To tell my MIL if she wants a son to name she can go have one and not be engrossed on what I choose to name my son.

[TwinklyPoster]

Hi all, this is more of a rant than anything because I’m honestly just frustrated.
I gave birth to my son at the beginning of August, and my husband and I have chosen his name together.

We’ve named him after my father with his middle name being my grandfather’s name. We’ve also given him a double-barrelled surname/name incorporating both mine and his dad’s names.

My family are absolutely thrilled. My dad in particular is over the moon and feels incredibly honoured that his grandson has been named after him.

I am born in 89, my name was old even then and I’ve grown into it I love it, I always get compliments on it or just people curious about it. DH has somewhat of an old name too. I was never going to name my child whether boy or girl something old fashion. If we had a daughter she would have been name Agatha.

The name itself is quite old-fashioned. Think along the lines of Hugo/Herbert, although it isn’t either of those. Personally I love it and think it’s the sort of name that will grow with him. It might sound very “old man” on a newborn, but I can picture it perfectly on him as a little boy, teenager and adult.

The thing is, my husband and I discussed the names at length and he has always been completely on board. We also deliberately decided not to tell anyone the name or even the sex before the birth. This is our first baby and we wanted to keep it completely to ourselves and just enjoy finding out when he arrived.

DH’s parents, however, are furious about the name. His mother mainly.

Apparently it’s “unfair” that we’ve used family names from my side and that they weren’t consulted.

MIL came round last night to check on us and, inevitably, the subject came up again.
I’ll admit I was probably snappier than I should have been, but after hearing yet again how unfair it all was, I told her: “he is my son I name him not you if you want a child to name to have on yourself” She was obviously offended and the atmosphere went very awkward. My husband did his best to calm things down.

Now I’m wondering whether I was completely out of order in how I said it.
I absolutely stand by the fact that DH and I are the only people who get to decide our son’s name. But perhaps I could have handled MIL’s feelings better, especially as I’m freshly postpartum and emotions are obviously running high.

Its the bizarre concept of “fair” which often exists on MN.

Its perfectly commonplace to use family names, equally common place not to. Its also common for one child’s names to come from side A and the next from side B or from neither depending on the names in question.

Its not normal to be barging into the new parents’ home daily to whine about their choices of name.

I was never going to name my child whether boy or girl something old fashion (ed)

That's not a typo or poor explanation, it's simply saying the opposite of what you're saying now.

Well, of course it’s your baby and it’s entirely up to you and your DH what you name him. But given both names come from your side of the family, I think it’s understandable MiL was initially a bit miffed to discover this. Did you ever sit down with her and explain why you took this approach? I think that would have been the kind thing to do.

And yes, quite unusual these days to give babies names from your parents / grandparents.

Yes any sympathy I had for OP went after I read that comment.

He has his father’s surname.

Is there an honouring family members through kids tradition in your family? Your brother also wants to honour grandfather through his son. Are you from some royal family?

Your baby - you choose the name/s
MIl had her babies she chose their names.
end of - sorted.

and she may be shooting herself in the foot as who knows what you may call future children ! ( if you choose to have more )

For all MIL knows you may really like her great grandmother's name on his side, if you were to have a girl,
but I suspect you won't be choosing it now !

and get your partner to speak to her / tell her to cut back on the visits !

I am incredibly glad my DIL is nothing like this, you have karma in your future.

sorry, don't know how i managed to insert @OneOfYour in there, OP. I wanted to tell @One of Your not to insult the Virgin Mary.

Yes Everyone seems to be forgetting the dh wasn’t fussed about any names coming from his family and he agreed with the op in the names.

But hey let’s all blame the op as the women and she’s even being mad to her mil for not using a name the dh didn’t want to use.

Enjoy your baby. Lock the door for a couple of days. Have a hot bath/shower and your fave drink and relax. Let dh cook or pick up a lovely meal. Turn off phones.

My phone tried to auto change pick up a lovely meal to pick up a lovely mil

In one sense its none of her business but I do also see why she's annoyed. You've named the baby after 2 different men from your side and the baby also doesn't even have his surname. If you insist on naming baby after relatives it would of been fairer to pick a name from each side for first and middle name.

Okay

And this is absolutely great. The baby is their child and they get the final and ONLY say. Hopefully after this, they decide to keep their opinions about themselves.

My husband was on board with the names he even suggested we name our son after my father. Wayyy before we’d even started trying for a baby. He likes the name and likes that it’s associated with my father.

I cannot believe she said “they should have been consulted”.

The nerve!

Inappropriate user name, if that’s the case 🙄

You were a lot nicer to her than me
She got off lightly
Silly cow expecting to be consulted

Why does it matter if DH likes the name and even suggested it. Why should MIL have any say on what we name our child.

No not royal family ahaha. My husband did not want our son having his fathers name or his grandfathers name.

"Honestly", that's how you feel about it. But the MiL feels differently. MiL's seem to be the only people on MN not entitled to any feelings at all.

I agree, banging on about it is annoying and counterproductive.

Obviously, MiL has correctly picked up on the fact that OP loathes her and only wants her own family involved in their lives.

Your MIL sounds very difficult but then so do you. You are perfectly entitled to name your baby whatever you want but the way you disregard her effort generally to have a close relationship with you is very cold. One day you will possibly be a MIL, let’s hope your DIL doesn’t treat you with the same contempt.

She is allowed her feelings, but it's not OK to come to their house almost daily and give vent to them, especially after having been asked to stop.
We seem to agree on this, so I don't quite know what you're trying to argue with me about.

All that means is that your DH has been pretty horrible to his family too. Unless there's a huge drip feed about his family and upbringing being awful (in which case, why would you have them anywhere near your baby?), you've both been really hurtful in your naming choices. Now you're annoyed that your MIL is, well, hurt.

Is there a reason you have chosen family names rather than just choosing a name. This baby is an individual not a copy of another family member

It's interesting how many posters are critical of the double barrel. Wonder whether either they or MIL would've been critical of the lack of balance if, as is quite common, baby had dad's surname only and other names with no connection to either side. Perhaps that particular lack of balance would be acceptable.