AIBU to think DH needs to step back from being so involved in the selling family home?

[NiftyRubyGoose]

AIBU for thinking DH needs to let go of the house?

DH has been trying to sell his parents’ house for just under a year now. It’s been in his family for generations and it’s his childhood home, so I do understand why it’s incredibly sentimental to him. His younger brothers aren’t as attached to it and basically just want it sold but DH is the eldest and since his dad passed away last year he’s pretty much taken control of everything to do with the finances.
We’ve had 12 offers, some even above the price so far but he has found a reason not to like pretty much every person who has viewed it.

I’ve actually removed myself from the whole situation now because I just can’t deal with the drama. We’ve had some genuinely lovely families come to view it but DH picks up on the smallest things.One man was wearing the “wrong shoes” with his corduroy trousers. Another family didn’t take their shoes off until DH asked them to. He just seems to decide that certain people aren’t the “right sort of people” for his parents’ house. Another man apparently couldn’t control his kids and they were badly behaved and that was off putting to my husband

He even started asking people to write letters explaining why they wanted the house and why they would be good people to have it.
Knight Frank have now had to speak to him about his behaviour and have asked him not to be there during viewings. He’s absolutely furious about this because he wants to see every person who comes through the door. He doesn’t want to just sell his parents’ house to anyone.

And I do understand that. I really do. This house has been in the family for a long time he grew up there and his dad only passed away last year so I can appreciate that selling it must be incredibly emotional for him.But at the same time, we’ve been trying to sell for nearly a year. His brothers just want it sold and I think DH has got himself into a position where he feels responsible for deciding who is “good enough” to take over the house.

I’ve told him that once you decide to sell a house you have to accept that you don’t get to choose the buyer based on whether you like their shoes, how they dress or whether they immediately take their shoes off or just things of that sort.

Hi father grew up in the house with 5 siblings, his fathers father grew up in that house too. It has been passed down for a long time and it’s time for it to to to another family. No point in us moving into it, our children are in primary and secondary school they’re settled in we’d have to move to a different area, find schools etc so essentially it can’t really be kept within the family. The same issue with his brothers, all of them have children who are in school can’t just up and move ti a new area.

AIBU for thinking he needs to step back and let the sales negotiators do their job, or should I be more understanding given the history of the house and everything that’s happened over the last year?

Does he not realize that if if he finds the 'perfect buyers', they could sell it on to someone he doesn't like anyway? Are you not paying an extortionate amount in bills? Doesn't the council tax apply with a 100% extra on top after a year?

Perhaps he just needs some therapy, but it may be that the only way for him to recover is to say goodbye to the house. Could you arrange a few days to stay there as a final family farewell to it and make it really lovely or something and then agree it is in the agent's hands?

I suspect he'll have the same issues with prospective renters. And it sounds like he'd be an awful interfering landlord.

He doesn't want to sell it because he feels it's his duty to live in it and take it on. It's more than a house. He'll have to work through that first. I would feel exactly the same and I have a lot of sympathy with him although he's clearly behaving like a complete twat. He can't market it while he feels like this!

Mm. It's sounding more like it's a moneypit called something like Fiveacres and has a gated drive and a saggy roof!

No not really but he did lose his father so I’m willing to just let him do what he wants I haven’t lost my parents so cannot imagine how he feels. Losing both parents in the space of 2 years is tough for anyone. He has struggled with that out of all the brothers he was the closest to his father.

This is the case.

FIL died earlier this year and his old home is currently standing empty. When the local council were informed of his death they immediately doubled the Council Tax. DH had to provide proof that the property is on the market to get a refund and have the tax returned to it's previous amount. However, they were clear that this grace period only lasts 12 months and then it will be taxed as a second home.

Can he rent it out? He clearly doesn’t want to sell it. Not yet anyway.

On the plus side, every year he doesn't sell the house it probably increases in value so theres that.

Depending on where they are in the country, it may well be losing value.

Agree that this seems tied up with grief- if he's rejected a buyer for the wrong shoes and trousers combination then what he wants is not to sell, not to sell to the right buyer. You have done well to step back and I imagine at some point his siblings will lose patience. Is there not IHT to pay?

If it's a house that you'd consider living it at a future point then would it make sense to buy out the siblings then let the house out until you can move in? Obviously that doesn't address the underlying issues and perhaps the idea of tenants in the house would be unthinkable.

