Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

My feeling is BF is harder for the first couple of weeks but then physically it becomes extremely easy and you never hage to think about bottles or milk

As a culture we dont support women to breastfeed
Pressure isn't the same as support. To breastfeed you need total rest and a good diet. Ie. Probably spending most of your time relaxing or in bed with the baby while others bring you food.

That is normal in some cultures sadly not in ours

I tried so hard to breastfeed. Both of my babies were readmitted for weight loss. I did everything. Fed them constantly. Never put them down. Bathed together. Pumped while they slept (a rare occurrence with DD). When the youngest was a year old, long after we'd switched to bottle feeding at the insistence of our paediatrician, I developed a cyst. Went to the breast clinic for an ultrasound where they also noted I have a below -average amount of glandular tissue. As much as it would break my heart, if there's ever a third, I will go straight to bottle feeding and spare my mental health.

It's hard to rave about how much you love breastfeeding when there's such a strange culture around it and of course there are many people who ff not through choice. So I don't generally talk about it, but I love breastfeeding. It gives such a lovely hormonal lift/calm and bond with your baby. The issues you're describing are usually in the very beginning; remember your baby will need either FF or bf for at least a year. Bf a 9mo is nothing like a 9 day old. If you want to try bf, definitely line up help in case of potential issues but they're not a given; in 4 babies I haven't had anything major. I think the idea of being stuck with your baby all the time is very counter cultural so I understand why it seems like a problem but tbh it's so temporary and I've always preferred being with them and bf to expressing. I didn't like being apart from them early on, it's still a stretch now my youngest is 1.
There is a backdrop of millions of pounds of advertising for formula convincing us it's easy and convenient versus the NHS's paltry public health advertising 😊 and I'm so glad I never had to get up in the night to make bottles! This is, of course, just my experience.

It was tough (though not all the time) for the first six weeks and spectacularly easy after that. Funnily enough I was just chatting to friends last night about how much I miss the impact breastfeeding had on my hormones: I felt chilled out and happy and I breastfed two babies for two years. My ‘normal’ hormonal cycle leans towards PMDD and even when my periods came back after a year I felt a lot saner till I fully weaned.

i think the problem is every woman and baby is unique. For me, broken sleep drives me mad, so being able to do a quick feed and go back to sleep was a godsend. When I went back to work and expressed some breastmilk for my husband so he was in another room with baby I found I still woke and he would keep her for a long stretch early in the night so i definitely don’t think bottle feeding would have worked for he, especially the faff of having to get up and make bottles.

i also had one allergy baby and being able to cut things out of my own diet to figure out what was wrong then slowly introduce allergens that way was a godsend compared with what friends with bottle feeding babies in the same situation went through: the hypoallergenic stuff apparently tastes disgusting and they had real worry about it.

But- I know friends who breastfed too long and made themselves miserable when it wasn’t working out. Looking back, knowing a LOT of women who breastfed, I would say the majority had very happy journeys but that’s self selecting too. If it doesn’t work out, you stop. However I am very grateful for a friend who told me before my first, if you want to breastfeed accept it will probably hurt and be difficult at times for the first few weeks but then it gets easier. For me it was something that made my life much easier and better during a fairly difficult first year with a baby with health issues- for others it isn’t as helpful, and that’s fine too.

I predict a tough old time for you at baby classes, playgroup, school gate…..

I think people who don't struggle with breast feeding are probably happier. Whether that's bf easily or ff.
I was lucky enough to never have any problems breast feeding, it made night feeds a breeze - a next2me cot meant I didn't even have to get out of bed. No scrubbing and sterilising bottles. And no cost! I did express much later on so he could have bottles as well but even that was a good excuse to just sit with a book while the pump did it's thing.
If it had been stressful for me though, I'd have had no problem bottle feeding instead.

Personally I found breastfeeding a lot less faff than having to sterilise bottles and worry about carrying bottles and the right amount of expensive formula around everywhere. There's also the proven long term health benefits for both you and your child from breastfeeding. Some women struggle with it, true, but most don't. I would at least give it a go and give your child the opportunity to benefit and see how you feel about it?

I agree with a PP who said it’s harder at first and easier later to breastfeed. I breastfed both of mine, older would never take a bottle; younger had the occasional bottle of formula from DP between 6m and 12m old. I loved being able to feed them within seconds of signs of hunger, no sterilising, no need to carry stuff around, didn’t need to worry about running out of formula (one was a Covid era baby and friends who were bottle feeding were very stressed during the shopping shortage stage). It’s probably true that I could go out less than friends who formula fed in the early months, and I didn’t stay away from them overnight until they were weaned. But it worked for me and for them, we went out a lot as a family, travelled, my partner still pulled his weight with all the other elements of looking after a baby/toddler. I think the people who have the worst experience overall are those who feel guilty about their choices, persist in trying something that isn’t really working for them and their family, or those who have to do absolutely everything because they don’t get much help in whatever form. I don’t think a feeding approach is something you need to decide now, you can see what works when the baby arrives. But I would say, either can work well so being happy with your own decision is the most important thing.

