AIBU to be angry that my husband is unconcerned about women’s safety?

[Peedoffdoesntcutit]

To be pissed off with my husband. I said how upset I am that the child abuse and rape leaflet from the government is judged as necessary and we are continuing to let these men into our country who pose a threat to women. He just shrugged - I said doesn’t it bother you these men are coming into our society. We have daughters , I am a woman. I absolutely do not feel safe anymore where we live and would not walk on my own anymore. He said no not really. Absolutely furious with him. Does he not have to care as he’s a big tall man? I’m so pissed off, I’ve walked off and he’s given me the ick.

Fair comment but too often “white men rape women too” is used to shut down legitimate concern and comment on this issue.

I think everyone would welcome a huge campaign that made changes to the behaviour of all men who have the tendency to rape or enjoy sexual harassment, including in schools, explaining why they shouldn’t and the reality of the damage that they do to the victims, heart wrenching accounts, no sugar coating. If it stopped one or two it would be a win.

Just because we have white British rapists doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to import some unvetted people white,black or whatever into our country.These idiotic lefty’s don’t know what racism is,they have watered it down so much that they think just saying a few words make you hate a whole race of people.Thick as planks ! Invite them to live with you and your friends if you think it a good idea ! Plus they think all black,brown,people all like each other and all get on great lol.Ive got a friend from banglerdesh and you wouldn’t believe the hate in their culture.He tells me the way the men from these places think of western women and girls.You should be worried I’m afraid to say.Plus what they think of gay people isn’t very nice either.What is weird is that a lot of lefty do gooders are gay but still think it’s a good idea to import people who would kill them given half a chance.Controlled immigration is fine but some of the people we are allowing in are not nice at all.

That's funny, because i experienced multiple incidents of groping, inappropriate comments, and attempts to have unwanted sex in bars by strangers between the ages of 16-20. Some of these incidents got quite close to unwanted sex. I must just have gone to a very unusual university.

None of which are rape and child abuse 🙄

I’m not sure what point you’re trying to make - we can all pull examples out to back up what we’re saying: https://www.bma.org.uk/news-and-opinion/resilience-and-redemption-the-fight-for-asylum-seeker-doctors-right-to-work

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cqxz8dj11v4o

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-66520653

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lincolnshire-67670973

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-45641864

You’ve no way of knowing if a ‘deep evaluation’ or whatever you called it would have prevented that man from committing that act. So you’re left with ‘never let anyone in’ or some measure of accepting that people come with both risk and reward.

I’m not familiar with the story, and couldn’t find it when I searched. I’d be interested to read it.

Agreed. And yet when the government produces guidance on how exactly that people lose their shit.

It's "Bangladesh"...and you have the gall to call lefties "thick" 🙄

So your friend from Bangladesh tells you that men from Bangladesh have abhorrent views about women. Meaning your friend from Bangladesh has abhorrent views about women. Yet you’re friends?

The system now barely checks, I’m not sure why you’d want that.

I suppose it depends on what you consider ‘barely checks’ but there’s a long list here of the steps and checks an application goes through before a decision is made.https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/considering-asylum-claims-and-assessing-credibility-instruction/assessing-credibility-and-refugee-status-in-asylum-claims-lodged-on-or-after-28-june-2022-accessible

Obviously some people are coming from failed states, so access to eg criminal record databases is limited, or non existent. But again, we come back to ‘do you want to see a ban on people from certain countries’.

I think it behoves the authorities to inform us WHY the Sudanese rapist with the broken bottle who had been denied asylum in France was permitted to stay and WHY when he committed criminal acts was still allowed to roam about freely.

I’d go for more checking, if they can’t be sure don’t choose that person. There are millions who’d like refuge.

Your risk and reward comment, how much do you gloss over the risk because it’s happening to others. I don’t think a woman being attacked with a glass is ok, and the other crimes.

Feel exactly the same.

I don’t think any of it is ‘ok’. Nobody does.

But realistically any group of men will bring risk, and if you - as some pp - believe men from some countries are a higher risk, then the only real way to reduce it is to outright ban men from those countries. There is no check or test that will identify every person who will go on to commit a terrible crime, just as there isn’t for men born in the Uk.

Your post is tiresome. Shutting down her legitimate concerns by labelling her as racist is a shitty tactic.

Way to go deliberately ignoring her point and trying to highlight a miss-spelled word. Shitty, underhand tactic.

No it’s not ok, and since you claim nobody thinks it is ok create another system.

One that safeguards women and girls better. Why not do that as a priority?

I'd be fine with a ban if we can't be sure. I don't see why thats controversial when we're seeing women raped and murdered as a consequence of letting them in.

Yes, and I’m saying the only system that can keep women and girls completely safe is one that keeps them away from men.

That might look like a country ban (which would be for all men from that country). But if we want to keep women and girls safe in the UK we also need to look at more single sex provision, in schools, hobbies, maybe even transport.

Of course you can’t be ‘sure’ of anyone - do you think there’s a system where you can?

I don’t think it’s controversial necessarily, but I’m surprised no-one who is so convinced that, eg, men from Afghanistan automatically are a greater risk, has suggested it.

No thanks. I’m ok with looking at the asylum process which can’t check.

You can push for your version if you want and see how you go.

I posted a link to the checks that are done.

If you only want to keep women and girls safe from foreign men then I guess you don’t care that much about their safety.

Ok you’ve said nobody is ok with it in your pp, so why put up barriers to change?

If there could be an asylum system that prioritises women and girls why would you oppose it?

I'm not a politician so no point making suggestions. All I can do is vote accordingly for the best option to stop these men arriving in their thousands.

We can vote on suggestions at the next election. Three word slogans like smash the gangs won't wash this time, many people have had enough.