AIBU to have the ick over this?

[InconsiderateBoyf]

I'm in what some would consider a long term relationship. Been with my boyfriend a few years. Don't live together, each have one child similar ages, rarely spend time all together with the children too, just due to busy lives (I work weekends)

So this weekend we went to a large park which also has deer there...on entry I'd bought both our children animal feed, so they could feed the deer.
A short while after, boyf goes into the little shop and reappears with ice creams... initially I thought he'd bought us all one, then noticed there was only two.
Great I thought, he's bought both our children one...but no! He'd bought himself and his child one, no fucks given whatsoever about my child.

Now, I don't expect handouts. But these ice creams were £1 each. But it's more the fact he didn't consider my child.

I think it was a bit of a realisation at how selfish this man can be and has made me reconsider our whole relationship, to be honest.

AIBU to be so peeved by this? It has given me the serious ick.

You dont seem to be getting much out of this relationship. Send him on his way!!

You've known him a few years, is this what he's usually like?

The combination of meaness and thoughtlessness would be a total no for me.

Yes I mentioned it and he then offered me a bit of his one...but purely only because I'd made a comment about it.
I then told my kiddy that I'd get them one at the end after they'd fed the deer (and I did)

I guess I was just so taken aback at the selfishness of it.
I've been fortunate to have been around people that would ask others if they want anything, if they themselves were heading into a shop, so this was quite a contrast to what I'm used to and has shocked me tbh.

I wouldn't dream of handing my child a treat and not including his child. They were stood less than a metre apart.

Wow what a gent! Even if I were just out with a friend and not my partner and their child I'd still get everyone an ice cream, especially if they were £1.

What did you say at the time? That must've been awkward for your child

I had just bought his child some deer feed.

That's even worse! It doesn't sound like behaviour I'd expect in a long term relationship and incredibly selfish/immature

Well he's certainly not generous.
He's not entirely selfish, but he is thoughtless.

Think I am just more annoyed by this because it was my child that was not considered and I know I wouldn't treat his like that.

Which just makes it all the worse!

He’s a dick!! Who just effs off into the shop, without a word & buys ice creams for themself & their kid when they’re on a day out with other people - ESPECIALLY when those other people are their girlfriend and another CHILD??!! It’s more than thoughtlessness. I would have had words immediately & been shitty with him for the rest of the day, cutting it short as soon as possible.

Being stingy and thoughtless behaviour in others, is a turn off in general. On one hand, he may have thought allergies or just unsure. But a simple call "hey I'm getting some ice cream- would you both like one or something else."

I would genuinely reconsider my relationship over this.

Being stingy towards a child is shocking.

The fact that he didn’t even tell you he was buying them says it all.

Imagine what would happen if you eventually lived together - how can he not even consider your child.

I was fully with you up until “ kiddy”.

I can't imagine a situation on a day out with someone that I'd buy an ice cream for one child of the group and not another. If I couldn't afford for all children, I wouldn't get one for any.

It's not even like he couldn't afford two ice creams, as he got one for himself.

Not surprised you got the ick.

That would have annoyed me too, he’s meant to be someone who has your back, a couple of years isn’t a short relationship.
If I was out somewhere with anyone spending time, if I was getting something for my child I would offer to get one for the other child.
Sounds pretty selfish tbh, only you know if you can look past it.

Sounds like the type to have one of those little horseshoe shaped leather purses and stands there raking round for coppers to pay for things.
YANBU, that's incredibly thoughtless of him

I already know I wouldn't live with him, he'd infuriate me.

Who on earth does this? I would have said there and then 'Did you really just buy an ice-cream for the two of you without even thinking to offer my child'? And made it clear that I was very unimpressed by his behaviour. But to be honest, I would dump someone who was this thoughtless!

It's indicative of his attitude to you and your child and sounds like it's a pattern of behaviour. You're right to notice and the fact that he just offered you some of his rather than say, 'oh how thoughtless of me, I'll get both of you one too' indicates it wasn't just a moment of being on autopilot.

I would end a relationship with someone who was stingy and thoughtless

Nah, nope.

I’d probably end it over that to be fair, it
just shows a lack of thought not only towards you, and more unforgivable, but your child.

also, because I’m petty, I’d send a message telling him how much his child’s deer food cost so he can transfer 🙃

also, I wouldn’t do what he did to a friend and their child. Let alone a partner!!

Everybody is offered an ice cream or nobody has one. It doesn't matter if you are partners or friends or just friends because of the children. The whole group should be considered when it's something like this. If he couldn't afford to buy four ice creams then he should have quietly commented to you he was a bit skint but wanted to treat his child.

He's not entirely selfish, but he is thoughtless.
Sometimes, in some instances, those two words mean the same thing. He was selfish AND thoughtless, and actually also cruel.

I agree that it was the thoughtlessness that's so unattractive. Standing and eating an ice cream in front of a child that wasn't even asked if they wanted one is almost pointedly selfish behaviour.

Never ever try to feed deer. Even if enclosed they are wild animals and it is incredibly dangerous, for them and you.

I had a guy who did this. I asked him if he was planning to buy my teens a Christmas gift and his response was, 'Are they getting me something?' I know that after we broke up he moved on with a woman who had 3 kids of her own. I remember feeling a bit sorry for her at the time, although I also knew he was telling her a pack of lies about me and how I tried to take his money. 😂. Their marriage lasted 18 months. Some folks just can't see past themselves and their own children. It isn't even stinginess, it's like nobody else counts. This guy does not sound like a keeper, OP.

He's showing you what he'd be like to live with in small scale.

My stepfather made it very clear I wasn't welcome in his home for 10 years despite the fact my mum moved us in with him (I finally got out aged 17).

It has left lasting damage to me despite that marriage having ended 25 years ago now.

For your child's sake, never ever move in with this man.

This would be the end for me.