AIBU to prefer an all girls state secondary for my daughters?

[PlumCat23]

Aibu to want my daughters to go to an all girls state secondary with a very good reputation? It's where they would like to go too but dh has reservations. They are academic, sporty, outgoing girls so I feel they would thrive. Please tell me the pros & cons!

All girls schools make it easier to avoid gender stereotypes and for girls to study maths and science. So go for it.

I have 3 girls, all now adults. I chose girls schools for all 3 and have no regrets. My daughters agree.

Advantages of all-girls
-no boys dominating lessons (they honestly do take over)
-they don’t have to grow up as quickly & can still ‘play’ at lunch early on in secondary
-less disruption
-girls can take on more of a leadership role in school
-no upskirting
-no nasty comments about weight/looks

I am not sure what advantage there is to being alongside boys.

It’s really stereotypical to say all girls are bitchy - it’s not really true.

What do your daughters think?

Very against girls schools based on personal experience. Went to a mixed secondary in year 7 and had a good experience overall. Moved to a girls school from year 8 due to moving area. The girls school was very cliquey, lots of bullying (not so much the physical kind but was horrible to endure). Then the main point why I'm against is when I went to sixth form college I felt boys were like an alien species and didn't know how to communicate with them at all, would completely freeze up, really affected my confidence. This school did quite well academically so I wouldn't say it was the academic side but more things around it.
I just don't think it is healthy as doesn't represent the real world and society as a whole. My old school is actually under subscribed now despite being high achieving and I think it's some of the above that's puts people off.

Yeah, good luck finding one

Less objectifying and sexualisation of teenage girls

I went to a girls school and found it very hard to make friends with boys/men then and in later years. We had no frame of reference for boys apart from “boyfriends” and it definitely affected me in a negative way. Partly becoming obsessed with boys and partly not knowing how to speak to them apart from to flirt. I feel really sad about it actually

I am a teacher at a high performing all girls state school. Academically I find our girls are more confident in picking subjects and therefore thriving in subjects they may not have picked for being seen as too much of a masculine subject. But also girls are more willing to offer answers in lessons and dominate debate without boys there. There is less nervousness/ shyness and more confidence. We also find the girls stay “younger for longer” - examples- the girls like having picnics in their form rooms, or bringing in some crochet to do , or wearing a bag that is more child like eg Disney. That is quite nice to see to be honest. They can just be themselves.

Only thing that they do miss out on is boys - so when we take the girls on school trips and they see boys from another school , it’s like they’ve seen Johnny depp, quite embarrassing bless em!

I loved going to an all girls secondary school, it felt like a safe, mature academic environment. Girls have been shown to do better in maths, sport and the sciences without boys around to dominate and overshadow them. Forget what they say about "bitchy girls" all schools have cliquey groups (male and female) just teach your girls so stay away from the popular types - every school has them.

However, i did grow up with two brothers and also hung around a lot with my male cousins and their male friends. I did find that some girls who didn't have brothers/male friends outside of school were a bit delayed in being able to relate to men later on at university, leading to either shyness.. or completely going off the rails 🫣😆 i don't want to put too much emphasis on this like it was huge problem tho.

Generally more positives than negatives. Just make sure they get used to socialising with boys and girls out of school, like a youth club or cadets, etc.

I have taught in mixed comps and also single sex grammar. I went to a mixed comp. I chose mixed comp for my kids. I find this environment more relaxed, more representative of real life, and more fun. Although girls may perform better academically, it comes at too high a cost, and I didn't want my girls to think of school as an exam factory. I want them to enjoy their teenage hood and learn how to hold their own in any environment. I also want them to meet lots of wonderful boys, and not see boys as the enemy. I prefer teaching mixed groups too.

Mine are very happy at a girl's school. It does also perform better academically than the boys school and local mixed schools.

I also feel there is less pressure socially to "get a boyfriend". At the moment mine are not remotely interested in boys. I remember boys in my school commenting and laughing about each girl's chest size as we passed by in PE, also trying to look up skirts going up the stairs and similar, it was horrible and being a shy child I felt horrified by some of the things they did, and some of the girls sometimes showing off in front of boys and belittling other girls to them. So I am glad mine don't have to put up with that.

I know no school is perfect and there will always be problems in any school, but I would say it's the right choice of school for my DC.

