AIBU to have the ick over this?

[InconsiderateBoyf]

I'm in what some would consider a long term relationship. Been with my boyfriend a few years. Don't live together, each have one child similar ages, rarely spend time all together with the children too, just due to busy lives (I work weekends)

So this weekend we went to a large park which also has deer there...on entry I'd bought both our children animal feed, so they could feed the deer.
A short while after, boyf goes into the little shop and reappears with ice creams... initially I thought he'd bought us all one, then noticed there was only two.
Great I thought, he's bought both our children one...but no! He'd bought himself and his child one, no fucks given whatsoever about my child.

Now, I don't expect handouts. But these ice creams were £1 each. But it's more the fact he didn't consider my child.

I think it was a bit of a realisation at how selfish this man can be and has made me reconsider our whole relationship, to be honest.

AIBU to be so peeved by this? It has given me the serious ick.

Yes, I mean... that's just weird, to accept gifts for his child from you, but not think he ought to reciprocate for your child.

What are his parents like? He seems to be lacking a few coats of social polish and it must have come from somewhere.

I think you need to tell him. 'Meaness to a child is a deeply, deeply unattractive trait.' And then dump him.

Well good on you, well done. But maybe next time only introduce someone who at least sees your kid as anything other than an empty space to ignore. Sorry to be blunt.

Good grief what a numpty! He's either ridiculously thoughtless or tighter than a gnats chuff.

Either way I'd be dumping him and telling him exactly why.

Even if you’re not a family unit you still offer out of good manners.
If I was out with a friend or my sister, I wouldn’t just go and get something for my child, I’d say “I’m getting ice cream, do you guys want some?”

Thoughtless and not generous - YANBU.

If I was out anywhere with my child and someone else with their child, I'd always say 'I'm getting us ice creams, do you guys want one?'. Whether I paid for it or not would depend, (if you'd bought my child deer food I definitely would) but I'd always ask and can't comprehend someone not doing that.

Not only is it tight and rude, it’s pretty nasty. Standing there eating them in front of your child without even thinking how bad it looks on him. Just so blatant. You can definitely do better, OP.

What are you doing wasting your time with such a mean loser.

I wouldn't want my child near a character such as him.

He's not good enough.

Yikes!

Hope you’re ok OP. It’s a horrible realization and unpleasant to see it being done to your child.

So why are you with him? You get one life only, and no do overs on your kid’s childhood. Why spend another second wasting your precious time with a selfish person who you can only tolerate in small doses?

What an opportunity you missed! The ice cream (I am imagining a 99, here) would have ended up squidged on the end of his nose. He has shown you who he is. Believe him.

Oh horrible. I stupidly actually married a man like this. Get rid. Not sure how you do it without being rude but you know what, he is bloody rude so have at it!

I could read the book 50 Shades of Gray because of a tiny thing at the beginning of the book. Before they get together, they have a coffee and he buys a muffin - just one for himself. Doesn't ask her if she wants one. He likes her but no muffin for her.

To buy ice creams for him and his daughter is mean of spirit.

But how would you know that until you start spending time together, which means eventually introducing them!

People can talk the talk and give the impression they're a remarkable parent.. but actions speak louder than words don't they.

What I am now seeing is that, yes, he's an adequate father. But a selfish inconsiderate dick of a 'step-father'...and not someone I want to continue to merge into my life with my child.

I think 'icks' never come out of the blue, our brains just haven't joined up the dots before! Once it happens all becomes crystal clear....

I've had to move my DP from potential life partner to "man I Shag and do things with when kids aren't here" due to his behavior around my DC - he's autistic and thoughtless. Not sure it's the right decision, I probably should end things but he has some up sides

Sometimes on here people jump straight to LTB for the most trivial acts, but I've gotta say, this is one of those minor incidents that has a major consequence.

I think you noticed it more because it involved your child, and I think you're right to have the ick over this.

Thoughtlessness is buying the ice-cream from the shop, coming out of the shop, realising what a thoughtless dick you are when you see child with no ice-cream. Saying how thoughtless of me, I'm really sorry, let me fix it. Go back into shop and buy child ice-cream.

He didn't. That says A LOT about him.

Thank you.

No I'm actually pretty upset and incredibly cross with myself for drawing in these types of arsehats.

Weird take. Who buys something for one child and not offer the other? Inconsiderate arse.

If my youngest brother wasn’t married with 3 kids I swear you’re dating him. I got the “ick” if that’s possible with a sibling over a very similar ice cream incident. I paid for lunch for his family of 5 and mine of 4 (about £150) and we went to get ice creams afterwards and he bought his 3 kids ice creams and left me to buy them for my two. That one incident made the scales fall from my eyes and reevaluate my entire adult relationship with him. I barely see him now as I realised what a selfish self centred prick he is who only saw me if I paid for everything.

You have bought his child multiple gifts and cards, and yet he never reciprocated?

This is going on a few years?

You need to look at why you would not realise that this alone is a red flag.

That he wouldn't throw £10 at a child he knows, when his own child has received gifts from that childs parent, is just so mean.

You need to feel angry that you have ignored this.
Why would you have your child around someone like this?

Better to be alone IMO.

So you dont even like him that much to live with him, he sounds awful, why on earth are you even with him?

Oh no Honey, don’t do this to yourself. You raised it and he still didn’t see the issue.

are you sure that he views your relationship the same way. You sound like two school mums who don’t know each other well on a play date for the kids

Been with my boyfriend a few years

So what's changed recently ? People don't suddenly become like this overnight.

Either you weren't aware before (in which case what's changed in your life ?). Or it's only just started (in which case what has changed in his ?).