chonk up into little fatties solely from what my body was producing. DC1 is a fantastic eater compared to bottle fed friends and I think it’s also down to how breastmilk changes depending on what the mother is eating - rather than drinking the exact same thing for 6+ months with no variety.

It was so convenient not having to deal with sterilising, heating bottles etc (my post partum self was extremely stressed about all that). Just whip one out wherever and whenever and away you go 😃

Another bonus was not having a period for 2 years though I know for some women it comes back faster.

I went back to work after 6 months and DC just fed in the morning/evenings.

(This is all stuff I could never say in public out of fear of offending)

I think doing what you want, and having a supportive partner, is what makes you happier.

I found BFing a breeze, so much so that I did it until my kids were 3, and loved the ease of it and lack of faff. The thought of needing bottles and other bits, getting up in the night, sterilising things, worrying about over-feeding, not being able to comfort feed, and having to buy formula, all seemed so much harder than just whipping out a breast whenever needed. (Edit: Oh, and as pp said, no period for 18 months after birth!)

I'm sure many people think BFing sounds awful though, and love the thought of FFing. Just do whatever you want to do.

I think it's hard to make a decision on a snapshot. For me breastfeeding was initially really hard. But once we were established, the whole rest of their babyhood was a breeze compared to the mum's having to sterilise and cart around bottles etc. Like everything, there are ups and downs to everything.

I will say that I didn't bf because I thought it would make me happier. That wasn't really part of my decision. I did what I thought was best for my family.

Ultimately it's a personal decision.

It is miserable but it's infinitely better for the baby. So you have to pick your poison. Suffer through it knowing it gives your baby better outcomes or FF and live with the guilt of not BFing. It's a tough choice and one of the many mental tortures of being a new mum.

One slight modification is if you express and then feed with a bottle you at least can get someone else to do it and know how much they've had.

I did it with both dc for over a year and loved it.

I don’t understand comments about being housebound. I felt it was much easier to get out and about knowing I didn’t need to take bottles and formula etc with me, unlike friends who ff, I felt I had more freedom.

Once I started weaning I was annoyed at how much more of a faff it was thinking about carrying food out and about!

but I was pretty confident feeding in public and not really self conscious about whereas I know others feel differently. I found wearing a vest top underneath a looser top made it really easy- I’d pull the vest down and the other top up and it made it feel pretty discreet, not that you should have to be discreet about feeing a baby but that’s what worked for me.

I entirely BF all three of mine. I knew it was the very best thing for them and I really wanted to give them the best start in life.

I also couldn’t stand the thought of buying bottles and formula when I could make milk myself, not to mention the faff of making up feeds and sterilising bottles.

At the beginning, with my first, it was a bit of a trial as we both learned how to do breastfeed. Once we got the hang of it, it was pretty easy. Milk is always available, day or night. All you need to do is get comfy and feed. You have a free hand to eat, drink, read or cuddle your toddler. I never got caught out when we went out, the milk is always there.

It was one of the very best things I could do for my babies and I absolutely recommend it.

I did both (bf up to 6 months and then bottles) and there are pros and cons for both. You do what you think is best for your baby because fed is best.

Apparently though even if you can bf for two weeks it's beneficial for the baby.

I tried to breastfeed both my babies. It hurt, I couldn’t get the latch right. I kept on for the first month but it was making me miserable so I stopped. No regrets.

everyone has there own journeys

Not in my experience. I wanted to BF, and despite months of trying, advice etc never developed a supply. Complete strangers were absolutely foul about it, and it made early motherhood much harder than it need have been.

I found it easyish, so did my DD. My DD could pump, so we all got involved in feeding, after 10 weeks. It was invaluable during bouts of illness. MN is obsessed with UPF until it comes to formula. Then a UPF and cows milk is suddenly ok from birth.

Pumping is awful. I had to exclusively pump for first three months with DD1. When DD2 came I couldn’t face pumping at all. She was either breastfed or if I wanted to go out for more than a couple of hours, DH would give her some Kendamil. I felt happy with the odd formula bottle, it felt like a good balance. It wasn’t very often and past a certain age, the feeding pattern is more predictable so you can easily go out for a length of time without having to worry about it (plus once they start on solids too).

I FF my 3 babies in the 1970s. It was so easy. It takes a few minutes to make a bottle . It also becomes routine to spend 15 minutes of a morning to sterilise a days worth of bottles.
my first baby slept through the night from 11pm to 6am from 4 weeks old .
They are all in their fifties now and healthy and DS one is allergic to horses , which isn’t a problem to stay away from them. None of them have any other allergies.
They have all survived 😂

I never had any mental torture in deciding to use formula and I knew my DC’s would thrive on it. No point in anyone being miserable when there is such an easy solution.
There is no faff with bottles (90 seconds in a Perfect Prep) and bottles in the microwave steriliser for 4 minutes - all of which can be done by your DH, family and friends.

I’ve done both, with youngest being combi fed for a bit due to needing extra calories. I much preferred ebf for the ease of it. Having a screaming baby whilst trying to make and cool a bottle was horrific and really got to me. Not to mention the only bottle she took was mam and they came with few different parts 😂

In all honesty though, you will find something that will work for you and your baby best. Some find breastfeeding easy and get off to a great start, others find it really sore and tough to continue and move onto formula. Either way, your baby having a full tummy and a happy mum is the goal regardless to how you feed 🥰