AIBU to be devastated at my ex claiming CB to block me receiving it. I'm on UC he earns 120k+

[Heartbrokenanddevastated]

My ex earns six figures. I was absolutely blindsided by the break up. As a SAHM I was financially dependent, having invested all my money into our shared home. I am now on benefits, absolutely financially cut off. After months of him withholding our DC. We now have court ordered 50 50. My ex when we were together told me not to bother claiming child benefit as due to his high income it would have to be repaid.

I tried to claim CB, and discovered he is claiming it, despite having to repay it all through the high income charge. So no benefit for our child. He wont transfer it to me, despite my needing it, and him not even receiving the money. HMRC say they wont change the decision. I believe he would rather see me in poverty. My solicitor was appalled someone could be like this. Can I challenge the decision? Anyone else been in this awful situation? It feels like a continuation of deliberate financial control.

yes, i was working and owned my own home when we met but gave up before having DC, worked on shared houses. He earned a salary but did not pay me anything, i just burned through remaining savings /proceeds from sale of my house. he had his own pension which he said i was a beneficiary of, and no dont think he made any NI contributions on my behalf.

It was like my financial health was tied to him, and becasue we were engaged and had a family and seemed permanent, i trusted what he said. the break up obliterated all that. Name is on the house deeds and I contributed hugely (majority of equity), but he said we should own it jointly as he paid mortgage. i am now finding out that means a starting division point of 50 50. All decency has gone, he's out for what he can get. Me and DC may end up without a home and its obvious he will try and exploit that to try and take full custody, rather than show decency. I could never do this to someone. It's unfathomable.

What a nasty little man. Please get proper advice from the authorities.

Have you applied to Child Benefit and given them proof that you have a true 50/50 set up?

Because in that circumstance if they agree it is a genuine 50/50 they should pay it to the parent where the child will benefit most - which when one can have payment and one cannot is always the one that can have.

If you have applied have they confirmed they see that you have 50/50? The only reason to leave it with him is if they see him as the resident parent as he has the children more or does more.

yes, not married, engaged many years and I had no clue he was planning to do this, or that he could ever make these kinds of choices. Joint house. He lives in it, with his now wife, who he married shortly after the breakup. I had no choice. It's hell.

So, work on getting that house sold ASAP. Your solicitor will advise on how to get the most percentage you can.

Make your CB claim - and ask for a reconsideration. They will investigate and decide who get its. Salary doesn’t come into that though - it does not matter who earns what or if he cannot actually keep the money. All that matters is care of the children. Who provides most for them, who deals with doctors and school and all of those sorts of things. It isn’t just about physical nights at his or yours. Get as much evidence as you can that you handle their day to day organising or their lives etc.

And, you have to go back to work. You weren’t married, so you’re not getting anything beyond what comes from the house. You have no pension and won’t get a share of his like in a divorce and no split of the money in bank accounts. You need to go back to work, and pay for childcare for your days. That’s just the way it is now.

Christ, this really is one of the most awful things I've read on here. What a monster he is.

Not that this is any help but long runs the fox. Your child will eventually see him for what he is. A disgusting excuse for a man. He'd rather see his child suffer to be spiteful to you, they'll figure that out soon enough. His new wife should also pay heed to how he is.
I hope you can get this sorted, sounds like he knew what he was doing all along. Best of luck to your and your child.

Do you work now? If not get a job.

This might sound OTT but he’s an evil bastard.

You need to claim child benefit to get NI credits, even if it needs to be paid - or you register for it but don’t take the money. This is no good for you now however.

So basically you now have no qualifying years for state pension affecting your old age, and you are losing money for your child in the here and now - unsure if you get your NI credits on UC, but if not then he’s continuing to also affect your retirement security.

im staggered he can get away with this, no advice but I hope other posters have some and I hope it is resolved for you. You’re asking for what you’re entitled to whereas he’s being vindictive and depriving your child.

As others have said you need to challenge the child benefit. They do have an investigations branch. In pure 50/50 there is a discretionary policy (rarely used but does exist) to determine which parent should get it and financial need is a consideration of that policy. Its a shame it wasnt included in your court order.

Op, do you have the lives with order or is it a joint lives with??

50/50 contact but who is the resident parent?

what is the home address for school/GP etc because that’s what they look at for seeing who should get the CB

This is utterly scandalous. The whole situation. You need legal help urgently for this whole situation. His level of financial abuse is frightening. Is there a registered body that his profession is registered with? Because (after seeking legal advice), I'd be reporting him to it.

This man has completely fucked up your state pension, and has you living in poverty, despite you owning a home that he has moved his fucking wife into? Fuck me, he's done a complete number on you.

Do not take this lying down, get onto your MP, Women's Aid, and a shark of a solicitor as a matter of urgency.

Do you have a solicitor? You need to get one even if you need to borrow money. You need to force a house sale

You were foolish to have not been claiming it all along. Dh and I very happily married. He earns over the threshold. I’ve always claimed it (and received my NI credits) and kept the money. Dh pays it back. He earns probably 2-3x what I do and though we share money equitably, this is the little extra that’s for me, even though it costs him in taxes.

Utter bastard.

No advice or wisdom to share OP but I really hope someone can help you.

What is it with these men, who seem to delight hurting their children.

Your problem here is that he’s just as entitled to claim as you are, your financial situations have no bearing.

That said - try your MP. It sounds like you’re in an awful situation - but a tip here, try to remove the emotion from it and focus on the facts in terms of the benefit to your child if you get it vs your ex claiming. You could also make the wider point that this is an easy way for an abusive ex to weaponise the system - if there is no route of appeal where such disputes can be arbitrated that’s a problem. CB exists to support children, not to be used in the way your ex is using it, and the rules shouldn’t support his aims either inadvertently or by design.

You have made some naive decisions along the way, which I’m sure you’re aware of, but I hope at least someone can learn from your situation.

Many women do not realise that there is a link between claiming CB as a mother staying at home and their future pension. Always claim it. It was intended to help mothers, which is why originally it could only be paid to the mother (unless circumstances meant the mother was not caring for the DC - in which case other arrangements could be made, but those were exceptions).

Of all the utter cunts I’ve ever read about on mumsnet, this one, right here, takes the fucking prize.

they share the child 50:50 so maybe no Cm to pay ?

OP I’m so sorry this is happening. You have been well and truly screwed over with little legal recourse. All those years as SAHM and absolutely nothing to show for it.

The CB can be challenged. Go see Citizens Advice about that.

I’d be tempted through sheer will to retrain and get on in spite of him. He wants you destitute. Don’t give him that satisfaction.

Apologies if this has already been asked op but are you getting the Universal credit child element on your UC claim? If so then that surely means that UC are recognizing you as the main parent so I don't understand why child benefit can't also.

If you are a joint owner of the house then you can make him buy you out. You need a solicitor (a good one) and also to appeal the decision that CB cannot come to you - you have the lower income and may well be eligible. You will probably have to provide proof of what you are spending on DC.
This is why I insisted on marriage, it has a whole shedload of protections that don't exist if you do not make a legal contract - which is what marriage is - when you set up home (you can go through all the legal hoops to get the same arrangements, more or less, as being married, but getting married is a lot cheaper).

OP which address do school, GP, dentist etc?

Interesting case in Northern Ireland:
https://www.lawcentreni.org/news/law-centre-ni-successfully-challenges-hmrc-allocation-of-child-benefit/

Contact CPAG, they’re excellent and experts on benefits:
https://cpag.org.uk/contact-us