Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

Haven't read all 36 pages of opinions but for me, watching my FF friends enjoy 6+ hours sleep with their newborns was a killer. They all seemed so much happier and less stressed than the BF mums. Babies were fatter and slept longer. I think there's way too much pressure on mums to breastfeed.
I actually BF both of mine for a year, including expressing so my husband could help out too. I was lucky they both took boob and bottle easily. It was really hard work and I'm glad I did it, but it definitely felt like a lot compared to my FF friends who were making bottles in a machine every 4hrs and had babies who slept through. My two were always catching colds and bugs as babies too, whereas my best friend who FF had a child who was never ill 😁

Haven't read all 36 pages of opinions but for me, watching my FF friends enjoy 6+ hours sleep with their newborns was a killer. They all seemed so much happier and less stressed than the BF mums. Babies were fatter and slept longer. I think there's way too much pressure on mums to breastfeed.
I actually BF both of mine for a year, including expressing so my husband could help out too. I was lucky they both took boob and bottle easily. It was really hard work and I'm glad I did it, but it definitely felt like a lot compared to my FF friends who were making bottles in a machine every 4hrs and had babies who slept through. My two were always catching colds and bugs as babies too, whereas my best friend who FF had a child who was never ill 😁

The issue with mindset is if you go into BF with just one doubt, you're chances of being successful are much lower. You have to be determined to get through those first few difficult weeks learning how to do it. For you and baby it is a new skill. For some it is easy, for many it isn't.

You have to be determined to keep going, understand that it is tough, time-consuming, exhausting, etc. in the short term. Know where to seek support, then seek out that support. It doesn't come to you unless you ask for it.

But the long term benefits are better mental health, longer/better sleep, easier leaving the house, improved health for baby AND you over both your lifetimes, and so on.

I breastfed all 3 of mine because it was easier and freeing. No worry or bottles sterilising taking them or finding whatever we needed when we went out because there I was. Husband still hands on took them out without me. Just made sure they were topped up before they went.

We got far more sleep because it was quick and easy to whip a boob out.

YABU for trying to frame this is a blanket generality of happiness vs. unhappiness. Quite ridiculous. But you know this.

I don’t disagree, except that, as my own experience proves, it’s perfectly possible to go into BF without one doubt in your mind that it’s going to be possible, have done all the reading and taken a special BF class, seek out literally every source of available advice from La Leche League, midwife, HV, GP, paid lactation consultant, and fully commit to it, pumping and using a supplemental nursing system to try to increase supply— and for it still not to work. I never developed a supply beyond a trickle. No one was ever able to explain. Trying and failing, and some enormously cruel remarks from total strangers, ruined my first three months of motherhood. I should have switched to formula after a few days.

I have done both found breast feeding hard at first then very easy and convenient. 1st Ds entirely breastfed, 2nd DD breast and breast milk in a bottle. 2nd DS breast fed then bottle fed with formula. Washing bottles totally got my goat sterilising etc. Do what you want to. Maybe try to give baby breast fed start but either way as a Mum you are going to feel guilty/made to feel guilty so whatever works for you.

Can I ask if either of you were looked at in terms of IGT / Insufficient glandular tissue? I also had a v limited supply and tried everything. Finally found a LC to diagnose me prior to baby 2. I dont think its talked about enough and its very real. Everyone says 'oh its a tiny minority who cant bf' but there are at least 3 of us on this thread! If my hospital had spotted it it would have saved me and baby a lot of heart ache. I did manage to partially feed my second but it was a drug assisted triple feeding nightmare.

Im sorry this happened to you, me too. If you are looking for answers Google insufficient glandular tissue. It might help... it might not ! But it was a relief for me to have an answer x

I was happier when I switched from breastfeeding, but I had some issues.
I didn't produce a lot of milk, and could see that from pumping into bottles. But the HV kept telling me that I would produce enough milk for my baby and should stick with it. It was only when I had my second that they looked into it - not only do one of my meds reportedly inhibit milk production, but it also can pass the meds through to baby and can cause liver issues, I think it was. So with second I didn't BF at all.
This was in 2010 though, information might have been easier for me to get hold of now.
BF also kicked something off in me. My mood dropped through the floor while feeding, I felt so awful, and it was so painful I would bite on my arm to relieve the pain. Subsequently I've been diagnosed with ADHD and PMDD.
If I could have BF I would, but I wasn't prepared for all the problems it brought.