That's the issue - grief is complicated but he is wasting the time of so many people. EA and viewers and probably solicitors.

This was discussed by the agents last week he said he’ll have a think about it.

This was definitely a clause in the contract with our EA. I don’t think the EA will put up with it forever

Yes he’s aware of this. It is very close to approaching one year. Just frustrated as he’s had lots of offers some even above asking price but he just didn’t like the people

If he is an Executor he could even be acting illegally if an offer on or above the asking price was recieved and he turned it down

@NiftyRubyGoose I'm not entirely clear, so just want to confirm, the house in question does actually belong to him in full and his decision to sell it is entirely only up to him and it doesn't form part of the Estate, as it was signed over to him, so it's not holding up finalising the estate?

Not clear to me what the discussion with the lawyers and his brothers with his father there was actually for?

Is he the Executor of the will?

So its completely his house? Kindly I'd be approaching it as though he had a "hobby"
Who is paying for the upkeep, insurance and council tax?
If it was me and the expenses were coming out of joint finance, then I'd be talking about how much joint money is funding his "hobby" and whether its fair. If he is funding it entirely out of his own pocket and its not affecting the family finance or activity, then I'd let him get on with it.

I think renting it out would be even more problematic for him, the plaster needs to be ripped off if it's not going to be kept long term. He needs professional help to deal with this, but I doubt he's the sort to accept that.

Good luck OP, stay off the subject meanwhile, and hopefully he will come to his own conclusion sooner rather than later.

Does he need some grief counselling? Losing both parents so close together would be horrific and it seems to be making him cling to the house. Perhaps some counselling would help him relinquish control over the house.

He doesn't want to sell the house, he's not ready to let it go. That's very obvious. Agreed with whoever suggested renting it out.

I feel sorry for your husband. I had to sell my parents' house and in many ways I wish I hadn't. I still miss it. But he has to decide one way or another, of course. Either buy the siblings out or let it go. Is renting it an option? Then he could keep the property for a while at least until he's in a better frame of mind to sell - maybe never. And the rent could be divided between the siblings. Sooner or later the agents will get fed up with him as it's costing them money (and reputation) to keep taking clients to view when there's no reasonable chance of a sale. I also fear that if he does accept an offer, he'll pull out at the last minute, which is unfair to the buyer - that happened to me once with a reluctant seller. It cost me months of my time and a great deal of money on solicitors, surveys etc. Good luck OP!

But in 5 years time or even less the people he approves could sell and he’d know nothing about it. I feel for you OP so frustrating. Would the money make a difference at all can you spin it as get it sold we can have some fun/ benefit the kids. Does anything make him move on it??

There is absolutely NO WAY this will work.

If he's acting like an actual control freak over getting rid of bricks and mortar, do you really feel he's going to be relaxed about a) finding a tenant and b) letting any normal human enjoy 'his dads house' without his interference? What if they wanted a trampoline? Or bought crocs?!
I think he'd be a nightmare LL.

OP, I couldn't live like this, embarassed by my DHs openly rude, superior and judgemental behaviour, while waiting for the squatters to land. But admittedly I'm the least sentimental person ever and find the concept of 'dream homes' and 'forever homes' a big crock of cringe. I loved my old house, but my family makes it home.

If this level of controlling behaviour isn't normal for him, he needs help to deal with whatever is going on.

It can't be rented out, it would be unfair. It costs potential tenants money to go through credit checks and you'll be getting their hopes up, for your DH to reject them. Even worse if he chooses someone and then harassed them.

The house is actually his. His brothers didn’t want it as part of their inheritance because none of them want to live in it, nor deal with selling it and it’s a lot to take on, so they agreed that it would go to DH. This was discussed a lot time ago when his father was still alive.

They all had discussions with the solicitor about the inheritance and what was going to happen with the house and ultimately it was left to DH.

He is also the executor but the house itself belongs to him rather than being an estate asset that is waiting to be divided between the brothers. They did discuss that if it sold for a specific price DH will split a certain percentage between his brothers this was discussed with a solicitor too. So ultimately the decision to sell it is his.

The issue is that he does want to sell it but he seems to feel that because it’s his family home he should have some say over who buys it and is becoming increasingly particular about the people viewing it. That’s where all the arguments with the agents and sales negotiator steps from but the agents are still keen to work with my husband.

He hasn’t harassed anyone yet. I don’t think he’d go onto harass someone?

Did you think he'd be like this about selling a house though?