AIBU to be devastated at my ex claiming CB to block me receiving it. I'm on UC he earns 120k+

[Heartbrokenanddevastated]

My ex earns six figures. I was absolutely blindsided by the break up. As a SAHM I was financially dependent, having invested all my money into our shared home. I am now on benefits, absolutely financially cut off. After months of him withholding our DC. We now have court ordered 50 50. My ex when we were together told me not to bother claiming child benefit as due to his high income it would have to be repaid.

I tried to claim CB, and discovered he is claiming it, despite having to repay it all through the high income charge. So no benefit for our child. He wont transfer it to me, despite my needing it, and him not even receiving the money. HMRC say they wont change the decision. I believe he would rather see me in poverty. My solicitor was appalled someone could be like this. Can I challenge the decision? Anyone else been in this awful situation? It feels like a continuation of deliberate financial control.

What a bastard

Contact your MP or local councillor they can look into these sorts of things

This should be raised with the minister for women. Family allowance was brought in to benefit the MOTHER not some bastard pathetic excuse for a father.

Eleanor Rathbone will be turning in her grave. This is a complete disgrace.

That has implications for making decisions about your child. Can you afford a solicitor? If not, there might be free advice from women’s aid.

I had to show proof of buying things for my child eg receipts and show doctor. and dentist letters. Then it was transferred to me.

And this is why every mother should claim it, as I do. I couldn’t care less that DH has to fill in a tex return every year. That’s his problem. This benefit was designed to ensure mothers could provide for their children.

This is what can happen if a man persuades his partner not to claim it. Ignore him and get the money. He can pay the tax back.

I would suggest contacting Citizens Advice or a similar agency to check if you challenge the HMRC decision and contact your MP.

You'll have lost out on state pension credit too not claiming CB (even if your ex earned too much).

PP have good advice about transferring the claim. Good luck.

This. My husband pays it back too as he is just over the threshold. I want my state pension.

I think there is an option to get the NI credits without receiving the money - but I do t think that was the case when it was originally means tested. But yes, it is crucial to ensure you’re getting the NI credits for your state pension. And I get the money as well.

Absolute scumbag. Are you having child maintenance from him? My ex son in law is exactly the same, rotten to the core! If youre in the UK its worth writing to your local MP, I know they help with child maintenance so maybe they can help you with CB. Good luck.

You need to claim child benefit, because it pays National Insurance contributions towards your state pension & other benefits.

Please seek advise

See info
https://www.gov.uk/child-benefit

Check your history

https://www.gov.uk/check-national-insurance-record

Well in true 50/50 neither of you should get it.

One of you is going to have to prove that you are more entitled than the other. Sex shouldn’t come into that.

Is it just one dc or multiple? If multiple odds are likely that you’d get one child each.

Op - sadly nothing surprises me about this. I have a similarly vindictive ex but came out well at court, even self representing v a barrister as I didn’t cave and had a brilliant and experienced judge who totally got the measure of my ex. It’s awful. Have you gone to court for finances as well as child arrangements? If not you need to push hard for a fair but not necessarily equitable outcome that reflects your contributions and the financial disparity. I would see if you can get support from CAB and/ or Womens aid for this specific issue as this is post separation financial abuse. Is your address recorded for things like the GP and primary school contact? Do you take the lead in these things? If not make that happen as that gives weight to the argument that you are the primary carer even with 50-50. Record any and every variance from contact that he orchestrates as then you can argue via cms that there is a change to 50-50. I’m sure I read that the 50-50 court order can only be enforced for 12 months after which you can apply for a variance - do check this out. How old are your kids - are they close to an age where they can choose their primary base and would this be you? Given the income disparity have you looked to see if you should be in receipt of a CMS contribution anyway from him? You can check on the calculator and it’s worth doing. Do not believe anything he might claim - always check things out for yourself.

Ive just re read your post and see you have a 50 50 arrangement so I dont think youre entitled to child maintenance. My ex son in law wanted that when the cms were on to him to avoid paying, not because he wanted the children. Some will request 50 50 to avoid paying and its financial abuse and not in the child's best interest.

Who is the resident parent? Only that parent should be claiming it.

Is there any way to appeal this decision? Ultimately the children lose out so I don’t understand why this decision is allowed to stand.

Presumably without CB you can’t claim
any benefits for your DC?
Your ex sounds vile, but why would any father want his children living in poverty for 50% of the time?
You really need to pursue this with HMRC. They can’t just refuse to change their decision.
How far has this gone? Have you been interviewed so they can obtain details of how often you have your DC, who is contact for school and GP etc?
Rival claims for CB can be very complicated, but also the situation can evolve over time. You should not accept a flat refusal to look at their decision again, and you should also have the option of an independent appeal tribunal hearing if necessary.
Good luck

Is your childs doctor, dentist or school registered at your address? You can use that as proof you are the resident parent

I agree about the law being changed, it used to always be paid to the mother.

I'd also change the law so an employer can dismiss people for something like this, even though it does not directly impact their work. The kind of man or in rare cases woman who behaves like this would change their tune if their job and career was in jeopardy.

Contact your local MP as previously stated. I have contacted mine over an issue. They can be very useful in these types of situations. They have a lot of clout with organisations too. Good luck to you OP. Your ex is a nasty evil bastard.

This might be your personal opinion but its not correct in 50/50 cases - either parent can claim .Please dont give incorrect information to a woman that will be severely financially impacted by such a situation

Yep. This is not just about the child benefit. The child element in UC usually follows the CB ruling.

OP you need to keep very detailed records of the timekeeping of your "50:50" arrangement and all the ancillary things you do for your DC - doctor's appointments, buying clothes, liaising with schools etc. If you can show in any way that you are doing more than ex is then you should be able to overturn the decision.