Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

Sadly the title of the thread itself was pretty judgy so it was unlikely to work well.

Yes, but if a mum wants to BF this needs to be established in first few weeks.

Introducing a bottle too soon can make BFing harder.

Its a good idea to look for support and reliable info beforehand. NHS and WHO have good evidence based advice. Local baby groups are also a great source of support.

To get back to the OP.

Some stats and data on BF and mental health:

Unicef:

https://www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/news-and-research/baby-friendly-research/maternal-health-research/maternal-health-research-mental-health/

Various aspects looked at there, some of the studies are small.

But basically:

'Exclusively breastfeeding women are not more likely to suffer from postpartum depression, and different pathways may predict development of postpartum depression symptoms in exclusively breastfeeding and exclusively formula feeding women.'

TL;DR: The evidence suggests that there isn't a simple correlation between feeding choice and maternal mental wellbeing.

Women's health services are crucially important and should be properly funded!

@JustAQuestion12

it’s a pretty basic bodily autonomy thing though to be able to wear whatever clothing you want and not have it all yanked and pulled out of shape!

I don’t think there is anything wrong with someone being proud of breastfeeding. It is an amazing feat and does require some ‘sacrifices’ as demonstrated on this thread - you can’t share the load with your partner as much, you can’t wear ‘cute and expensive’ clothes, you potentially can’t leave them as often, you need to be more mindful of alcohol consumption etc.I use the term sacrifices in inverted commas as for me, it doesn’t really feel like a sacrifice - I am happy to do it. I acknowledge there is luck involved but it’s also okay to be proud of it. I am very proud of my breastfeeding experience - I struggled for years to conceive, had a really difficult pregnancy and a critically ill baby in hospital for weeks - it has felt like the only thing my body has been able to do right and I am so proud of myself and proud of my baby too.

People are proud of all sorts of things that require elements of luck and circumstances being in their favour eg job promotions, running marathons, giving birth etc.But the luck doesn’t take away from the effort that went into it too! And for what it’s worth, I think you should be proud of the things you listed :)

I don't remember having any clothes pulled out of shape?

I just don't understand the constant nit picking here.

Im glad I didn't spend my babies' early months worrying about my top. I don't speak for anyone else.

https://www.nhs.uk/baby/breastfeeding-and-bottle-feeding/breastfeeding-and-lifestyle/alcohol/

'The Royal College of Midwives recommends that for the safest approach, you should avoid alcohol completely when breastfeeding. But an occasional drink is unlikely to harm your baby especially if you wait at least 2 hours after having a drink before feeding.'

Mothering does involve a certain amount of relinquishing bodily autonomy, though. I mean you could say your whole self is 'pulled out of shape' by pregnancy!

(While we're on the subject, breast shape is affected by pregnancy, not feeding choice.)

breastcancernow.org/about-breast-cancer/breast-lumps-and-benign-not-cancer-breast-conditions/breast-changes-during-or-after-pregnancy

I found BF very easy and enjoyable. Have kept going til nearly 2 when she stopped of her own afford. I know plenty of Bf mums who are very happy but equally plenty of Ff mums also happy. It’s more about the temperament of the baby than how theyre fed. You can’t predict that! Yes jt can be trickier to leave a baby with someone else if BF but honestly you might find it hard to leave them anyway. I found Bf easier as no prep or cleaning(I never pumped). Could just do wherever and whenever inclu on holiday,

Yeah and based on seeing 1 friend.

You don't like being judged and I don't like people ignoring scientific evidence. We're both going to have to live with it. I'm sure we'll cope.

Absolutely! Sometimes I feel like BFing mums are expected to be almost apologetic about their own experiences, or they're considered smug and judgemental. But you have so much to be proud of – and so does the pp as you say, in a different way. Everyone has a different experience, so will have different reasons to feel proud of themselves.

We were crawling around the stables putting all sorts in our mouths etc., I'm sure an unsterilised toy was the least of our issues - however, we were never sickly children 😁

Going back to work was a big reason why I didn't breastfeed in the first place. I went back at 12 weeks and going straight to formula seemed like the logical option.

I combi fed from day 1 and it was fantastic, had that lovely bond with my baby, he was getting breast milk but I was still able to lean on DH and family to do feeds. I didn’t pump and I’m really pleased with my choice, it meant that I was able to breastfeed until 18 months and if I’d have exclusively breastfed I don’t think I’d have been able to do it long term due to the physical and mental toll. Everyone should do whatever they feel most comfortable with but I’d always encourage anyone to at least give breastfeeding a try.

Surely everyone is proud of raising happy healthy babies regardless of the method of feeding ?

That is LITERALLY what she said.

But you can't be ok with breastfeeding mothers being proud of breastfeeding can you?

No one is denigrating you.

Where did I say breast feeding mothers can’t be proud - as proud as I am in raising formula fed babies.
It’s only on Mn anyone is in the least bit interested. In real life we only care about the decisions we make for our own family

The irony...

Anyway. Have a good day.

Absolutely
I'm not going to pretend that BF and FF are the same nutritionally, because they are not. I'm very proud of myself that I made some sacrifices to give my children the best start in life. They were not difficult to make anyway.

Couldn't give a monkeys what anybody else does with their babies.

I can understand that. The idea of trying to navigate the return to work and expressing milk at 12 weeks, when everything is still very new? I can't imagine doing it, myself.

As pp said, that's exactly what I said, so I'm confused by this question.

But as someone who breastfed until my babies were well into toddlerhood, when it comes to being a mum and what my body did as part of that, I'm proud that I was capable of nourishing them, and that I stuck at it through the rough patches. It did, and does, make me very happy that I was able to do that, and did (relevant to the OP of this thread).

I bf'd my DC for 3.5 years and just under 5 years respectively. I would never ever have coped with having to prepare bottles. If I had to get put of bed during night waking, I couldn't get back to sleep but if I just did a nappy change and fed in bed (we coslept), I'd conk out again straight away. Being able to offer comfort feeds to a hurt / upset toddler was a huge win and gave me real confidence in parenting. When both DC stopped breastfeeding, their behaviour and sleep went immediately downhill and they became constipated. With my eldest, it took 5 years or so to fix that problem.

Feeding was hard at first with DC1 but we later found out he had tongue & lip ties. The hospital told me DC2 didn't have a tongue tie but I'd done my research, knew they were wrong and sought more specialist advice. The NHS cut it but feeding was still painful. We went to a private dentist who specialised in it and had his lip tie cut at 6 weeks. That improved things but I knew they still weren't quite right. We took him to a cranial osteopath and from that point on, feeding was fine. If I hadn't been able to inform myself about that, my experience of feeding might have been very different.

I EBF both my children. Why pay for something you can get for free and is far superior in quality to the alternative. The mixing of feeds, sterilising bottles - no thanks.

Perfect milk at exactly the right temperature on tap 24/7.