AIBU to have the ick over this?

[InconsiderateBoyf]

I'm in what some would consider a long term relationship. Been with my boyfriend a few years. Don't live together, each have one child similar ages, rarely spend time all together with the children too, just due to busy lives (I work weekends)

So this weekend we went to a large park which also has deer there...on entry I'd bought both our children animal feed, so they could feed the deer.
A short while after, boyf goes into the little shop and reappears with ice creams... initially I thought he'd bought us all one, then noticed there was only two.
Great I thought, he's bought both our children one...but no! He'd bought himself and his child one, no fucks given whatsoever about my child.

Now, I don't expect handouts. But these ice creams were £1 each. But it's more the fact he didn't consider my child.

I think it was a bit of a realisation at how selfish this man can be and has made me reconsider our whole relationship, to be honest.

AIBU to be so peeved by this? It has given me the serious ick.

Massively off putting. What a tight git.

That would be a big red flag for me and a goodbye.

Fuck no. He‘d eat one himself over giving a child one.

Fuck. What am I doing!!
I need to meet someone that's as generous and thoughtful as I am, don't I...!!

Looks like the strawberry ice cream that broke the camels back to me .... 🍦

I'd deffo have the ick !
It's thoughtless and mean !!!
It's like U going shop.and buying yourself and ice cream and not your child throw this one back
So many nice chaps out there ,!!!

nope not autopilot hes already shown a pattern, hes never bought your child so much as a card? yet you buy his kids gifts, dump him, dont teach your child that you would put up with a man that doesnt put her on at least an equal footing

I have the ick on your behalf.
He's really shown himself to you. Please, please believe him.

Oh I would so dump him for that. Even if I was out with a mate and their kids, I'd buy the kids an ice cream. Who is thoughtless enough to leave a child out and you as well!!

In the words of Ariana grande. “Thank you, next”
What a vile piece of shit.

You don’t like his living standards and talk as if he’s beneath you. Maybe he picks up on this and wants out. He might not want your child to start seeing him as a father figure so is distancing himself. Or maybe he’s a tight hit. But I wouldn’t want to date a grown adult who talks about “the ick”. End it and find somebody who meets your standards.

You've been together for a few years so has this not come up before or is this new behaviour?

That's what the majority of Mumsnet is now, people nit-picking to feel superior. This poster actually chose to ignore the OP saying on entry I'd bought both our children animal feed, so they could feed the deer just so she could let everyone 'know' that she's oh so superior in her knowledge.

My friends don’t even get their kids things when we are together without asking or getting all of them, really poor behaviour

Shit. I’ve bought loads of ice creams for kids not related to me over the years.
do they all think of me as a father figure now??

You and your child deserve better ❤️

I would buy everyone in my group an ice cream. Family, friend or acquaintance. So that to me Is just bizarre that he would not even give you both a thought.

I can't believe you're sticking up for a man who was cruel to a child just because he may 'want out'.

Where have I talked as if he's beneath me?

I have no doubt he wouldn't want to live with me either, we both like our own space.

My child has a present and attentive father, they don't need another.
What I do want is someone that considers my child and doesn't do things that excludes them, right in front of them.

The reality is that this man could be my child's step-dad IF we lived together and married. But he won't be, because if he behaves like this towards my child currently, he doesn't deserve that right.
If that means he's beneath me, then so be it.

His child is incredibly lucky to have me in his Dad's life: I am caring, considerate and inclusive. I treat them as I treat my own child. And frankly, I expect the same because my child deserves to be considered too.

I need to know what his reaction was to your dismay though.
Did he rush back in to buy your child a lolly?

That’s really shocking. But I’m also dismayed at your comment you need to find someone as generous and thoughtful as you. Um you’re just behaving with basic decency, no one would describe it as generous and thoughtful. Just normal. It’s just he is so mean and selfish he lacks basic decency

but you are justifying it, saying it was thoughtlessness. It wasn’t. If it was he’d have immediately said, shit sorry let me go get you one, I don’t know what I was thinking

he didn’t, because it wasn’t thoughtlessness, it was he didn’t want to buy your kid an ice cream, so he didn’t get you one either so it was just your kid left out.

Surely if you have been together for a few years you would have noticed this stinginess! Maybe he just wasn’t thinking and this was a genuine error on his part.

If I was with friends I would buy the ice cream, I bought 7 the other day when we were out for the group! Never mind a step child situation!!

This ^. If I'm out with my daughter and a friend with children, I'd also buy for their children (and offer to buy for my friend!) Awful.

And I agree with a PP. I don't think buying a child a cheap ice-cream, when giving your own child one is worthy of 'father of the year'.

And if he wants to distance himself, he can use his big boy words and fuck off, can't he!
Don't exclude my child and act like a dick just to play games.

Even if I was with a friend and her child, I would offer their child an ice cream. You are not being unreasonable at all. It says a lot that they just tuck in to their ice creams whilst you and your child presumably just watch!