AIBU to be angry that my husband is unconcerned about women’s safety?

[Peedoffdoesntcutit]

To be pissed off with my husband. I said how upset I am that the child abuse and rape leaflet from the government is judged as necessary and we are continuing to let these men into our country who pose a threat to women. He just shrugged - I said doesn’t it bother you these men are coming into our society. We have daughters , I am a woman. I absolutely do not feel safe anymore where we live and would not walk on my own anymore. He said no not really. Absolutely furious with him. Does he not have to care as he’s a big tall man? I’m so pissed off, I’ve walked off and he’s given me the ick.

Oooh there it is. You and your elitist libertarian views determining that anyone that disagrees with your politics are thick as shit. Very progressive of you 👌

Im convinced that you (and others) must be trolls. For anyone dumb enough to buy into these posts, I’ll just say that it’s ranked as the 2nd most dangerous place to be a woman, followed by Syria and Somalia.

Yeah, there’s a couple of states who need to sort their laws out California already on it

In Afghanistan about 50,000 girls under the age of 15 will be married off per year

In Mississippi, which is one of the states that strangely refusing to change the law, it was 10 last yeah apparently

Because Americans don’t really have a culture that allows this… 50,000 versus 10.

Not “safe”, but statistically (and quite obviously) “safer”

Until they start raping men, nothing will change.

And really, it is the men in Canary Wharf and the Home Counties really.

Everyone else is irrelevant.

Agree with this. Never mind not my Nigel, now it's not my Mohammed

Behave yourself. It isn't about having different views. I don't exist in an echo chamber, and welcome informed debate and challenge.

But this is neither of those things, as you well know. In this country, women are predominantly at risk of men they know and trust, work with, date etc.

Oh golly you’ve really got to me here. I have always been quite the academic and not described as ‘thick as shit’- quite the opposite - I write medical research papers and am a doctor.

To be thick as shit as you say would be to be ignorant, ill informed and uneducated on this topic , for which I am not. I am a huge supporter and activist of women’s rights and I myself am black and from an Islamic country. I have seen first hand the abuse women get in these Middle Eastern countries and how women are treated by men and moved over here legally. The culture and laws do not protect women and are very different to the UK. (Though for some reason women on this thread have bizarrely argued that’s not the case).

I think your offensive suggesting sensational headlines when the 86 year old man who was raped outside a church, the lady raped by 2 men yesterday in a park would not want what has happened to them minimised.

Ah so you’re saying we can only be afraid of these men below that you talk of and we can only perceive these men as a threat?

“But this is neither of those things, as you well know. In this country, women are predominantly at risk of men they know and trust, work with, date etc.”

But under your rules we can’t perceive random strangers with different cultures who need leaflets to tell them how to behave lawfully as a threat? When did you get to decide who people can and can’t perceive as threats?

First of all, punishments do not deter crime, nor does increasing the severity of the penalty.

Your experience is simply your experience. In my first hand experience of living in Britain and having British family members, I would consider rape and sexual assault to be rare. But that’s not the reality, with 1 in 4 women in the UK having experienced rape or sexual assault.

Afghanistan is considered to be the most dangerous country in the world for women. Afghan migrants are more likely to be charged with and/or convicted of, sexual offences and violence. There are clearly not “very few” rapes in Afghanistan.

Why?

@Peedoffdoesntcutit “ I am a huge supporter and activist of women’s rights and I myself am black and from an Islamic country. I have seen first hand the abuse women get in these Middle Eastern countries and how women are treated by men and moved over here legally. The culture and laws do not protect women and are very different to the UK. (Though for some reason women on this thread have bizarrely argued that’s not the case).”

I think a lot of women who moved to the UK are feeling very let down because they wanted a better life, fought for that, brought great things here - and now the worst problems they escaped are coming here

oh, but you very much ARE existing in an echo chamber. You didn’t welcome any debate or challenge. Your comment was dismissive and reductive.

This thread is actually full of data that presents a clear case for OP’s concerns but instead, you’ve resorted to an argument which boils down to ‘the majority of men in the UK are British’ which is ironically, one of the silliest, most irrelevant arguments possible in this debate.

We don’t encounter sharks very often, but if we filled our waters with them ………

I’m sorry but ‘we have a safe culture for women’ is one of the most delusional things I’ve read in a while

So put up with the British rape because the Indian rape is worse?

You wanted to have a tantrum so you had one, your husband is entitled to his opinion and one of the worst things society is trying to do is control others thinking so congratulations you have added to that

No

It’s try to address the problems we already have instead of making them worse

But you know this…

It’s wild how stupid people are. How about, stop rape in Britain, which will be helped by not importing people who culturally think it’s okay to rape. You’ve basically answered your own question! Congrats!