Depends how easy you find breastfeeding. My first couldn’t feed properly so I had loads of issues and pumped for a bit before switching to formula. So I was happier formula feeding him.

My second latched immediately and had absolutely no issues breastfeeding. He was a poor sleeper and I was so glad I didn’t have the faff of bottles. So with him I was happier breastfeeding.

Surely people's experiences are hugely subjective? It's wrong to make a blanket assumption based on a few friends.

I breastfed, loved it, found it super easy, convinient, really bonding and will be really sad when I give up. Also co sleep so I got plenty of sleep in general.
I think people should feed how they want but breastfeeding is what our bodies were designed to do. It seems wild to argue it's an inconvenience or stops mothers being happy. I'd say it's society with it's external pressures on women to leave their babies, get their babies sleeping through, run around for their husbands and general lack of support for new mothers which is often the problem. And do not get me started on the argument that the Dad has to be able to give baby a bottle so they can bond!

In general formula feeding is easier in the early days, because breastfeeding can take some time to learn and establish. Breastfeeding tends to be easier later on because it's less faff.

Exclusively breastfeeding mothers may be more tired and less happy in the early days compared to a formula feeding mum with a supportive husband who shares the feeds. However, sometimes difficult things are worth doing.

Having done both, I found breastfeeding a difficult and hugely rewarding experience. I formula-fed my second baby but I didn't like it. Compared to breast feeding it felt unnatural and less like me and the baby were a unit. She even smelt wrong!

All you can do is weigh it up and decide. Usually it's worth giving breast feeding a go. In the long run it probably doesn't matter.

Personally I found BF much easier as I could just feed with no preparation and that was a godsend at night-just reached over for baby, fed and we went back to sleep. I fed them when we were out without having to prepare paraphernalia to take with us. But some women don’t enjoy bf and don’t engage with it so if that’s you, don’t stress too much about it and do whatever suits you.

I breastfed and hated it

(I was under a lot of pressure from family,mainly the men who had never bf in their lives,ff was up there with feeding a baby weedkiller)

Once I got over the guilt of a bottle or two,my mental health thrived

Doesn't stop my narc mother (who I'm now nc with and breastfed all of us-and she had TWINS don't ya know?) from sneering and telling everyone that 'her (me) babies had a bottle shoved in their mouths at birth' like it's something to be ashamed of

She knows that's not true and she also knows what a battering my mental health took

If I could do my time again,I'd have ff

I felt like I'd given my body over to my baby for 9 months and just wanted it back

My eldest is almost 30 now and bottles haven't seemed to have damaged her (or her siblings)

My only regret is I tried too hard,for too long to please others

The post partum period, first 3 months, is hard, especially if you breastfeed as it keeps the hormonal shifts happening. If you formula feed you cut that off and your body gets back to itself faster and therefore so does your mental health (unless you wanted to feed but couldn't as that is so difficult to navigate) however as someone who breastfed both into toddler hood I can't describe how lovely the breastfeeding bond is. Once I stop feeding Im less anxious and more myself however there is a specific breastfeeding bond while you do it because evolutionarily there has to be to keep babies alive.

That aside I had a difficult time feeding my first but also a lot of trauma around birth etc so for me feeding was this symbol of me not giving up so despite how hard it w as s stopping would have been harder for me.

I see 2 friends who formula fed and it IS easier for your mental health simply because you're not the only food source (I had bottle refusers) and you can get time to yourself with less guilt. I think formula is an absolute marvel of modern science and gives women options which is amazing.

We only get to live once, I'd say look at how you want that first year or 2 post birth to look and make plans accordingly. There are so many good and right and nurturing ways to be a good mum and so many good decisions even if they seem conflicting. A mum who needs to breastfeed because they need to feel that bond and have the trauma I had will be a better mum for achieving that feeding relationship because it's a positive for her and she'll value it.

A mum who really needs some feeling of independence and returning to herself to be able to emotionally deal with the rigours of motherhood will be a better mum for formula feeding.

A mum who needs medication for pain or mental health that stops her breastfeeding will be better off formula feeding because she can then be there for her baby in so many other ways she's struggle with without that medication.

It's so nuanced and it should be approached as nuanced.

