AIBU to prefer an all girls state secondary for my daughters?

[PlumCat23]

Aibu to want my daughters to go to an all girls state secondary with a very good reputation? It's where they would like to go too but dh has reservations. They are academic, sporty, outgoing girls so I feel they would thrive. Please tell me the pros & cons!

Appreciate all the replies. I wasn't aware that there were so little single sex state schools. We have one in our catchment & I know of two others within 20km of us.
They must be doing something right as all are massively oversubscribed.

In fairness, those are both Catholic. If that poster is not Catholic she may never have considered either - the high performing Catholic / CofE schools near me have a mad points system so my children wouldn’t have been eligible.

I went to a mixed comprehensive and I would not say that it made me better able to mix with boys. The cool, popular girls did but I wasn’t cool or popular. The pool of girls to be friends with was halved and there was plenty of bitchiness (often in front of the cool, popular boys - a whole world of horror).

My children go to single sex schools (my son will have girls join when he goes into the Sixth form). It’s great so far. My daughter’s school, in particular, is relaxed in ways that my school wasn’t. As long as they are doing something “active” they can wear games kit that day - this means they can pretty much wear games kit every day because the teachers turn a blind eye. The girls are doing just fine so there’s no need to enforce rules for the sake of rules.

I also went to all girls schools from 7 -16. However had many boys as friends.

Sounds like a plan! As long as like you said they interact with boys outside of school.

Take it with both hands.

dd went to an all girls secondary. She enjoyed it but was ready to mix with boys at 6th form. I think there was bitchiness and bullying but hopefully she didn’t get involved.
As it was single sex it was popular with the Indian and Chinese girls and they dominated the top sets. Lots of tutoring going in there too apparently. My daughter was one of the few white girls in top sets maths.
But I do think lack of boys at school stopped her being distracted but them in class.

I went to an all girls' school from 11 to 18. It was great. I married at 21 and we are still married now, well over 40 years later, so clearly it didn't hinder my ability to form a relationship with a man! I don't remember that being an issue at all. I wonder if it makes a difference that I had a brother and male cousins, and did meet boys through the church and its associated youth club. I can see that if a girl didn't have any young male relatives or family friends and only did single-sex extra-curricular activities that it might be trickier later on.

The poster said she worked in education in that particular region so that's why I'm surprised she wasn't aware state girls school existed as she claimed there are none!

Thanks for your reply, our minds are made up! Excited for the dd!

Exactly. Plus, dismissing the experiences of those who didn't enjoy attending an all-girls school into the bargain.

Our local one which we will be applying to has a lot of Asian families, mainly Chinese & Indian as you say. My middle dd plays cricket & we got chatting to some of the families about the girls secondary & they absolutely love it, their girls are thriving & the school extends the curriculum. They said a very positive atmosphere with no bad behaviour or disruption in class. Neighbours daughter also attends & reports the same.

I went to a all girls school I hated it! Girls are worse than boys ☹️ I left before the end of the first year girls are clique bitches that will gang up on a girl they don't like and they are the worst bullies you'll meet

I think you had a very bad experience

certainly wasn’t my experience and that of anyone I know.

My dd went / is now in the sixth form of an all girls state secondary and she’s really loved it and thrives there.

Its a really supportive atmosphere and the girls have the benefit of not worrying whether they’re being judged by boys all the time.

I was a bit nervous about sending her having been to a mixed state school myself but it’s been noticeable how the “bitchiness” that people sometimes attribute to girls schools is largely absent - it’s less “bitchy” (sorry to use that word but it’s what people say) than a mixed school as it seems that exists because of the presence of boys and the need some girls feel to impress them.

Edit - our school is in South London if it helps at all

Yes that's true. It appears that girls are a good influence. Who knew?

I went to a selective all girls school, in the mid 80s. Started a year later due to moving house. Difficult as friendships established but omg the girls were bitchy. I was bullied especially in the first couple of years.

Not my experience or my daughter's.

That doesn’t make this poster’s experience any less valid.

FWIW I was terribly bullied in a mixed school, both mentally and physically by girls. Esoecially by the bitchy clique.

Never seen it listed as a reason not to send a girl to a mixed school. Nasty girls will be in all schools.

No, but if the OP reads the whole thread she will see that the women whose experience was that there was a lot of cliquiness and bullying are very much in the minority.

Hurrah!

If it’s Denmark Road be very wary. Everyone I know has had a terrible experience there.

I went to an all girls school and so did my daughter (different one to me) and we both loved it. There at least two single sex girls state schools in our area and neither and neither are grammar.
If it makes a difference, we both did STEM A-levels, no perception of “boys’ versus girls’” subjects and no being the only or one of few girls in a male-dominated classroom.

My DD (15) goes to an all-girl grammar school and it's been a very mixed experience. The school has an excellent reputation and has just had a brilliant Ofsted report, yet our personal experience of it has been far from great. In my opinion, it's actually not that great at teaching, organisation or even ethos but they ride on the success of the very bright kids who go there.
Socially, year 7 was really tough, some kind of girl drama every day. Nowadays, my DD is a bit sad she doesn't have a BF. Her friends who went to the local comprehensive (also a good school, mixed sexes) all have some kind of boy interest/crush/BF. My DD does a drama club and there's a bunch of boys there but apparently they're mostly gay, so they make brilliant friends but that's it.
If I could go back, I'd try to get my daughter into the local school and let her live a more balanced life.
Having said all that, academically she's absolutely smashed it and has the work ethic, attitude and vocabulary of a 20 year old. People can't believe she's only 15. So maybe not being around boys has been beneficial as there's been less distraction and more focus on her work.

Agree with this

Most adults i know who attended girls' schools didn't select it for their children

My DD attended mixed sex and is so much more comfortable around boys than I was

No not that school, tbh I have never heard of it. But thanks for the heads up!