AIBU to prefer an all girls state secondary for my daughters?

[PlumCat23]

Aibu to want my daughters to go to an all girls state secondary with a very good reputation? It's where they would like to go too but dh has reservations. They are academic, sporty, outgoing girls so I feel they would thrive. Please tell me the pros & cons!

Oh the other thing is the curriculum is designed in a very feminist way- so for example if they are studying a historical era they'll focus on some key women (who are often not the stars of the curriculum), look at gender stereotypes in English literature etc etc. And no one is wondering if the boys are interested in it

Both my dd went to a state girls school. The oldest chose it over the mixed school near by because and I quote her age 11. " The boys mess about upset the teachers and stop us learning" Both loved it and did well both academically and socially. The school always had 10 - 15 girls doing A level.physics and high take up.of Chemistry and Biology. The last mixed secondary taught in didn't have a single girl take physics for 6 years. Both my girls went to out of school activities and had plenty of male friends.

Thanks for all the replies, I'll get my husband to read them!

I went to an all girls senior school. There were a lot of positives, but I would say it’s really important to mix with boys in extra curricular stuff, especially if they don’t have brothers. Lots of the girls were completely unable to talk to boys- either painfully shy around them or were absolutely obsessed with them.

My dd chose a girls’ school (despite having lots of male friends in primary) and it’s been fantastic for her. She says she doesn’t see any bullying. When she started, she said it was amazing that they never had to work in silence, and in discussions nobody was shouting. I think that was the biggest thing for her, at least at first, how calm and quiet the lessons were without boys. She’s about to start Y11 and it has been a really positive experience, she’s confident, the classes get to have interesting discussions, they get feminism, as pp have said, it’s very relaxed without the boys and they feel very free and confident.

She did martial arts for a while and had a boyfriend from there, now she has a job and works with boys, so there are plenty of opportunities to socialise with boys- but her days are free of self consciousness and the sexualisation that girls increasingly have to go through in mixed schools. As well as the calmer atmosphere.

Statistically, girls do better in girls’ schools, and they are also less gendered when choosing post-16 courses, so more likely to choose physics and other STEM than they are in mixed schools.

single sex schools are much better than mixed. I’ll die on that hill. Don’t regret it for one second

but ultimately depends on your child. If sporty, absolutely 100% single sex. If into science, 100% single sex

if musical or more humanities based, I don’t think it is as important.

I went to an all girls and my dd will 100% go all girls.
Statistically thry do better academically at single sex

I was also horrified by the stories a few of my friends "me too" stories that happened at coeds schools...

I think that in general it is better for girls and young women, though there will be schools where that is an exception.

My DD14 goes to a non selective girls secondary with a really good academic record. There is a boys school in the same academy group although the results are not so good. There are several girls grammar schools not that far away from us although she’s not actually that academic. She has a really great group of friends who are all lovely girls.

I was pretty keen for her to go to this school because of the academic record but also because we liked the feel of it when we viewed it versus the local co-ed school. I also worked in Child protection in London and am
aware of many child sexual exploitation cases involving boys in schools ( including rapes on school premises ) and I’m quite happy to kick that can down the road as far as safety and managing male behaviour goes.

My dd is currently in an all girls secondary school. When we went to all the local secondary school open nights this school totally impressed us and seemed 100% the best fit for her. A lot of her school friends immediately dismissed it due to it being all girls but I can honestly say we are blown away with how good the school is. She is absolutely thriving especially in maths and science which had never been her strong areas.

Absolutely this for me too

I went to an all-girls state secondary. It was good for me. There was no competitiveness over boys, no pressure to impress them, no fighting to have your voice heard (girls tend to be quieter in mixed classes, boys tend to dominate). I didn't experience bullying or cliques and my lessons were never disrupted by poor behaviour. I had a nice group of friends. I did go to a mixed sixth form though and I did find it hard to talk to boys. I was very nervous around them. But you grow out of it quite quickly. And there are plenty of ways to meet boys outside of school. If I had the option I would probably send my DD to one. (I would not, however, send my DS to a single sex school!)

I went to an all girls comp in London in the 80s and loved it. I still have a group of 8 friends that I met there that speak daily on our WhatsApp group and see each other regularly. There was a lot of parties where we met boys for socialising and pubs (nobody checked ids in the 80s!). All of my friends had/ have partners and most had children. I moved from that school into a very male dominated degree course and was perfectly able to talk and socialise with them. This idea that girls will never meet anyone of the opposite sex if they go to a girls school is just not true if they do anything else outside of the home.

