AIBU to have the ick over this?

[InconsiderateBoyf]

I'm in what some would consider a long term relationship. Been with my boyfriend a few years. Don't live together, each have one child similar ages, rarely spend time all together with the children too, just due to busy lives (I work weekends)

So this weekend we went to a large park which also has deer there...on entry I'd bought both our children animal feed, so they could feed the deer.
A short while after, boyf goes into the little shop and reappears with ice creams... initially I thought he'd bought us all one, then noticed there was only two.
Great I thought, he's bought both our children one...but no! He'd bought himself and his child one, no fucks given whatsoever about my child.

Now, I don't expect handouts. But these ice creams were £1 each. But it's more the fact he didn't consider my child.

I think it was a bit of a realisation at how selfish this man can be and has made me reconsider our whole relationship, to be honest.

AIBU to be so peeved by this? It has given me the serious ick.

He’s weird! What on earth is he teaching his child by being so stingy, selfish and thoughtless?
Also, he’s never bought your child a birthday or Christmas present? Yeah, I’d be ditching this one.

His livings standards are poor.

I wouldn't want to live with someone that lives like a messy teenager, so whilst I have spent time with him, I don't want to end up living with someone that I feel like a nagging mother to. Hence I know I wouldn't live with him, unless he drastically changes his lifestyle.

That would give me the massive ick too. Stinginess and being unthoughtful (sp?) are incredibly unattractive qualities.

That is so selfish and not child centered at all. Even if I was out with another parent as a friend, I would check everyone could have ice cream before buying any.

Disgusting piece of shit he is, sorry. Dump him.

Same. I went to Tesco with my nieces and great niece and wanted a dessert for myself so brought everybody one of their choosing. I cannot imagine ignoring the people I was with and not even asking if they wanted anything. And you cannot train people to be considerate.

That’s crass of him especially as you’d already bought his child animal food during the same trip so he can’t claim he was unsure of expectations!!!!

Doesn't sound like a keeper to be honest.

Got to ask, why are you with him?
Just filling time?

He doesn't sound like a great catch!

Sadly, I think this is naturally his personality, totally reasonable to have the ick.

Sometimes it takes a moment like this for the scales to fall from your eyes.

Agree. I wondered if he was just thoughtless. He and OP don’t live together and if he is used to outings just being him and his child, he may have been on ‘autopilot’ when he bought the ice creams. That being the case I’d have expected him to be back to the shop when OP raised it - not offering her a bit of his.

OP says she wouldn't live with him as she’d find him irritating, so you have to wonder where the relationship is going.

dump him but go back to the park. £1 for an ice cream is ridiculously good value these days!

The OP explained thy have been in a relationship for a few years and they were out for a day with their respective children,she had bough the animal feed for both children (not just her and her own child) so it seems unreasonable her bf didn't "reciprocate" by buying both children an ice cream surely?

I wasn't aware before.

We didn't introduce children until after a year. And even then it was in very small doses and not often - as in, they wouldn't see one another for months at a time and then it'd be a fleeting visit, eg. a quick trip to the park.

Nothing has changed lately.
Yesterday was the first time we'd done a 'bigger' outing together in six months.

Sack him off.

Sounds like there are enough examples of his thoughtlessness. Either you accept that or leave.

Well, this one has shown you his true colors pretty quickly and you have blinders on. He should have been dumped the first time you bought his kid something and he ignored your child.
I hope you are dumping him now and realizing you and your child deserve so much better.

I know, I was really surprised!!

If you’re out with someone with your kids and you get ice cream, generally I think you should buy it for all children. Unless it’s a massive group - then each adult can get them for their own offspring. I would get the ick from that tbh.

I would feel the same OP. Like you said, I wouldn’t be bothered if he hadn’t got me an ice cream, but to not buy my child one in this situation would really upset me.

You, and your child, deserve better.

In which case could it just have been thoughtlessness on his part ? If it’s just him and his child out together on a regular basis, could he just have bought the two ice creams out of habit ? But then I’d have expected him to go back to the shop for two more once it dawned on him, not to offer you a bit of his !!

I mentioned it and he then offered me a bit of his one

This is even worse, TBH. So he & you shared, his DC had their own, and the only person without any ice cream was a CHILD? He’s a dick. I’m glad you bought your DC one in the end, but anyone who leaves out a child like this is completely out of order.

Being very generous, I would guess that he's really immature and clueless. If he doesn't have his child full time maybe he's used to just getting things for the two of them and isn't used to a group dynamic 😂 can you imagine if he went out with friends with kids and did this, they'd think he was a right w-anchor! 😂
But none of that really matters, because you would much prefer a grown up man to date, and deserve that, and I think you will find him one day!

He must be amazing in bed because I genuinely can’t see why else you’d be wasting your time on him.

I agree, how can he stand there and eat one, whilst a child is going without... So selfish

What did he say when you challenged him? That really seems socially inept.