“Stop trying to force conversation” - right to be upset?

[leahfz]

DH and me have had lots of issues over the last few months, slowly working through them. There’s been money issues, trust issues and just a lot of drama. I’ve swallowed my feelings and tried to make it work because he can never see my point of view.

Today we had a rare day of doing nothing. DH wanted to play a video game and I spent the day doing artwork. I asked if he wanted to watch a film at 5pm (after we’ve been doing our own thing for 8 hours), he said he would in a bit. At 6pm I asked again and he said I’ll come down at 7pm.

I was asking if he wanted anything to eat and then I remembered he had told me he was going to on a hike tomorrow. I asked him if he had asked his friend if he was giving him a lift. He said “yeah” and I asked where they were going. He said “I don’t know”. Then “why are you trying to force conversation?”

I left it there and made dinner and he came in asking why I was moody. I said I didn’t want to talk to him and he clearly didn’t want to talk to me. He said I should have told him I wasn’t forcing conversation? That it wasn’t a big deal and I’m ruining the day.

I said I felt like anything I said was annoying and he said that’s your own interpretation.

basically I just need to move past it and talk as normal?

Am I being u?

Does he actually want to spend any time with you? HE’S the one not cut out to be married.
He’s a rude and contemptuous housemate, not a husband.
Get rid of him pronto and realise your worth.

He’s not cut out for marriage.

Stop assuming it is you that is the problem. It really shouldn't be this hard in a relationship of this length. You should be having fun together and setting up your home. How long are you prepared to live like this? Life is short!

He isnt cut out for marriage Im afraid.

A year in? Great time to file for divorce.

HE ISNT CUT OUT TO BE A DECENT DH.

It really isn't you.

You’ve only been married a year and you’ve been having a rocky few months?

Would you be happy to tolerate this behaviour from him for another 40 years?

I think that you either fix how you both communicate or end the marriage. Given the issues you've had in the first 12 months, I'd seriously consider the latter.

I would presume there is fault on both sides

One year married?
You have made a huge mistake.
He is a rude, dismissive arse.
And a gamer🙄.
Don't waste your precious life on this loser.

I thought you were going to say you’d been together 30 years or something 🫣

Dump him and find a man who actually likes you.

I'd say it's the person your married too that is the problem. If you was together only 2 years before you married it's not a lot of time to get to know someone properly.

I am guessing he proposed quite early on too.

you weren’t forcing conversation you were talking to your dh. He was rude and then instead of apologising he doubled down and has a go at you for being upset and blames you for ruining the night!
you need to toughen up and tell him to pack it in being sucha jerk. I’d also seriously consider if this relationship is worth it

He doesnt like you very much, does he.

You both had a free day and he wanted to avoid you for 10 hours? I agree with pp, there's a lot of contempt there. A relationship shouldn't have this many issues just 3 years in. I don't think it's going to work, sorry.

He’s being an awkward cuss!
What exactly are YOU getting from this marriage?
To clarify you’re just not cut out for marriage to a selfish twat! You’re probably cut out for marriage to a reasonable man.

Those first few years of marriage should be the happiest! It’s sad that you’re already working through issues! Was he like this before you married?

You've not been together that long relatively speaking. Your relationship shouldn't be that difficult this early on. The mention of money is a huge red flag.

Step back and don't buy into the sink cost fallacy. Value yourself and consider your future life and what it's going to look like.

Is being in a long term relationship " meant to be fun?" all the time ? Is this realistic for fully formed adults eg: beyond your early '20s ? Life isn't all hearts and flowers, in adulthood and certainly parenthood it is about pulling together, compromise and teamwork. To be fair I am not getting a huge sense of those qualities here either.

I'm guessing you don't have DC? If that is the case, cut your losses before you get a few years further down the line and end up with DC with this terrible specimen.

If you do have DC then I would personally be preparing quietly and carefully to build a life without him.

Either way things are very unlikely going to get better.

I've been married twenty years and yeah, it's easy, he makes me laugh. Obviously by 'fun' I don't mean screaming on waltzers but enjoyable- of course. That's the whole point.
We are childfree, which helps 😊

I too assumed you were going to say you had been married for a couple of decades.

I’ve been married for twenty five years, my husband has never spoken to me like that. He’s going to do his hobby this morning and this afternoon he’s going to cook with our daughter so he made sure that yesterday we spent most of the day together. For me, that’s what a marriage should be. You should treat the person you are married to better than anyone else, not worse. And you should definitely want to spend time with them. Otherwise what’s the point?

Sorry but I couldn’t live like this, life is too short. If you’re disagreeing and not getting on now then it’s not going to get better. Get out of this and be happy.

Of course it’s meant to be fun!! Playful, flirty, lots of laughs at any age. Doing fun things together. It’s not an endurance course or a business arrangement!

Are you really 'working through' your issues or are you sweeping them under the carpet, swallowing them, learning to live with them, being told by him that you've 'dealt with them'?

Because it does sound as though he's controlling the narrative of your marriage and it really should not be this hard, not after three years. I also don't think it's you, OP, I think it's him that's not suited to marriage.

I’m so saddened by the misery so many women put up with.