“Stop trying to force conversation” - right to be upset?

[leahfz]

DH and me have had lots of issues over the last few months, slowly working through them. There’s been money issues, trust issues and just a lot of drama. I’ve swallowed my feelings and tried to make it work because he can never see my point of view.

Today we had a rare day of doing nothing. DH wanted to play a video game and I spent the day doing artwork. I asked if he wanted to watch a film at 5pm (after we’ve been doing our own thing for 8 hours), he said he would in a bit. At 6pm I asked again and he said I’ll come down at 7pm.

I was asking if he wanted anything to eat and then I remembered he had told me he was going to on a hike tomorrow. I asked him if he had asked his friend if he was giving him a lift. He said “yeah” and I asked where they were going. He said “I don’t know”. Then “why are you trying to force conversation?”

I left it there and made dinner and he came in asking why I was moody. I said I didn’t want to talk to him and he clearly didn’t want to talk to me. He said I should have told him I wasn’t forcing conversation? That it wasn’t a big deal and I’m ruining the day.

I said I felt like anything I said was annoying and he said that’s your own interpretation.

basically I just need to move past it and talk as normal?

Am I being u?

How long have you been together? Is this what you want from a relationship? Someone who can’t be arsed to interact with you, is rude to you, and then tells you you’re being oversensitive when you let him know his rudeness was hurtful?

He sounds like a dead loss.

Do you have any other magical skills apart from being a mindreader? Like, can you make him disappear?

He’s treating you with contempt.

Married 1 year, together 3 years.

I’ve told him to go back to his game and he’s said I’m causing another argument

money issues, trust issues and just a lot of drama
Does the relationship enhance your life enough to keep doing this drudgery? It's meant to be fun, enjoyable.

Money problems, trust problems, drama and being spoken to with contempt would ruin anyone's mental health.

Jesus, any contempt in a relationship is too much. And for him to behave like this so early into a relationship is a massive red flag.

Just don’t entertain anything he says. He’s being an absolute shit. You’ve not been together long, cut your losses.

3 years and it’s already this bad?! Give up and move on. Life is too short to be miserable.

Is the comment bad? I am admittedly over sensitive and take things to heart, but this really hurt me. I feel it’s no win either way - talk and feel like a burden, or don’t talk and get accused of creating an argument

am I just not cut out for marriage? 😭

You shouldn’t be having money and trust issues just one year into marriage let alone anything else

In 20 years of marriage my DH hasn’t spoken to me like that, 3 years in you should still be in your honeymoon phase! Would you treat a friend like that? I wouldn’t even talk to someone I don’t like like that.

You're probably not sensitive, that's just his interpretation. His comment was horrible and then he turned it around to make you the bad guy. He is not a good person.

Why are you taking on the blame? 'I'm over-sensitive', 'not cut out for marriage' etc.

He is rude, disinterested and contemptuous of you. After only 1 year of marriage, this bodes terribly for your future. I would be telling him if he wants to be an arsehole then he can do it somewhere else, this is not what you signed up for.

I think you are not cut out for being married to a jerk.

I agree with the PPs, he sounds like an absolute arse. You haven't been together that long, time to cut your losses.

Agree.
This post is very sad to read.
He will only get worse.
Sorry x

Your arsehole of a husband regrets marrying you.

Call it a starter marriage and cut your losses now. My exDH's behaviour did a 180 in the first year of marriage. I wish I had run then because it just got so much worse.

I’ve swallowed my feelings and tried to make it work because he can never see my point of view

He's not going to. You are in the wrong no matter what. Make this the last straw that gets you out of a really unfair and unpleasant set up. Do you rent or have a mortgage? Where can you go for some peace and to plan moving on?

Horrible man. Just make dinner for yourself and don't speak.
I couldn't stand to be with an obnoxious person like him.

Have you got anything in common with someone who spends the day video gaming? I wouldn’t have.

What was he doing whilst you were asking these questions?

If I was eating, playing a video game or watching a film etc then I might be a bit annoyed that you were trying to make conversation at that particular time.

If he wasn't doing anything that required conversation then I would be annoyed that he couldn't have just a normal conversation.

Was he gaming while you were trying to ask the questions. As my dh would have been a bit short as he is engrossed.

Hmmm...
Doesn't sound great but if we play devil's advocate for a minute....was he trying to play the video game when you were asking about the hike? If it's a "rare" day of doing nothing, did he just want to carry on chilling by himself? Both these things are fine but he needed to communicate in a clear and polite way.
And then you got in a mood, which is understandable, but again it would have been better to communicate more clearly. "I'm just trying to make conversation, we've been doing our own thing for 8 hours now. The way you're speaking to me sounds like you don't want me to talk to you. Is that right?" Clarify/call him out on it at the time.
But I agree with PP, if you're having all these major problems - money and trust are huge - it's not looking good. And neither is swallowing your feelings because he can never see your point of view. 🚩 🚩

It's the sort of comment my 14 year old would make if he was completely out of sorts (ie in a teenage sulk)