Not being able to pump isn’t necessarily an indicator of low supply though. Some people just can’t.

i had an abundant supply, but pumping, nope. Nothing came out. I hated it so just stopped.

what I did have was a brilliant HV - male at that- who walked me through what to look for. Not just weight gain, which can be unreliable in the early days. A big wee, uncalibrated scales, and you’ve got weight loss… no he explained the clinical signs to look for- Dry skin, eyes, lethargy, those very early signs of dehydration, milestones, muscle tone etc.

a lot of bf is learning to know your baby, what’s normal, what’s healthy. Feeding all the time doesn’t necessarily mean no milk, it could be a growth spurt and they need to increase supply. I had many people offering “advice” and questioning my supply- feeding again? How do you know they’re getting enough? Not sleeping through? Maybe they aren’t getting enough. Why don’t you try formula, then you’ll know they’ve had enough.

i got so many mixed messages and bad information I am thankful for that HV who kept me reassured my baby was healthy, and taught me to look at the whole picture. like in the quoted example where the lack of pumping in combination with the meds and other factors should have indicated an issue. Looking at one thing alone is often misleading.

Absolutely, and I'm so glad you got that quality of support. I wish every mother had access to it.

Re the pp who had a meds interaction - for anyone seeking information on meds/breastmilk interactions, this is a fantastic resource:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK501922/

I disagree with the promotion of mixed feeding.

it doesn’t always work, and can mean the end of breast feeding.

once you start introducing formula alongside bf, you affect supply. Especially if those bottles are given at night, when bf stimulates the milk producing hormones. It’s not uncommon for the night feeds to be the ones replaced, so the sleep disruption can be shared.

most women I have known who mixed fed ended up ff within a relatively short period, myself included. Fewer feeds mean less milk production, so you naturally fall into a situation where you give more formula as you produce less. As the baby grows it’s almost impossible to increase supply to match.

add to that many babies quickly learn to prefer bottles as it’s easier and there’s no having to work to increase supply.

again, information is key. If you want to mix feed great, but be aware that it may not work, and you will end up FF.

Also there is a “drugs in breastmilk” specialised pharmacist service based in Nottingham, who can give expert advice.

Also, I can’t find the post to quote now but the pp who said about not understanding not attempting to bf when the science says breast is best.

people offer anecdotes about asthma and feeding methods, but that doesn’t get away from the epidemiological studies that show breastfeeding is optimal.

having said that, if a woman makes an informed decision, it’s her body and her baby.

if she reads the information, and then decides that in her case the choice to FF outweighs the possible benefits, then that is her decision and it should be respected.

if someone says yes I understand the benefits, but I still don’t want to, for whatever reason, that is a completely valid choice they are making for themselves and their baby.

we all make decisions for our children based on our own situations. This is no different.

I agree.

I have several reasons why I didn't breastfeed which are ultimately irrelevant because bodily autonomy is important and that doesn't stop just because a woman is now a mother.

I will, thanks. It sounds exaggerated and self-dramatising to say so, now that DS is a gorgeous, difficult teenager, but it was the most utterly miserable experience, and a minority of people were so utterly foul about formula, that it really had a negative impact on me, and took years to get over.

Also, how did you finally get a diagnosis? Everyone just seemed puzzled by me.

An excellent IBCLC. She could tell straight away- there's a particular look to igt breasts and I have a classic case. She confirmed i would never have a full supply and it was such a relief to hear it was nothing I did or didn't do. But if I hadnt used formula on baby one we would have been in real trouble. Together we worked on a plan for baby 2 with herbs, drugs, supplemental feeder etc and I managed the grand total of 4 ounces over a 24 hour period. I also expressed collustrum. I kept that up for 12 weeks and then hung up my faulty boobs. There was much more info on US sites about IGT. I later took part in a study but I still have no clue what happened and all of my female relatives bf.

No one gave me grief for using formula btw but what did hurt was (maybe well meaning) comments like 'just do more skin to skin' or 'eat some oats'. There isn't enough porridge in the world!

This is dangerous advice. My baby was seriously ill by day five and readmitted to hospital. She only narrowly avoided brain damage or even death.

The formula supplementation should have been started several days earlier. But HCPs are so anti-formula they don’t give good advice.

Ideally a risk assessment antenatally and then repeated after the birth, looking at the birth and my medical conditions would have identified I was highly unlikely to be able to EBF and we could have prepared to use formula.

What is? Otterly didnt give you any advice.

I’ve looked into training as a peer supporter. I wanted to help support combi-feeding as I’d had no support to do that. I BF for more than three years so was eligible for the training from the ABM.

The trouble is, they only accept women who’ve BF, and you have to sign up to a load of stuff about the importance of BFing, which wasn’t balanced information, it was very anti-formula.

And the people who sign up to be peer supporters tend to be very committed to BFing, so they push that on people. The one at the support group I went to was hopeless, wouldn’t talk about formula at all.

The risk is huge, it can cause brain damage or death. Yes, it can be managed by formula supplementation but only if you’re supported to do that.

And you can’t prepare to supplement if no one has mentioned the dangers of milk being delayed coming in or know that it’s a possibility.

Milk taking longer than five days to come in being a sign of supplementation needed. The OP is pregnant and needs accurate information.

It’s dangerous, by day five is several days too late, the supplementation should have been from at least day three, preferably day two.