AIBU to be devastated at my ex claiming CB to block me receiving it. I'm on UC he earns 120k+

[Heartbrokenanddevastated]

My ex earns six figures. I was absolutely blindsided by the break up. As a SAHM I was financially dependent, having invested all my money into our shared home. I am now on benefits, absolutely financially cut off. After months of him withholding our DC. We now have court ordered 50 50. My ex when we were together told me not to bother claiming child benefit as due to his high income it would have to be repaid.

I tried to claim CB, and discovered he is claiming it, despite having to repay it all through the high income charge. So no benefit for our child. He wont transfer it to me, despite my needing it, and him not even receiving the money. HMRC say they wont change the decision. I believe he would rather see me in poverty. My solicitor was appalled someone could be like this. Can I challenge the decision? Anyone else been in this awful situation? It feels like a continuation of deliberate financial control.

Sorry he is being such a bastard. Are you working? If not, you need to take steps to get back into work ASAP. Long term, that the best solution here.

Have you reapplied now you have 50/50? Did you have to leave the family home, but he kept the children? Usually one parent claims for a child each. It's like he suddenly hates you.

Also, he should be paying you half the market rent to use your half of the house, a solicitor will advise on that too.

I know this is no good to you now OP but for anyone else reading, this can happen to anyone. Never, ever give up your financial independence for any man, married or not. If you want to be a SAHM make sure he gives you part of his income and pays into a pension for you. Never put yourself in a position where a man can leave you destitute.

OP contact your MP and a solicitor if you can.

OP I'm well versed in child benefit issues as been through my own problems over this, trying to overturn a situation where my daughter was basically kidnapped from me then they claimed the child benefit to stop an ongoing child maintenance case, which they successfully did which the court did not to overturn.

So the reason he is claiming CB is to prevent you making a child maintenance claim. So he has become the resident parent as he holds the CB and only a resident parent can claim child maintenance.

Is your time with your children split completely equally? There has been some case law where the financial situation of each parent has been taken into account in 50/50 situations. If not and you are doing more overnights with your children, even a little say one extra night a fortnight then you should submit a rival CB claim. Citizens Advice or a local free family law centre could also help you.

Feel free to PM me if you want.

@Heartbrokenanddevastated please make sure you read the link that @JenRummy has posted, this shows that HMRC have been legally challenged on this very same matter, so you are extremely likely to win getting the CB into your name when you challenge their decision.

Put a claim in for CSM. It might not come off but I've seen other posts on here when the financial arrangements are stacked like your and the wealthy parent has to pay even with 50:50.

Are you working at all to get your NI contribution?

I presume you've had your money from the joint home now.

I don't if any of my experience. May help, but here goes. My ex had engineered a situation where he had the girls with him. He slowly allowed me to build up to every other weekend and one night a week. I was reliant on benefits and financial help from my parents. I made myself totally available for school runs, orthodontist and dental appointments etc. I slowly made sure I became the primary parent for correspondence, but keeping him only just in the loop. I registered them at my GP as we lived 25 minutes away from him. GP's do not notify the outgoing parent in this situation. Once I had built up to just over 50% of the nighs, I submitted a rival claim for Child Benefit and tax credits. He kicked off big time and still made me wait the full length of time before they were transferred to me. I knew I could prove my involvement and contact time and that he would lose. It took just under two years in all. I know your situation is different , butsome of my experience may help. You. Good luck and stay strong.

Thank you for posting this!

You can definitely apply for ‘Rival claim’. You’ll win if like past posters you can prove you take/arrange to dentist, docs, arrange all activities, school correspondence, buy uniforms (make sure you do), buy clothes and pay for child’s phone bill, Spotify etc.

OP how old is child?
OP how do you feel about focusing on re training/college?

What are you talking about ? Either parent can claim it.

Wow what a bastard. How someone can do that to the mother of their child is beyond me! That’s just cruel.

Not only that, but what sort of woman marries a man who treats his ex and child so contemptuously?

Presumably, another woman who swallows all his lies without applying any common sense or critical thinking!

She needs to go to court which can overrule the 50/50, and make him pay her costs. His claiming of CB is utterly unreasonable behaviour which the court will look harshly on.

Cut also affects your state pension OP.
Do they live with him?

For someone to be liable to pay child maintenance on 50/50 arrangements their incomes needs to be in excess of £156,000.

The chances of someone claiming spousal maintenance when they weren’t married are incredibly low. In the eyes of the courts her ex isn’t a particularly high earner - 120k isn’t high enough for court to take over child maintenance payments.

she won’t get child maintence on 50/50 with that salary discrepancy. It’s not wide enough.

She needs to focus on the child benefit and it being paid to her because as they are 50/50 and she can claim the money it financially benefits the child more.

@Maray1967 very happy to see that someone else knows about Eleanor Rathbone and the purpose of Child Benefit. OP absolutely needs to get this overturned.

You’re advising her to waste her money, and the court’s time. This is the remit of the CMS, not the courts. He doesn’t make enough to require a court order.

The courts aren’t going to overrule 50/50 because she wants more time in order to claim CMS. That will be looked on poorly. She will also be liable for her own costs. They’re not going to encourage vexatious litigation on the respondent’s dime.

Fine. But if the children are effectively living on benefits at the OP's then a court would order the father to ensure the OP has enough money to make sure their standard of living is the same.

But you obviously know much more about this than anyone else, so I'll leave you to tell the OP what to do.

No, they wouldn’t. He would need to make over £156,000 for CMS to no longer apply.

My background is in family law.

No they wouldn’t.

They only order child maintenance in 50/50 cases when one party is a very, very high earner.

So well above the CMS 156k salary threshold.

No, they wouldn't. He is not a mega high earner. £120k is not considered high enough for them to do that.

She didn't marry him so she doesn’t get the protection that comes with that - no split of his pension and no split of the money in his bank accounts. She also didn’t ensure that he deposited to her savings account or her pension.

It’s 2026. It is well publicised what happens if you do not get married and then give up your job, and all your savings and don’t ensure you protect your own money or have him pay money into your account. I don’t understand how women are still making this mistake. Maybe it’s because people like you keep posting things like this - “oh, go to court and they’ll order him to give you money.” No, they won’t.

Do not give up your job if you are not married.

That’s maintenance. One parent can claim CB.

@Merrybandofpiratesmen like this deliberately don’t get married. I’d say never have kids unless married. If he won’t , walk away.