AIBU to prefer an all girls state secondary for my daughters?

[PlumCat23]

Aibu to want my daughters to go to an all girls state secondary with a very good reputation? It's where they would like to go too but dh has reservations. They are academic, sporty, outgoing girls so I feel they would thrive. Please tell me the pros & cons!

To add, I went to a mixed comp, the boys were no problem but some of the girls gave me hell. Nothing to do with male attention - i was a nerd - but teen girls can be very nasty.

110% agree. I found the boys more laid back, the girls are so competitive and clique like, certain appearance to fit in etc.

My DD is at an all girls (private - we’re not lucky enough to have that choice for state round here!). She wanted to go there - boys interrupt her learning apparently. I also went to an all girls. The key thing I think is that they’re not learning all the unspoken gender politics/norms so they become much more confident in speaking up etc.

Girls are no worse/better to each other in single sex or mixed - they’re all teens and teens can be vile to each other in any context.

Dds attended a very selective all-girls independent senior school.
Fine for dd1, but dd2 experienced what I’d call ‘little-bitchery’.

TBH a neighbour, whose older dd had gone there, told me it was a ‘bitchy’ school. IIRC her dd went somewhere else for 6th form.

I wished later that I’d sent dd2 to a local mixed independent where she’d also been accepted, but she’d wanted to go to the more ‘sought after’ school where her sister was.
You do what you think best at the time….🙁

In other words, some all girls schools are bastions of sisterly support for some girls. Others are hell on earth. Most can be either depending on tbe individual.

Some mixed schools are bastions of male entitlement. Others are laid back places where boys are generally respectful of the female students. Most can be either depending on the individual.

I had no problem from the boys in being good at maths and science in my mixed comp. I was endlessly bullied by some girls for not being fashionable.

I was at an all girls prep, all girls boarding then a female only college at university studying a male dominated subject (maths). I think that was maybe a bit extreme, but I did grow up with no issue with feeling inferior or second to boys.

I then went into a very male dominated company and had no trouble getting on with colleagues.

I do get cross about some counties having grammars and others not but I don’t think this is necessarily a North / South thing. Looking at the map that EBearHug shared, there are quite a few up north. And I think there are loads (about 65) in Northern Ireland. The main ones down in the south east seem to be in Buckinghamshire and Kent with a smattering in Essex and Surrey. It seems illogical that this is available in Kent but not Sussex (say).

Anyway, am conscious that I may be derailing the thread so will stop!

But there is no way to know if your relatives would have the same issues in a mixed school

Nobody has a crystal ball, but she had a terrible experience including her sister who was in an entirely different year; possibly a bad girls school, 🤷‍♀️ It shattered her confidence. They went to a mixed further education and no issues apart from one of them with boys.

The reason it's all so patchy is because the decision to get rid of the 11+ or not was left to the LEAs. Most went over to all comps, some kept a few grammar schools, a tiny number stayed as they were. It was decades ago. Middle class families whose children didn't pass the 11+ or who were ideologically opposed to selection were strongly in favour of comps, although that was usually the assumption that they would use streaming.

But you are speaking of grammar school, not single sex comprehensives.

Sone places there are plenty. London borough of newham for example has St Angela's, Sarah bonnel and Plashet

All are girls comprehensive schools

The thread has a few posts talking about grammar schools. The reason single sex schools are also common in some areas and not in others is also down to different policies and preferences in different LEAs.

You have you answer then! My mum taught in all different state schools and her favorite was an all girls one in an inner city. Mainly because the head was brilliant, the kids respected the teachers and it was a pleasant environment. I've only been to mixed and never had any issues. My dd at mixed has good friendships with girls and boys and finds boys are less complicated (girls often fall out with each other and can be bitchy) but also gets distracted by love interests 🙄