AIBU to think DH needs to step back from being so involved in the selling family home?

[NiftyRubyGoose]

AIBU for thinking DH needs to let go of the house?

DH has been trying to sell his parents’ house for just under a year now. It’s been in his family for generations and it’s his childhood home, so I do understand why it’s incredibly sentimental to him. His younger brothers aren’t as attached to it and basically just want it sold but DH is the eldest and since his dad passed away last year he’s pretty much taken control of everything to do with the finances.
We’ve had 12 offers, some even above the price so far but he has found a reason not to like pretty much every person who has viewed it.

I’ve actually removed myself from the whole situation now because I just can’t deal with the drama. We’ve had some genuinely lovely families come to view it but DH picks up on the smallest things.One man was wearing the “wrong shoes” with his corduroy trousers. Another family didn’t take their shoes off until DH asked them to. He just seems to decide that certain people aren’t the “right sort of people” for his parents’ house. Another man apparently couldn’t control his kids and they were badly behaved and that was off putting to my husband

He even started asking people to write letters explaining why they wanted the house and why they would be good people to have it.
Knight Frank have now had to speak to him about his behaviour and have asked him not to be there during viewings. He’s absolutely furious about this because he wants to see every person who comes through the door. He doesn’t want to just sell his parents’ house to anyone.

And I do understand that. I really do. This house has been in the family for a long time he grew up there and his dad only passed away last year so I can appreciate that selling it must be incredibly emotional for him.But at the same time, we’ve been trying to sell for nearly a year. His brothers just want it sold and I think DH has got himself into a position where he feels responsible for deciding who is “good enough” to take over the house.

I’ve told him that once you decide to sell a house you have to accept that you don’t get to choose the buyer based on whether you like their shoes, how they dress or whether they immediately take their shoes off or just things of that sort.

Hi father grew up in the house with 5 siblings, his fathers father grew up in that house too. It has been passed down for a long time and it’s time for it to to to another family. No point in us moving into it, our children are in primary and secondary school they’re settled in we’d have to move to a different area, find schools etc so essentially it can’t really be kept within the family. The same issue with his brothers, all of them have children who are in school can’t just up and move ti a new area.

AIBU for thinking he needs to step back and let the sales negotiators do their job, or should I be more understanding given the history of the house and everything that’s happened over the last year?

I've known a similar situation, the siblings said it was fine as they didn't want to upset their sibling who was clearly grieving and finding it difficult...it dragged on for years and they eventually all got less for the house than they would have done arket changes, lack of maintenance etc, people get twitchy when it hasn't sold for a while).

I'd tell him kindly that whilst you understand, his siblings patience will run out and the estate agents patience will eventually run out and then he may get to a situation where he has no choice at all. Not selling a house to someone with the wrong shoes is mental. There are a lot of people involved with this and he needs to be honest if he needs more time or isn't going to sell

He doesn't want it sold.

Agree with the poster on grief counselling. But interesting it was left to him with the history of staying in family.

Definitely counselling and hope you don't get squatters

Im surprised he can get away with it. I would have expected a penalty clause in the estate agent contract if he gets a genuine full price offer and then refuses to accept it.

The brothers have had majority their inheritances, still waiting on a few things but the house was left solely to husband. The brothers didn’t want to deal with the house. It’s an old house so things were changed before their father died but they all came to an agreement together with their father and a solicitor present.

They’re not bothered by the house they’re not involved they like to hear updates but have agreed with him that it needs to go to a “good family” they just don’t want to be involved in the logistics of it all.

YANBU. He clearly loved his parents and no one can ever be a good enough buyer, because they won't be a younger version of parents. It must be a special place to have so many offers in this market. Is there a way to say a final farewell to the house and then leave the agents to it?

He’s being ridiculous. Is he the executor or is it jointly with siblings?
If I was the brothers I’d be seriously pissed off and I’m also surprised the estate agents don’t have something in the contract they could pursue.

There’s been issues with KF but KF sales negotiator seems to want to continue working with us. They know the house will sell once DH stops acting like a child. It’s had a lot of interest. It’s ridiculous now because every time someone enquires about the house, KF does warn them about my husband and his antics.

You said he has decided to split it though so if he doesn't sell he has to go back on that!

The house is essentially his now. This was all sorted before his father passed and all the brothers were in agreement.

I think you might prepare for the possibility that he moves back into it alone and lives out his days with his great love crumbling around him, this really is very extreme behaviour OP.

I also don't think it's a coincidence that it was left solely to him, his father clearly knew him, and that he would be a safe pair of hands. What a double edged sword that was.

I think you have to accept he doesn't want to sell it at the moment and he needs to stop wasting everyone's time and admit that.

I think you only have a years grace of actively marketing a second property for sale before it then attracts the 100% premium council tax, ie you have to pay a double council tax on a second home. So it could start getting very expensive for your family!

Well, he gets the prize for being the strangest partner anyone's had on here!

I’d be furious if I was his siblings. He is being very selfish.

Yes they discussed the percentage with the solicitor and his father was present at the time. 3 of the brothers were POAs for their father.

He does realise that even if you moved into that house, you'd want to make changes to the house so that it didn't look like his old house, doesn't he? Anyone who moves into an old house will probably tear out the bathroom and kitchen for starters.

He’s not going to sell it.

if the brothers don’t care then ignore it.

He needs to watch out because the longer it's on the market, buyers might be put off and think there's something wrong with it. Also the longer it's empty there's the chance of something expensive going wrong for which it sounds like he will be solely on the hook.

YANBU to step back entirely. Grey rock, don't ask about it, if he tries to talk to you about it just say "mmm" or "gosh" or "sounds tough" or whatever.

This is insane behaviour! Is he like this in any other area of life?

Maybe he needs to reframe it in his mind... not that he is losing his childhood home and family history, but that its going on to be lived in and loved for a whole new family who will make their own memories in it. Theres nothing sadder than an empty house. And then consider what he could do with the money - improve your present home? Travel? Pay for your childrens education?? He needs to get over this ridiculous mental block. he sounds like a male Hyacinth Bucket! I think it would do him the world of good for you and the siblings to stop being so patient and nice and understanding and let him know that he's really being very silly and making himslef a bit of an object of disbelief and scorn.

I have the feeling that this isn't a three bed semi in Basingstoke...

Take it off the market and until his attachment wanes a bit the sensible option would be to rent it out. Although he might find fault with the way the tenants dress etc!

Yep I agree, he seems to need (professional) help to address the challenges he has coming to terms with the loss of his parents and his access to what was the family home - presumably a lot of what he feels makes him 'him'.

I think it's probably a job for a professional as I said, but have you tried gently asking him if his parents would rather the house was standing empty, or alternatively alive with the noises of a young family - as imperfect as their own actually was.

I think I would take a step back from it and not get involved at all. I would see it as his problem to deal with however he chooses. Not easy, but it would save you a ton of stress.

I have asked him if he wants to move into the house he says no. If the children were younger even I would move into the house but they’re 12, 10 and 7 so not ideal to move as the older one is at secondary school. Even he’s said that we can’t move because of the children’s schooling.