“Stop trying to force conversation” - right to be upset?

[leahfz]

DH and me have had lots of issues over the last few months, slowly working through them. There’s been money issues, trust issues and just a lot of drama. I’ve swallowed my feelings and tried to make it work because he can never see my point of view.

Today we had a rare day of doing nothing. DH wanted to play a video game and I spent the day doing artwork. I asked if he wanted to watch a film at 5pm (after we’ve been doing our own thing for 8 hours), he said he would in a bit. At 6pm I asked again and he said I’ll come down at 7pm.

I was asking if he wanted anything to eat and then I remembered he had told me he was going to on a hike tomorrow. I asked him if he had asked his friend if he was giving him a lift. He said “yeah” and I asked where they were going. He said “I don’t know”. Then “why are you trying to force conversation?”

I left it there and made dinner and he came in asking why I was moody. I said I didn’t want to talk to him and he clearly didn’t want to talk to me. He said I should have told him I wasn’t forcing conversation? That it wasn’t a big deal and I’m ruining the day.

I said I felt like anything I said was annoying and he said that’s your own interpretation.

basically I just need to move past it and talk as normal?

Am I being u?

He was standing in the kitchen with me, not on the game

Agreed. Cut your losses. He's trying to make you end it - you may as well sooner rather than later.

@leahfzi’m so sorry he makes you feel this way. It’s not normal but I live with one just the same. I’m withdrawing as emotionally drained but I’m 25 years in. Get out whilst you can please!

It's a sad and disrespectful comment yoi are not over reacting.

Ultimately a marriage has to be based on a deep friendship if its to last.

You have done nothing wrong op. Do not doubt yourself. But I think sadly you need to start some serious talks or counselling with eith him if its to work

He’s a dickhead. For the love of all that’s holy do not have kids with him unless he proves he can frame up.

I’d assumed you’d been together a couple of decades… You’ve had a lot of troubles in just 3 years including trust!. It’s too soon for all this drama but it’s not too late to consider getting out of the relationship before you bring any children into it.

Never heard that phrase before, but absolutely love it

No

1. He's an arse for not watching the movie or reaching out
2. Asking for clarification isn't nagging
3. You're making yourself smaller "swallowing feelings"

Put up/shut up
Need peace/you're needy
It isn't narcissistic to want company, conversation or intimacy.

You're in an anxious/avoidant dynamic (apart from you weren't even being anxious, given you'd both done your own thing for 8 hours).

You deserve better 💐

Three years?
Jesus.

Like a pp, I'd thought 20+
Three years?

Please, do yourself a favour and get out now and do not, NOT, contemplate children with this man.

I know LTB is the go to on here, but I repeat:
You can do better.

Ignore the 🚩 at your peril!

🍰☕ Hugs

If it's this bad after a year of marriage it's not going to get any better.

Cut your losses OP and stop blaming yourself for his appalling attitude

He's a selfish dickhead.

He's checked out of the marriage. You say there's been other issues, so maybe you need to reconsider your options now.

What's the trust issues been about? Doesn't sound great

He sounds like an utter arse so I doubt you’re just being too sensitive. It doesn’t really matter though, because no one should spend their life with someone who can never see their point of view. Even if he’s a lovely guy, this makes you totally incompatible as a couple.

I think he's the one not cut out for marriage, not you!

If this is how your life usually is, then I'd tell him to sling his hook.

I honestly thought with all the problems you were going to say you had been together for 30 years or so. Honestly, I cannot see why he is worth sticking around for? What age are you? (Not that it really matters!). But move on, cut this loser out. LTB!

did you self diagnose ‘over sensitive’
did someone else diagnose you as ‘over sensitive’

see the difference

What an absolute prick he sounds. What are the other issues? I’m thinking this is just a symptom of his overall disrespect towards you. You sound ground down already. I’m sorry you have to tolerate this.

It's the weekend, you have both ' done your own thing ' today
and tomorrow he is going out on a hike

Don't you spend any time together at weekends.

'DH and me have had lots of issues over the last few months, slowly working through them. There’s been money issues, trust issues and just a lot of drama.'

last few months - you've only been married 12 months !

Do you really want to continue being married to him - it may not get better

do you think / believe he wants to continue being married to you...

Seems like he is DARVO-ing to me. Might be useful to update this thread when he does it again. Work out the pattern.

There’s been money issues, trust issues and just a lot of drama. I’ve swallowed my feelings and tried to make it work because he can never see my point of view.

If your DH can never see your point of view, it’s hard to see how things can move forward positively as there’s no chance he’ll ever meet your needs or will ever see himself as having any kind of responsibility or accountability in the marriage. It’s a partnership and both people have to do some heavy lifting or it’s impossible for it to work. You can’t just swallow everything down indefinitely, that’s no way to live. And you can’t shoulder the responsibility for all that is happening in the relationship, you are making yourself smaller and smaller and deserve much much more. If it feels hard to leave, it might be useful to figure things out for yourself by speaking to a therapist. Couples can get through tough times but if there is no communication, care, respect or willingness by both sides to try and meet their partner, a successful outcome seems unlikely. Take care.

I’ve swallowed my feelings and tried to make it work because he can never see my point of view.

Today’s issue isn’t the problem.
The above is.
This is not a marriage or partnership. It’s a relationship where it’s his way or the highway. Where it’s ok to tell you you just misinterpret stuff just because. And make you the bad guy. Again??

After only 3 years together, it doesn’t bode well for the future

Youre not trying fir a child are you?

Otherwise, my advice would be counselling FOR YOU.
You need to learn to respect yourself. And to put boundaries youll actually follow up on. To know what you are and aren’t happy to accept.

I’d chalk this one up to experience, divorce and move on with my life.

No !! Obviously he isn’t. What a complete waste of a human existence he is. Just walk away. You can do better.

You cannot win with people like this. Talk and you are forcing conversation, don't talk and you are trying to cause an argument?

Fuck me, what a complete waste of time. Get this ended and move on.

This really isn't on you OP. There was no need for him to speak to you that way. It's rude anyway. Who the he'll does he think he is? I'd look at his behaviour towards you in general and seriously consider your future options. Life is too short to put up with that shit.