AIBU to knock her head off ?

[DallazMajor]

Myself and my children’s father seperated over 10 years ago. We are since divorced. He is in a relationship (prob started whilst we were married tbh).

Im not entirely sure when this started but for the but last 5 years at least his new partner has started to slag me off in front of my kids. For context I took voluntary redundancy 7 years ago it came at a convenient time as I was very unwell after a coercive controlling relationship. I already had mental health issues and the abuse sent me into psychosis. He was mentally, physically and sexually abusive. Since then I’ve not worked (I’ve also been caring for my eldery parents and my 2 teenagers). I’ve continually had episodes of severe breakdowns, psychosis and blackouts.
I am constantly on the edge of my nerves, my mum passed away in January and my dad is very difficult to deal with. In retrospect he was very abusive toward my mum and this has also really affected me.

I digress. My exes partner has been slating me. Saying I’m making it all up, I’m fraudulently claiming benefits. I’ve spent all my children’s savings on holidays (none of which is true). She can say and think what she likes but NOT to my children. My children are older now (21 & 18) and they have confided that this has been an ongoing issue but if they ever said anything to their dad he took his partners side and told them off.

Not only this but in the last 4 years I’ve been excluded from stuff because of her. Previously (because me and the ex were completely amicable) we used to celebrate the kids birthdays and Christmas as a family. Including his partner. I used to welcome them into my home put on food etc. Both sets of grandparents would be there. It was for the kids benefit and there was no issue as far as I was concerned.

All this has stopped now and it’s a pita and a shame as my kids recently had big birthdays and it was all made awkward. (Ex husband came to my house to drop presents and pick up kids and his partner sat outside in the car scowling and texting him to hurry up). Honestly it’s just ridiculous.

Ive spoke to the ex husband about it. He’s a wet lettuce and does nothing about it.

Would I be unreasonable to knock her fkn head off. (Joke). But what would you do? Anything ? Nothing ?

Also ex mil thinks the sun shines out of my arse which winds the new partner up. The ex mil has been told that it’s me causing the issues! Should I write her a letter and put her straight ?

TIA and sorry for the length of this post !

It’s a different ex.

You have 0 need to be in contact with either your ex or his partner now your children are older.
She's obviously not being nice but it will do you 0 good to confront her. Just ignore it, move on.
Creating drama never helps anyone and tbh if you suffer poor MH then engaging in this could be damaging and theres literally nothing to gain from it.

You don't say how old your teenagers are but they should be having your back in this and not go around there if she is slagging you off 😞

She's clearly jealous of you/threatened by you to be acting this way. There's nothing you can do about it though, so i'd just rise above it.

They’re adults now. Let them stand up to her if they want to. There’s no need for you to ever get together for family events with your ex - you’ve been divorced 10 years and now the kids are grown need have no further contact with him.

They’re 21 and 18 it’s right there in the post you quoted

Are you under the influence ?

Did you not read my reply? You've just repeated yourself.

Are you genuinely saying people who have experienced psychosis and depression should never work again?

Where the fuck are you getting that from? Stop making things up😂

Why was your comment deleted? Was it because you're being extremely aggressive?

I appreciate this sounds harsh but I speak from personal experience.
Are you sure you are not deflecting onto her your own guilt about how your choices affected your children.
You have referred to this woman as a lunatic and abusive towards your children’s father and how this will have impacted your children, but you yourself were in a seriously abusive relationship that affected your ability to work and had a very severe ongoing impact on your mental health.
it’s much easier to fixate on this woman and her alleged comments and behaviour - which tbh you can’t really explain have any significant impact on anything now other than being annoying, than to consider events closer to home.
Maybe this is something to work through with your therapist.

🤣 who do you think you are ?!

Your ex blocked the kids ? I don't follow this. And I don't know why either of them is repeating the comments from his new girlfriend to you. I would let your kids know that you don't want to know what she is saying about you. Why give it any space in your head ? You don't like her, you think she says lies, your kids are on your side so you don't need to know what she's been waffling on about.

@CatLady199 they are 18 and 21. Son and daughter, can't remember which is which age.

I’m not deflecting.

Read my updates they may explain further.

No. His partner blocked me.

Her comments and lies affect my kids so of course I want them to be able to talk to me about the issue. Esp as they aren’t getting any support from their dad.

I think it’s my exes girlfriend ! Pa ha

But if she's spreading lies why don't your kids ignore everything she says ? Surely they can think for themselves by now .

Because they don’t like listening to it and they can’t talk to their dad as he bollocks them. So because I’m their mum and I do communicate with them they come to me.

Ive told them to ask her not to talk about me which they have but she ignores it.

I’ve contacted their dad. He just bollocked them.

They want to spend time with their dad but this issue continues.

If it was a bit of snide name calling it would be water off a ducks back but it’s more than that
eg. I ripped off their dad when we separated and took all his money, I pretend to be “mental” to get out of working, I fraudulently claim benefits, I’ve used all my kids spending money to pay for holidays. Etc etc
None of which is true.

OP this person is entitled to her opinions. She is entitled to express them. Your children -18 and 21 - have to learn to accept that people can have opinions. And they have to accept that people can express their opinions. We listen, ignore and move on..I honestly think you need to chill.

If she was going to take you to court I can see why it would be upsetting. She might be jealous of what she thought you and ex had together, who knows. Your children, and you, can cope with this. You really can..

She shouldn't be saying anything bad about you in front of your kids that much Is true. However with psychosis I imagine it has very much messed up your child's growing up. People with this illness do tell lies and live in delusions, many have their kids taken off them because they cant take care of them. It's a very serious mental condition. I hope you are in a good place now op but I don't belive it was all daisy's and roses when these episodes were happening and the exs girlfriend probably has put up with a lot of shit.

And they know it, so no harm to you there.

You say the only issue is that it upsets them hearing it, and they're adults so they have to be the ones to advocate. They need to tell her they won't listen to it and then follow through; leave the room, the house, refuse any contact if she insists on slagging off their mum every time she sees them.

They’ll have to accept that this is a condition of spending time with their Dad, then, if they choose to continue.
That’s the only real choice they have, because expecting you to get in the middle of it is nonsense and you really need to stop.

I read all your updates, that’s why I came to my conclusion about deflecting.

Again,why are your children still visiting then?

I don't mind disagreement, but we probably need to use the right words.