There's something quite strange about your writing style op. Is human English not your first language?

I agree there needs to be a sensible rational conversation about this. I would like to see Andy Burnham stop dishing out free bus fares like we are two year olds he needs to placate and start addressing real thorny issues.

But

It was never safe for women to go out to night clubs on their own. That world never existed. I loved to dance but knew that going out as a young woman meant almost inevitably being groped and preyed on by much older men

And we might not have a culture of such overt rape and violence against women but it's triggered me that a purported health professional is acting like this is not a leaflet that could do with being sent to every middle class British man. The outward veneer of respectability runs pretty thin. My rapist was the kind of "lovely guy" everyone thinks wouldn't hurt a fly.

So yeah, we need a conversation about the criminality pouring into our country at the moment. But they are so far from the only risk to women.

This thread is, at best, completely batshit and, at worst, plainly offensive to women.
OP: “I’m upset that my husband was so dismissive about the fact that we’re having to hand out guides telling people not to rape or attack women and children.”
Posters: “How dare you be scared? We already have rapists here. You can’t be concerned about other rapists when we have our own.”
OP: “Yes, I can be scared of both. And I think it’s perfectly reasonable to question whether it makes sense to welcome men from cultures where violence and the treatment of women can be a serious issue.”
Posters: “You’re racist.”
OP: “No. I don’t care what colour someone’s skin is. I don’t like men who attack women, and I’m scared of men who do.”
Posters: “You’re thick as shit.”
OP: “No, I’m not. I have personal experience of living in an Islamic country and have witnessed some of these attitudes first-hand. I also have knowledge of the subject beyond a headline.”
Posters: “You’re just reading sensationalist newspapers.”
OP: “No. I’m referring to reporting from established newspapers, including the Telegraph. The information has been reported, fact-checked and is part of the evidence I’ve used to form my opinion.”
So apparently the acceptable position is: you can acknowledge violence against women, provided you don’t acknowledge anything that might make people uncomfortable about where that violence comes from.
And if you do? You’re racist, stupid, hysterical or apparently all three.
That isn’t a debate. It’s just shutting down a woman for saying she is frightened by violence against women and children

Ironically, ‘controlling people’s thinking’ is one of the things the leaflet has to address with asylum seekers. It literally has to explain that women don’t need permission from men to make decisions in the UK - I wonder if you’ll still stand by your ‘one of the worst things in the world’ statement, now you know that it’s something that a huge proportion of asylum seekers think is okay?

The telegraph is just the daily mail with a few three syllable words and the odd picture of a horsey woman in a wax cotton jacket thrown in. It's just churning out reactionary froth.

I think we do have a serious problem with not vetting immigrants and it's sobering to see how many criminal cases near us are violent crimes but recent immigrants. But I think it needs government action to address it not racist agitation . I don't want to lose or distress all the amazing law abiding people from all over the world who have made their homes here

Explain which part of concern around large numbers of undocumented men from cultures where it’s legal to rape and abuse women is racist? Where these men are needing to be given 9 page leaflets to learn that it’s not okay to rape women here - and where per capita, they are more likely to rape women that UK-born men. Which bit do you think is racism?

Or is it just a nice scary word you can throw around, without understanding it, because it usually makes people shut up, and you can feel superior?

But... You yourself accuse your husband of not caring about women's safety. Does he not care about womens safety because he is black and an immigrant? Does he not care because he is a high rate tax payer? Does he not care about it because he is a man? Is it a cultural thing or is it a him thing?
Or does he care on a value level but see the facts slightly differently to you and this has caused him to come to a different conclusion re the significance of the leaflet. That is quite common when people disagree, I don't think emotive "anyone who disagrees with me on this issue doesn't care about that terrible thing happening" helps.
I don't know you or your husband. But it is odd that you are at pains to talk about how you and your husband are black immigrants but that you have "good" cultural attitudes but also castigate your husband for having a bad attitude compared to yourself. Not only your husband but anyone on this thread with a different opinion not only doesnt care at all about rape but thinks you can't complain about it. If that were true it would mean Britain has an appalling attitude to rape rather than being a safer place. Or is it not more likely most people including your husband and people on this thread dislike rape but disagree on how best to prevent it?

Genuinely if you truly believe your husband doesn't care at all about women being raped and doesn't care about your safety you should leave him. But it does seem more likely that he disagrees with you and you are interpreting his disagreement as a moral failure. The way you framed pushback from some people on this thread suggests this.

The moronic inability to understand per capita in this thread is off the scale.