AIBU to have the ick over this?

[InconsiderateBoyf]

I'm in what some would consider a long term relationship. Been with my boyfriend a few years. Don't live together, each have one child similar ages, rarely spend time all together with the children too, just due to busy lives (I work weekends)

So this weekend we went to a large park which also has deer there...on entry I'd bought both our children animal feed, so they could feed the deer.
A short while after, boyf goes into the little shop and reappears with ice creams... initially I thought he'd bought us all one, then noticed there was only two.
Great I thought, he's bought both our children one...but no! He'd bought himself and his child one, no fucks given whatsoever about my child.

Now, I don't expect handouts. But these ice creams were £1 each. But it's more the fact he didn't consider my child.

I think it was a bit of a realisation at how selfish this man can be and has made me reconsider our whole relationship, to be honest.

AIBU to be so peeved by this? It has given me the serious ick.

He's a W⚓️

What a complete tosser. I hope you said something to him.

2 years is a long time for you to be generous with his child whilst he ignores yours.

I think some people are being deliberately obtuse.

The problem is his selfishness being an automatic thing. I cannot ABIDE selfishness and tightness. But more than that, who does that to a little child??

Even if he hadn't thought (which is a problem) he didn't make any attempt to rectify it!

The ick is your monkey brain telling you something that your human brain tries to explain and rationalise away. This isn’t a big offence but you’ve noticed it - I expect there are lots of other very small ways in which this man is ungenerous and they don’t really register with your conscious brain.

Don't waste another minute of your life with this twat.

Ebenezer Scrooges’s tighter/meaner younger brother!!
This is who he is and he can’t change - he might try but he really doesn’t care enough for you or your child I’m afraid.
It would be a game changer for me too.

"Since we've been together, I have bought his child gifts for birthday and xmas (although I wasn't there to give them myself)... he's never bought my child a card or present for an occasion"

So you are, or have been in the past, ok with someone treating your child like this? Put the child first, please. Get rid.

As many others have said, I would have bought all kids who were part of the group ice creams. Whatever your financial situation you cannot not buy a kid in your group an icecream and buy one for the other!! If is is just auto-pilot, it is even worse - my autopilot would be the opposite! My DP is more frugal than I am, and earns less, but no question of treating my kid like this. And, if he had, the relationship would not have any legs. Maybe it is time to call this one to a close. Seems like this isn't the only issue either, but even if it were, it would be a big one.

No when it comes to kids u treat em all

HRTHT. I will do, but I just had to quickly say, no, no, noooo, you don't do that to a child. That is plain wicked and breaks the ultimate adult/kid law there is! Shame on him.

Part of me wonders whether he passed these presents off as being from him!
@InconsiderateBoyf did the child ever thank you for gifts you gave them?

Sorry he turned out to be such a looser. Dump him and hopefully you find a kind caring partner.

I had this situation last week. (No children involved). If I were not prepared to treat the whole group I would not buy any.

I shudder to imagine the money I spent on ice-creams and ice-pops when my kids were younger.

Every child out playing on the road was given one. It's how we all did it here, and how everyone I know does it.

I wonder if he’s a tight wad down the pub with his mates? Never buys a round. Disappeared to the gents when glasses get emptier?

How could he let your kid stand there watching his kid eat an ice cream? That’s just …. words fail me.

Ditch him, ditch him asap. Let us know how the ditching process goes!

Good point! @Moonnstarz

That’s awful- did d you dump him as soon as you arrived home? What was his response?

I want to know this too…..

It took a while before he was dumped. It was gradually becoming apparent that he was on the autism spectrum (apparently unsuspected by his entire family despite it being screamingly obvious to everyone else) so I cut him a lot of slack for things that I ought to have pulled him up on immediately. But it was this utter lack of any caring about the fact that I was hungry, because HE was all right so everything was hunky dory, that put another nail in the coffin because it was really not a decent way to behave.

Dump him!!!

We tend to excuse men as thoughtless. It's really more about set attitudes.

Ew. I even treat my friends kids better than this

He didn't really say much atall, just kinda looked awkward and offered me a bit of his one (which i declined)

Op, ice cream or no ice cream there is something you need to consider:

1. you already know is not someone you want to have closer in your life
2. You don’t want to live with him
3. You don’t want to merge finances
4. You know he is a taker more than a giver.

Why are you allowing him to continue to block the space someone better could fill? You may not have been very clued up about him when this started 3 years ago but you are now… let him go, no need to waste more time on him, time to move on.