AIBU to prefer an all girls state secondary for my daughters?

[PlumCat23]

Aibu to want my daughters to go to an all girls state secondary with a very good reputation? It's where they would like to go too but dh has reservations. They are academic, sporty, outgoing girls so I feel they would thrive. Please tell me the pros & cons!

There's loads!

i went to one (state grammar) and never found mixing with boys was an issue but then I did out of school activities that were mixed. Single sex schools also tend to have joint events or activities with their equivalent boys/girls school. We mixed schools for some subjects at A-level and also had things like debating soc and senior orchestra that were mixed. We also used the same buses to/from school so saw male friends daily. I think girls only schools can be bitchy (but then you'd get that in a mixed environment too), there's less chance of disruption and girls are proven to be more involved in STEM subjects in a single sex environment.

None near me. Private over 1 hour away

I went to one in the Newcastle city centre which had a huge catchment.

Thats about 1 and a half hours away from me. Couldn't afford private and dont agree with it. No state single sex here.

I preferred a mixed school. It believe it gives balance and an education in itself.

Most of my DD friends are boys in school, they’re a nerdy group, enjoying dungeons and dragons etc. I preferred hanging with lads in school. I am women who generally prefers other women’s company so it wasn’t because I was a boy/girl.

I just didn’t gel with the girls in a school setting. I have more female friends than make nowadays.

That's weird they don't have some. In my area and surrounding ones there's plenty. You should be able to choose.

The state senior schools that people really want near me are all single sex - Elizabeth Garrett Anderson, Highbury Fields, Camden School for Girls (although I think we would be out the catchment for that one), Central Foundation.

People who fulfil the religious criteria and live more centrally want Grey Coat Hospital and St Marylebone for their girls.

Yikes, most of these did happen at my all girls high school.
Obviously no boys to dominate the lessons (pro!)
We never played at lunch. We played sports or sat in little groups or wandered around arms linked. Definitely no "playing". It was babyish.
Less disruption - I suppose I have nothing to compare it to, but we had plenty of "naughty kids" in the school who would disrupt lessons.
Upskirting did happen in a fashion. I mean when I was in early highschool most people didn't have camera phones, they came into the mass market while I was there. Girls were awful, taking photos over toilet cubicles, when getting changed for PE, if someone leaked on their period etc
I developed an ED from having my weight mocked in highschool.

Yes not all girls are bitchy, but with around 250 in each school year, that's a lot of girls and the bitchy ones sadly are often the loudest. Bullying was rife, but attainment was very high.

Also I always say you can always tell which young women went to an all girls highschool if you ever see them pull up their tights in public. We had absolutely no shame!

We’re a way off, but all girls state is what I’m considering for secondary for my DD. I’m typically against single sex ed but I hate what I hear about all the co ed schools around here and a friend of ours high up in education a while ago had his girls there so… seems like a good choice!

Coversely, majority of my family, friends and work colleagues went to single sex and most of their children are in single sex (mix of state, grammar and private). Some also in mixed, including one of mine.

I suspect whether you have the option of single sex state education will depend on where in the country you are and the policy for that area.

I went to single sex for secondary. It was a smallish town with a rural catchment, and there was no choice unless you went private.

We knew lots of boys because we'd been at school with them since primary. We saw boys on the school bus, at swimming club and other activities. We shared with the boys school for some things like drama productions and language exchanges. Half my 6th form lessons were st the boys school, because the only way they could run some A-levels was to share numbers.

Academically, I didn't hear stereotypes like "girls can't do maths," and the stats on girls doing more STEM subjects in single sex schools- we fitted in to that.

Yes, there was some bitchiness and there were different groups, but teenagers. You get bitchiness in mixed schools, too (and boys schools, they just don't call it bitchiness.) I wasn't really aware of bullying - that happened more in lower schools/school bus, IME.

I'm still friends with people from school, 36 years since we left. Had I had daughters, I'd have preferred single sex secondary for them. I now work in IT in a very male-dominated sector - I am literally the only woman in the room. I can communicate with them with few problems (certainly better than some men around here.)

But school choices still depend on the child and the school - what works well for one child won't work as well for another, even in the best schools. Outside of school - you might choose Guides, or you might choose something more mixed to counter the lack of boys at school. It's not just school where you meet people.

So my DN went to one and she had an amazing time. She’s at edi uni now doing really well! She has 5 siblings and 3 are girls and her sister really struggled there and had to be moved. It really depends on the kid.

My older niece is very confident and doesn’t take any bitchy shit, happy on her own and generally has never really given a fuck - so not really a target for bullying.

My younger niece isn’t really like that and she’s a bit more sensitive, can be led astray a bit and is sometimes awkward. Teenage girls smelled that like sharks and the poor girl got psychologically terrorised. I was bullied at school (mixed state comp) and it was all classic physical old school bullying, what these girls were doing to my poor niece was some CIA level psychologically operations. She’s happy now in mixed school thank god - but it is something to think about. People I know who went to all girls schools either had a great time or a terrible time, I’ve not seen much of a grey area. For me, I would probably give it a try under the assumption that if she was having a bad time I’d move her stat.

I completely agree. I went to a girls school and it was such an oasis away from boys jostling to dominate. And I say this as a mother to 3 boys, and a sister to two. I have no issue with boys, and I don't think we need to stereotype them at all. In fact the stereotype is part of the problem.

It's society which seems to think/expect boys should be loud, domineering and assertive, something that my elder brother and middle son also struggled with. The same studies which say that girls perform better in single sex schools also show that many boys do less well in single sex schools - for exactly the same reasons!

Example of North South divide. No grammars either

That's really bad that the choice is taken away from parents & children who really want a single sex state education for their child & can't afford private. I don't agree with it. I'm so glad we are not in your area & my daughters can have single sex education. Choice is so, so important in education.

I think if your girls want to go there its up to them really.Your DH isnt going!

There are two state girls schools in your area up in the North East! I already tagged you in the post about them. Why are you pretending otherwise?!

There are no single sex state schools in Scotland anymore. I think girls probably benefit from them, but it's no longer a choice here.

If its newcastle its an hour and a half away from me. Nearest grammar is Ripon 1 hour drive away.

That’s terrible. Very unfair.

My dds all went to a girls school, my ds to a mixed one. My ds did ok, just about, the girls got a great education and made friends for life, it was definitely the best option for them.

I've taught in all girls, all boys and mixed schools in my career and I found all boys the easiest and all girls the hardest, so toxic! It obviously depends on the schools I suppose, they were all state schools though.

I would say it depends on the child and how much interaction they have with boys already. You say your DD has boys in her extracurricular activities so that helps. I went to a single sex secondary school. I had a large group of mixed sex friends outside of school so it suited me but some of the girls in my school didn’t and were obsessed with the boys from the school across the road

But it's still in the north ,you claimed there were no single sex girls state schools in the north when in fact there's two. There is the one in Newcastle & also a state all girls in Sunderland.