Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

I can only talk about my experiences, which were brilliant overall – but it took about 6 to 8 weeks to get past the hiccups and into smooth sailing, the first time.

I wonder how much of the lower rates of BFing are due to having to go back to work and pump? I can understand a lot of women not wanting to bother continuing (or not being able to) if they're just going to have to do that.

I think there definitely needs to be much less of an 'all or nothing' attitude, and education about the health benefits needs to be balanced by the reality that what's 'best' demographically may not be what's best for an individual, and everyone should be supported to make well-informed choices.

Nobody should be made to feel guilty about feeding their baby.

Nobody should be bullied.

Most women want to BF, the figures show, iirc, over 80% plan to. It's a crying shame that so few get the support, advice, and help they need to feed their baby in the way that they choose. There's a lot that needs to happen to do that, information, advice, support, but also NHS services, partner, friends, and family support, etc.

The NHS supports BFing because of all the volumes of evidence that show BFing is, longterm and at a population level, the better choice. Of course it is - human milk is tailored to each individual baby, and each individual feed.

FF is also safe and strictly controlled, and will provide babies with the nutrition they need. It's perfectly okay to feed a baby FF.

The language you use here is extreme, and the claims you make are inaccurate.

Good

Nobody is asking for the feeding choices to be told they’re equal. They’re different. But the risks of breast feeding and reality re the benefits to breast feeding which are actually small in the scheme of things needs to be provided better. That and less scaremongering re formula.

The weaning diets and food, screens and exercise rates in toddlers, children and teens have massively bigger outcomes and are worthy of far bigger focus than breast feeding. It’s literally madness the contrast in how much and how the areas are handled in comparison to breast feeding which is tiny as regards outcomes.

It was, certainly as of 2022. I went into the birth knowing about paced feeding and various other aspects of bottle feeding. I took my little bottles of Kendamil with me to hospital knowing my newborn would drink tens of millilitres at a time rather than a whole bottle, and that I’d have to throw most of it away. They also covered what might happen if my milk didn’t come in as a c-section mum.

Funnily enough the breadth and depth of what they taught us actually gave me the confidence to persist with breastfeeding as I felt so well informed.

I think it probably didn't help that I was at least a decade younger than most of them, so didn't really click anyway. I shrugged it off as them perhaps feeling bad and lashing out after trying to BF and not managing to establish it, but now looking back, it really was rather nasty.

And I just can't imagine there are no 'cute tops' that one could BF in! It's a very weird reason...

Oh come on re language

The "reality" behind breastfeeding figures depends heavily on which data you look at. Public health campaigns often use statistically exaggerated claims to heavily pressure mothers.

I mean I thought I looked oK but apparently not!

Advice on the benefits of breast feeding is forced on us as soon as we are pregnant. We are all able to weigh up the pros and cons of both breast feeding and formula.
If someone decides to use formula this should be supported by health care professionals and not ignored.
When I was first pregnant I had no idea how to safely make a bottle. I had plenty of support but the rest of the extended family has breast fed so were non the wiser.
Support in classes was 100% focused on breast feeding and those of us wanting to use formula were ignored and criticised. This is wrong.

I'm not sure what the risks of breastfeeding are as long as your baby is gaining and wetting, and your partner is pulling their weight in other ways so you're very supported? It might not work for everyone, but risks?

If baby isn't thriving, just supplement with formula while trying to up your supply (if you want), surely? I was very keen to BF, but that was what I planned to do if I needed to, 18 years ago.

I was happy to exclusively feed my son. You dont need to mix feed.

I had my dc before 2010. Although there were leaflets etc around breastfeeding is best i wouldn't ever say i felt any pressure from others to bf. The pressure came solely from me, because like I said earlier upthread, I kind of treated having a baby like taking an exam.

In hospital, no one really seemed to care if i bf or not. In actual fact, i was made to feel like an inconvenience for asking for support to get it started. But I needed to get it started, but they wouldn't let me leave until they'd seen the baby feed. There were plenty of voluntary groups to help outside though.

In the outside world, I had women trek me they thought bf was 'weird' and that their boobs were for their husbands. Or that they didn't like the idea of a baby 'hanging off their tit'.I never once commented on someone ff their babies, but choosing to bf appeared to cause a huge reaction in people.

My kids are 18 & 15 now. I BF both of them for 18 months & I can honestly say BF was one of the best things I have ever done for myself.

so much freedom in it & I loved & benefitted from all the oxytocin.

with my first I travelled from dd being 6 weeks old & had all kinds of adventures & freedoms I could never have managed without BF.

There are risks or are we just going to ignore the experience of posters on here and consultants in hospitals. Babies can get dehydrated and malnourished very easily. You aren’t freely encouraged to use formula or even bottles

More than 1 in 10 early infant hospital admissions are for feeding support alone.

Trust me a baby in SCBU from dehydration and malnourishment ( hard to detect in a newborn)with the risks they carry is a whole lot scarier than an ear infection.

And there we go. Some do need to mix feed.

I didn't experience any of the bullying you are referring to.

I'm sorry they your experience was rubbish.

So you don’t ergo nobody does.

I didn't say that? Why are you making stuff up?

What is with the hounding?

Its all a massive conspiracy to force mothers to breastfeed? But why would anyone?

Longterm, Bfing leads to improved health outcomes, so I suppose you could argue the NHS is underhanded trying to improve the nation's health.

Conversely, consider who benefits from FF?

Who's going to stop you using formula at home?

My Plunket nurse just told me you want to see plenty of wet nappies, make sure their soft spot isn't sunken, tears when they cry, and a nice wet mouth, and they're fine. I monitored how wet their nappies were like a fiend for the first weeks, and was always checking their fontanelles!

You don’t need to exclusively breast feed, mixed feed or use formula - you can decide what works best for you. There is no don’t about it.

What's the source of this figure, please?

It's like a BF mother can't say anything on this thread without someone jumping on her. She didn't say you couldn't. She was responding to someone saying combi feeding is a chore.

It's becoming really tiresome. No one is trying to take take away your right to FF on this thread.

Yes there's a far bigger financial reason to discourage women from breastfeeding!

All I can say is that breastfeeding was unusually hard for me for the first three months - I’m still going with my nearly 2yo and it is brilliant, I love it. (Haven’t RTFT!)

I had to feed a few formula bottles early on and the faff/inconvenience was unreal, especially when out and about! Breastfeeding on demand was infinitely easier once established.

Wow OP i bet you wish you never started this thread! I think its great you have an open mind to it all. I also think it's great mums have given you their experiences of BF and FF and shown that they are both great ways of feeding baby. I have to say it's kind of annoying to see some of the opinionated and judgy views on here when you were only asking for advice. I think your plans with combination feeding are fine and it's great that you are thinking of what might work best for you