What I wish someone had told me is that day 3 post partum is the most absolutely mental you'll ever feel in your life and you should plan to spend that day with the most supportive person you have available and have a plentiful supply of tissues, comfort shows and snacks of every type. Second time round I knew so spent that day in bed breastfeeding and eating biscuits while I cried. First time I was in the NICU wondering if I'd lost my mind entirely.

There's so much more to being a mum than how you feed them the first year. Do what works for you and sorry for babbling on.

I wasn’t chained to my babies. They were bonded with me. They wanted and needed me. I breastfed first for 6months, second for 1 year and third for two years. I was increasingly happier with each one. Not because of how I chose to feed just because I knew what I was doing. Knew how to soothe them. Knew how to deal with a baby and a toddler etc.
Oh and the one who slept the best was the one who was breastfed the longest.

I BF my three.

I am so conscious that many can't BF that I often play down how awesome it was. I've seen so many posts here that women were 'boasting' about BF and its tone deaf to those who couldn't for whatever reason.

BF for us and our family was the right thing. So much easier, made it one less thing to think about, I was on mat leave so didn't impact 'real life'

Something a friend did was express one feed so dad could do the bedtime feed, I think that's a great idea.

But the ease of producing a bottle at a lunch belies the work of sterilising, measuring, purchasing, sizing up teats etc.

I was very happy breastfeeding, lost the baby weight in a month or so, didn’t have to spend any money on formula or bottles, baby fed as soon as it needs or wants without waiting on kettles and bottles, could stay in bed at night to feed, could stay out anywhere as long as I liked as the milk was always there, sterile, perfect temperature, when we were ill the baby wasn’t or got better very quickly as it’s not just food but portable bespoke medicine.

If you don’t want to do it you’ll find plenty of reasons not to but you don’t need them, just own your choices 🤷‍♀️

maybe I’m an oddball but sterilising bottles, packing the right amount of formula when going out and getting up in the night to make bottles seemed much more faff than popping my babies on the boob and knowing I always had food with me no matter how long I was out. That being said I had masses of milk and no issues with breast feeding (past the initial learning to latch stage and my first having a tongue tie so I used nipple shields until it was cut).

Long term the benefits of getting through those first weeks of learning were massive for me and my babies. I know breast milk is better for them and breast feeding also reduced my risk of getting breast cancer, plus when my first born was extremely ill at 13 months he was refusing even water but still breast fed as it was comfort as much as food for him and I have always been grateful I could keep him hydrated when he was that poorly.

honestly, some mums are happy and some aren’t, it’s not breast feeding or bottle feeding that determines it. Some babies sleep well and others don’t, I knew breast fed babies who were a dream sleeper and others that never slept, I knew bottle fed babies that were both as well.

I primarily breastfed, because I'm essentially lazy and pulling my top up and getting a baby to latch on (which, luckily, she took to immediately) seemed a lot less faff to me than preparing and cleaning bottles. However, my baby also had one bottle a day, at about 10pm, which my wife would give her. That way I could go to bed at about half 8 and get a decent stretch of sleep before she woke up in the early hours for another breastfeed. That one bottle a day was an absolute life-saver.

I must add that I was determined to BF, so the early difficulties were just something to persevere with-like any skill, you have to put up with the learning of it. But they didn’t last long and sure you are a bit sore for a while but that goes away surprisingly quickly. Early difficulties put many women off so I think it really depends on your attitude.

I always planned on using formula. Glad I did - it was so easy - DH and I shared night feeds and it was lovely to see grandparents giving bottles (DFil gave DS his first bottle - something DFil still remembers). You can go out without DC’s and not worry about DC’s being fed.
There are also so many gadgets now that bottle making and sterilising is so quick and easy.
Your baby will thrive however you feed them - just decide on works best for you.

Best thing to do is to see how it goes. I hated breastfeeding, so all the downsides of ff were nothing in comparison. I have friends that absolutely loved bf , so for them that was the better option.

I loved breastfeeding my babies. Its such an amazing thing to do, and so simple - no faffing with sterilising stuff. Its not always easy to get started, but I’m so glad I carried on and got through the initial phase. And yes, I know not everyone can, and that’s absolutely fine. But it made me happy and closely bonded with my babies.

I found breastfeeding so much easier! There was a period with my first where I did both because he wasn’t latching properly but I was SO glad when we didn’t have all the bottles etc.

I found breastfeeding quite easy and it gave me the freedom to leave the house with my baby, a couple of nappies and some wipes. If plans changed, I didn't have to worry about sterilising, bottles, formula etc. Also, mine were winter babies and I was so pleased I never had to get out of my warm bed to make a bottle in the night.