AIBU to have the ick over this?

[InconsiderateBoyf]

I'm in what some would consider a long term relationship. Been with my boyfriend a few years. Don't live together, each have one child similar ages, rarely spend time all together with the children too, just due to busy lives (I work weekends)

So this weekend we went to a large park which also has deer there...on entry I'd bought both our children animal feed, so they could feed the deer.
A short while after, boyf goes into the little shop and reappears with ice creams... initially I thought he'd bought us all one, then noticed there was only two.
Great I thought, he's bought both our children one...but no! He'd bought himself and his child one, no fucks given whatsoever about my child.

Now, I don't expect handouts. But these ice creams were £1 each. But it's more the fact he didn't consider my child.

I think it was a bit of a realisation at how selfish this man can be and has made me reconsider our whole relationship, to be honest.

AIBU to be so peeved by this? It has given me the serious ick.

I wouldnt expect anyone to buy me and my child one but its more rude than anything. He could have just said we are going to get icecreams do you both want one? Let's go together.

Definitely rude

That’s what I thought. Probably hoping to start a huge derail !! And it’s the park actually selling the deer feed so if that’s so dangerous surely they’re setting themselves up for a law suit if someone is injured.

It's not a "courtesy" to treat children equally.

He’s teaching his own child to be selfish too.

Very thoughtless to exclude any child. I would ask him why, just in case there is a valid reason. If there isn't one, it speaks volumes about him.

I would have the ick. 🤢
Someone once told me, when it comes to fellas, you cannot change a stingy man, nor can you change a lazy one.

Toss him back and chalk it up to experience. 💯
Not all fella's are like this, there are gems out there 💎

You deserve better. Kick him back. It's not going anywhere and your child is far more important. They will recognise his miserly traits.

I've read your other posts but came back to this one. Once you've been in one abusive relationship then you are more likely to end up in another (and again) unless you do some serious work on yourself. The Freedom Programme is designed to show you where you lack boundaries and why you miss the red flags so you can become a stronger person who won't accept anything less than a decent, supportive and caring partner. I know you said you have a therapist but I would seriously recommend you do this programe as well. Look for it online.

Your first massive red flag was him not even giving a card for dc's birthday or Christmas after you'd bought his dc a present.

Where are you that ice creams are a pound?! They're all 3.50 up even for a so called 99 here! But aside from that, yes, at best thoughtless, at worst mean. Get rid.

Wow, he completely clueless. Id be the same as you and buy them both an ice cream and at least ask if your child would want one. I guess he doesn't have rhe same view of your "family unit" that you do.

There is no point in pursuing a relationship with such a thoughtless and mean man. It tells you what he is like and it’s a huge warning of miserable sniping about every penny in the future. Plus it is a shitty way to treat a child. It would be a deal breaker for me.

Yuck. Any kids in my company would be offered ice cream. All or nothing.

Be peeved away.

I have seen this kind of pettiness with previous partners and the only thing I regret is staying for longer thinking things could change.

What I think you are finding upsetting is that you are accommodating his child and treating them as equal to your kid by buying things for them as well, while your partner cannot even begin to consider your child or notice what you are doing for his.

It is just a fucking ice cream but a big sign. I’m sure that if you tell him he will apologise and buy one for you and your kid but… it is a big, big red flag. Now that your eyes are open, you will start noticing these more.

This is a rarity here too.

It wasn't an ice-cream van..last time I used one of those a '99 was closer to £4!

It was a very basic lolly..but I agree, unusual to be so cheap! But this place rips you off on entry, parking and deer feed, so they definitely make their money...!

That's vile behaviour! Put him in the bin.

What a tight rude bastard. I’d cut all ties with this one.
It’s a good thing that he’s shown you who he really is, and now you can move onwards and upwards without him.

How is not mortified my god, the shame

“Someone once told me, when it comes to fellas, you cannot change a stingy man, nor can you change a lazy one.”

I have learnt this is very true no matter how good they can be with you or your children. It comes a point that you realise that both stinginess and laziness will put you and your kids’ financial stability in danger. Men who are lazy and stingy become a very hard load for a woman and they don’t even
notice the effort that goes into it as laziness and stinginess come always alongside a lot of entitlement.

It's not even that you'd consider yourselves a "family unit" - if I were out with children (and I have none of my own), I'd buy them all an ice cream. It's unkind to buy for one and not the other.

WTF! Even if I am with FRIENDS and their kids I would get all of the kids if mine wanted.

I would have hit the roof there and then and called him out on it. I would end this relationship now, I hate tight cunts and the fact it was my child he was greedy with, would make it even worse for him. I’d be dumping him and I’d also be telling him why. I’m fuming for you.

Immediate dump! Selfish twat!

Just rude, stingy behaviour. This is who he is OP, he won't change, and I think you know what you have to do, for the sake of your child and also for you.

I am a bit puzzled why it's taken you years to find this out about him though. At least you have been cautious and didn't move him in or have him around your DC much.

@InconsiderateBoyf

Total ick from me. I would buy any child who was with me, not withstanding whether I was shagging their parent the same as my kids. Always have, even on extortionate days out to Legoland and Alton Towers.

My DH [or his friends I’ve noticed one recent days out they’ve taken my 18yo on) would absolutely NOT buy our kids an ice-cream and then not buy for others with us, either, so it’s not a man v woman thing, in case anyone suggests it.

Selfishness and thoughtlessness are a real turn off in any friendship for me. It always speaks to the substance of the person and manifests in other ways as the relationship develops.

Dump him and be thankful you havent lived together. Pure thoughtlessness and a bit selfish on his part.