I have two sons and they both went to a boys grammar and have had zero problem finding girlfriends and socialising with girls generally.

I went to an all girls state secondary in the 90s so obviously things were different, no social media etc but it was great in retrospect, we never had any of the bitchy ness and bullying outside of what you’d expect with teenage girls and no boys to worry about.

it did make going to a mixed sixth form a challenge (my achool had no sixth form) but I am still very good friends with some of the boys I met there, so it’s not always guarantee it will make socialisation difficult.

on the point about no knowing any, there are actually very few in the north east. The only one County Durham was private and just closed. There are also some in Newcastle but if you lived here you wouldn’t necessarily know any if you didn’t look into it (I grew up down south where I lived in walking distance of two state girls schools and one selective but not fee paying catholic girls school) it is one of my regrets it’s not an option for my own daughters

I teach in one, OP. From what the girls report back from college/later life, they are much more willing to speak up in lessons and are surprised by how quiet most of the girls from other schools are in discussions and lessons. I believe they make girls much more confident and able to stand up for themselves, something that I think helps women in general in navigating relationships with men.

There can be some interpersonal issues, but not more than in mixed schools in my experience. They meet boys outside of school in clubs and their local community. They're not locked away from boys forever!

I went to an all girls school and absolutely hated it, the girls were bitchy and cliquey and consequently when I started a mixed sixth form it took me ages to become comfortable around boys. That was just my own experience so I’m sure there’ll be lots more positive stories out there!

He says girls won’t be used to boys or know how to mix with them.
But girls don’t need to be taught how to mix with boys. If anything, it’s the other way around tbh! But that's not a girls responsibility.

Girls will spend much of their adult lives navigating a world where men still hold a disproportionate amount of power, influence and, let's face it, grim behaviour. Why not give them a confident start instead? Give them the experience of being listened to, being important, taking the lead and knowing what it feels like to be number one. Surely that has value?

I went to secondary school in London and single sex state schools are common here. I just went to my nearest comp and it was a girls school. It wasn't oversubscribed and it wasn't academically strong, it was just convenient and was OK with behaviour.

As a parent my dds go to an all girls prep and they will probably go to an all girls secondary (but probably private). I wasn't particularly keen on an all girls primary but in our area a lot of the best schools are single sex, and the academics are most important to me.

Personally as an adult female I don't relate well to men tbh but I don't know how much that is related to my schooling - I think it's part of my personality really and I would have been the same in a mixed school.

I went to a state girls grammar.

If I had the choice I'd send my dds to a girls school, I think dds commonly do better in single sex environments.

I went to a single sex comp in the 1980s. I had female teachers for science subjects etcetc. I did very well there. Would recommend.

Girls can still be 'rough' and violent but overall i think girls benefit.

Experienced secondary teacher here - I would send them to the all girls.

I went to an all girls state secondary in the 1980s and I would highly recommend it.

As it happens I taught for 4 years in the 90s and I was horrified by the way the boys dominated classes, speaking over the girls and bringing the level down. You couldn’t get the girls to speak, and when they did they had so much more to contribute.

I feel really sorry about what my daughters have to put up with at mixed school - so much emphasis on makeup, short skirts and boys. There are half the number of girls to be friends with in the class so if you have friendship issues it’s much worse.
One boy actually called my daughter a bitch one day and she saw this as entirely normal.

I am just so glad I got the opportunity to
learn in peace without silly girls pandering to the boys and I notice that it gave me a pretty strong sense of my own right to be heard, earn money etc.

I would not have said this aged 18, but now I think it was the best thing.

I went to an all girls school and it was the best thing. We were able to develop into adults without being overshadowed by boys. We socialised with boys outside of school and were all normal in that respect but I’m so glad I didn’t have to go to school with them. I much prefer female company.
My friend went to a mixed school and was adamant she wanted her DD to go to one until she got a teaching job at an all girls school and changed her mind completely. Also my school was a state one - they are out there but sadly more rare these days.

I’m also going to add that I don’t really know why a man thinks he would know better on this one…

It's all relative surely. I went to both an all girls (y7-9) and mixed (y9-11) and HATED the all girls school. It was so bitchy and bullying was rife as a result. Loved the mixed school, didn't want to leave. My impression of single sex schools made me explicitly against them for my own children, but my experience isn't the same for everyone. My sister went to the same girls school as me a few years earlier and had a brilliant time.