I was all girls from 8 so don't know any different, but am definitely happy about it. I wouldn't ever consider co-ed personally as I've heard so many horror stories which would have been completely inconceivable at my school. I also had no idea there were supposed to be 'boy subjects' and 'girl subjects' until well into adulthood as it was as normal for a girl to be into physics and maths as English and sociology. I've certainly never felt on the back foot dealing with males, and have had many male friends. I have also heard significantly more women say they are jealous I went to all girls' school, than women saying they wish they'd been to co-ed.

I loved the one I went to. My daughter loves hers. I had a few friends have reservations about sending their kids but when they visited the school they immediately changed their minds. For our school it’s close to private education as you’re going to get in the state system. Most parents highly value the education there. Girls do better at STEM. Plus they also have some subjects that the mixed local schools don’t do like textiles and childcare. So a win all around.

But also for us one of the reasons we made the choice was just having more girls to be friends with. More choice of friendship groups. She has 29 girls in her form to make friends with rather than 14.

The irony of challenging the stereotype of bitchy girls, whilst simultaneously stereotyping boys

I grew up with brothers and went to a mixed school. Did not give me any special insight into the opposite sex at all, perhaps the opposite.

I have two girls at an all girls state school and I am really pleased with how they are getting on. I echo all the positive points already made. I’m also believe that there is bitchiness and cliques at all types of schools, it’s definitely not just an all girls school phenomenon.

My husband was unsure when we first looked around secondary schools but he could see within minutes of stepping inside the girls school what a different environment it is. Girls schools only have to focus on educating girls, it’s hard to explain how nurturing and beneficial this is to a girl’s confidence and experience.

We have non selective single sex comps near us. Oversubscribed. Racially mixed but predominantly Asian. Which is partly our area anyway but also school of choice for many wanting all girls or boys for own reasons. My DD would have hated it but if the boys one was more diverse I think my DS would have thrived at all boys.
I wasn’t interested in single sex selective state grammars & private wasn’t a sensible option as wanted to be able to fund uni etc

They want to go to the all girls school & I want them going, we are within the catchment. dh was worried that they would be missing out on socialising with boys which I already told him was ridiculous as they meet & are friends with boys from their extracurriculars. I have forwarded him on this thread. Many of the posts share my exact sentiments & I am so happy to read all the experiences bad & good (the majority of replies have been overwhelmingly in favour of all girls education)

We have one in our catchment area!

My dd went to a girls’ grammar - suited her very well. She’s a STEM type, it was really good for her. No problem at all with friendships be it with girls or boys.

Me too exactly this! Took me a long time to be able to have friendships with boys/men because I didn’t know how to relate to them and I never had any platonic male friends.

its the main reason why I would never send my girls to single sex school

It isn’t really stereotyping, though, is it? It’s true. Studies have shown (it’s taught in the A level sociology syllabus) that there are massive differences in teacher attention towards boys and girls and in verbal contributions from boys and girls, in mixed sex classrooms (the boys dominate both). There’s also evidence that boys dominate the recreational spaces, pushing girls to the edges or inside. And the government has a paper (linked upthread) about the problem of sexual predation and harassment in schools.

Sure it isn’t all boys, but it’s enough to be massively problematic.

Let’s face it, girls’ schools are actually a place where girls can exist, for six hours a day, outside of the patriarchal society. Why wouldn’t we want to give them that respite and that opportunity to operate with the freedom from it, if we possibly can?

”why wouldn’t we want to give them that?”
of course I see your points and agree with them to an extent.
however I also have strong reasons for rejecting single sex education and lots of people I know who were in single sex education have also rejected that for their children. It’s like all things in life, pros and cons to everything, but don’t think that there are no good reasons for co-ed because there are lots

I went to a mixed school but we were taught single sex. That was quite a nice mix. I did notice all my friends from all girls school were obsessed with boys. They would skip school to go meet boys and seemed far more interested in sex earlier.
But that's clearly not everyone. All the stats suggests it's far better for girls Academically. I'd just be making sure they had exposure to boys and encourage boys as friends so they don't become this strange forbidden fruit 🙈

My DD is at an all girls state secondary school. It's fantastic.

Please remember, teenage boys nowadays are often watching violent porn...no more sneak peek at a dirty mag like the old days.... We're talking properly disgusting misogynistic porn, whilst their brains are still developing and they have ever experienced a real relationship. So yeah I'll keep my DD as safe as I can thank you.