AIBU to be devastated at my ex claiming CB to block me receiving it. I'm on UC he earns 120k+

[Heartbrokenanddevastated]

My ex earns six figures. I was absolutely blindsided by the break up. As a SAHM I was financially dependent, having invested all my money into our shared home. I am now on benefits, absolutely financially cut off. After months of him withholding our DC. We now have court ordered 50 50. My ex when we were together told me not to bother claiming child benefit as due to his high income it would have to be repaid.

I tried to claim CB, and discovered he is claiming it, despite having to repay it all through the high income charge. So no benefit for our child. He wont transfer it to me, despite my needing it, and him not even receiving the money. HMRC say they wont change the decision. I believe he would rather see me in poverty. My solicitor was appalled someone could be like this. Can I challenge the decision? Anyone else been in this awful situation? It feels like a continuation of deliberate financial control.

No it doesn’t you don’t need to claim child benefit to be eligible for child element on Uc.

@Heartbrokenanddevastated make a counter claim. Let child benefit decide.

The family court can make the decision which parent receives the child benefit and include it in the child arrangements order.

The judge is not going to be impressed with your ex…

You should also be entitled to child maintenance payments from your ex despite the 50:50 arrangement if he earns £120k and you are on UC. If one parent is a very high earner and the other parent is on a low income, the court can award child maintenance to even out financial situation in both homes.

Thank you, good idea Lavendersong

You can claim it without receiving the money; this is what I do so I get the credits without having to pay it back.

But, you two are missing the point here. Her ex is already claiming it, so she cannot. Read the OP again.

Maray, it is absolutely shocking, this is how he treats me universally on everything. Is there genuinely an MP for this?

You just need to make a counter claim with child benefit if you haven’t done so already

Yup. And it will block you from being able to claim housing benefit for more than 1 bedroom as well.

its financial abuse. I’m sorry

Thanks WGTKTMB I'm only now just realising how bad this is, becasue ive missed out on NI contributions all that time, and relied on my ex who promised to take care of us financially, crucially he always said I was a beneficiary of his pension. But unfortunately because we never actually got married (despite being engaged for manymany years) that is now meaningless. I know people may weigh in to say its my fault for not insisting on being married before agreeing to be a SAHM. But i genuinely trusted this man, he was my best friend. The way he treats me now is beyond contempt. He has no interest and sees and treats me as less than human. It's horrifc tbh. His occupation also reflected that trust, may be outing but lets just say he is incredibly proficient with numbers.

No it won’t. Not claiming child benefit doesn’t affect child element or bedroom entitlement on UC

My MP sorted benefits for ds when exh continued to claim for ds despite him living with me.

Its 50 50 so my understanding is no CM. He would not give me a single penny, my own child tells me he 'hates me'. I think has managed to dehumanise me completely in his own mind. With no regard for the devastating consequences on me or DC.

Do you have more than one child or just the one?

I have heard some people can claim CMS even though they are both doing 50/50. Not sure how though.

How old is your DC? Who pays for activities? Clothes, shoes and holidays?

It can happen through court when one is a very high earner (in legal terms, not what generally seems like a lot. Think footballer and cleaner as parents, or CEO and admin assistant).

It’s often done through an initial divorce.

Ring CMS as soon as possible.

CMS Payment Calculator UK 2025/26
Hope this helps.

My friend and her ex did 50/50 the child benefit was split 50/50 too

Child benefit is however separate to child maintenance. OP needs to get CB transferred at least for one child to claim any missing NI full years credit payments otherwise any years or part years at home as unpaid child carer won't count towards the 35 years full years contributions needed for a full state pension.

I found out when I had just a couple of months unpaid maternity leave those couple of months meant I didn't have 12 months worth of contribution for that year even I was on quite a good salary and paid in far more than the minimum annual NI contribution for the relevant year.

Your local MP is the one to contact in the first instance.

Go back to your solicitor and claim spousal maintenance because you are a SAHM and support for the children because their standard of living is so much lower in your household. He has declared war on you.

She's talking about Child Benefit not child maintenance. Her wealthy husband is claiming it and then paying it back to prevent OP claiming it.

You gave up work and became a SAHM without the protection of marriage?

Some questions so we can see where you stand -
Did you have your own savings account which he paid into, so you had your own money and weren’t disadvantaged by not working? Or have you got nothing?

Did he pay into a pension for you, or make voluntary NI contributions to protect your state pension?

Why didn’t you claim the CB for the NI credits but tick the box saying “no payment”?

You said you put all your money into the house - is your name on the deeds, so it’s being sold, or he is buying you out so you can get your money back? Or is the house solely is and without being married, you can’t get your money out of it?

just one DC. Only one parent can get it. Its just that the parent who doesnt need it and has to repay it (so zero net benefit) is claiming it, to stop the one who would actually be able to access the money to help buy essentials for our child, and desperately needs it. He's essentially taking nearly 15k+ away from his DC.

Why would you tell the op to engage a solicitor in an almost certainly fruitlessly endeavor and I've more costs.

Unless the solicitor is providing multiples of the favors MM free half hours it's just going to hurt her financially.

Just to clarify... you were not married but still invested in a home together, right?
You can definitely a ask for the decision to be formally reconsidered/appealed, explaining the actual care arrangements, that you are now separated and have court ordered 50/50 care.

It may not lead anywhere, but worth a shot.

I am so sorry, this is my absolute worst nightmare and why I refuse to have children outside of marriage. Seen it happen to too many women. It does sound to be like he is trying to financially control/abuse you now.

You can apply for the NI contributions to be transferred to you, as you were together.
Have you actually claimed Child Benefit and been disallowed?
If yes, request a Mandatory Reconsideration and claim again.