AIBU to feel contextual offers are unfair after my son's results?

[ThatQuickLilacOrca]

Results Day last Thursday and son is beyond devastated. This experience has made us realise that there’s so much discrimination on children who have attended private school. We are not wealthy at all, DHs parents have helped us pay for our three children’s education. DH and I have normal jobs I work in the civil service and DH works in policy side of things for network rail.

Anyway I am saying this because of contextual offers why can’t everyone just get the same offer based on merit. Our son had an oxford offer he missed that he got AAA instead of his offer which was A A A now he cannot go to his dream university he was rejected as he missed the offer. He is planning to resit further maths again in hopes of getting an A and we will support him with that it’s just quite sad but he’ll get over it he’ll apply again for next year the school has been ever so supportive.

He overachieved on his offer yet there’s kids getting in with less grades than him just because of the schools they go to. We did initially think for him to go to grammar school for sixth form as we have friends who’s children left independently school for sixth form for grammar schools to get lower offers for Oxbridge and one of them messaged me saying “I told you so” as her son got into Oxford for the exact same course he was just given a lower offer. I am so annoyed

I guess this is a lesson for my son he has realised the world isn’t fair and it’s quite a motivator for him. He’s a hardworking boy, he has spent some is his summer in South America teaching maths, he went to a maths competition in America this summer too, this is a very dedicated boy we have spoken to the university but they wrong budge they’re willing for him to resit and reapply next year.

I think contextual offers should only really be for young carers, children who have been in foster care, children with disabilities etc not just because of your address and the school you go to that is very unfair. Most parents at Indys are catching onto this lots are sending their children to grammar schools/state schools so they get lower offers. It’s an awful system that we have in this country. I’m so hurt for him but I know this will motivate him. He’s our eldest and we were looking forward to dropping him off at Oxford not Durham, he out Durham as his insurance he never wanted to go there! They did accept him but what’s the point, he was so upset when he logged into UCAS to see that and some is my friends advice was that he should just go to Durham why should he go to a university he doesn’t want to to. He put them as insurance because it’s the smart thing to do but deep down he always thought he’d get into Oxford. He still went out and celebrated his friends but he’ll be back to school in September, he’s looking forward to visiting his friends that are going to university and he’s recently got a part time job at an art gallery and he’s loving it so at least he’s got an extra year to enjoy that.

Sorry for the rant. Any parent just wants their son to be happy he’ll get over it in a couple of weeks as his application needs to be in by Oct so we will have to just see how this round goes he’s willing to give it one more shot.

OP your son has missed his chance for Oxford.

You all need to accept that

Will Oxford accept re sits? My understanding is that generally they don’t.

My son has a friend who is an Somalian refugee who had an offer from Oxford to read classics, she is black and a lesbian, she has had to support her parents bringing up siblings. She missed the grades by slipping a grade in 2 A Levels. Despite the college she was at advocating her excellence Oxford didn't take her and she is now happy studying in Edinburgh .

Check your privilege.

By the way my DCs friend didn’t get into Oxford despite 3 a stars, state schools throughout, low income home and mixed race - we were convinced their background went against them

Both you and your son need to stop fixating on Oxford.

DS did 4 A levels at a private school. He got 3 A stars and an A. Still didn't get into Oxford. Neither did most of his friends.

It's fine. He went to his second choice uni and enjoyed it. And then got into Cambridge for masters.

There are many paths to success and it is important to make sure your kids know that.

Why can’t he sit two of his A levels again ? It’s allowed so why not he wants to get better grades so he’s entitled for wanting to study harder and get the grades he wants. He’s worked very hard this year has been tough for him for other personal reasons losing someone affects you and I’m proud of how far he’s come his grades were amazing based on what he’s dealt with in his final year of alevels. Unis allow resits and Oxbridge aren’t so strict on it he’s not going to study medicine.

I’m sure the system could do with improvements but actually you sound mad (towards children with far less advantages than yours) that paying for your child’s education didn’t have the outcome you wanted.

Is this post a hoax? Surely this can’t be true? Is this a reverse

No you're being stupid it must be your state school education . Parents who send their children to state school just don't give a shit about education. They could afford private school but they spent it all on sky TV and vapes. All of them .

@ThatQuickLilacOrca actually it's not necessarily the school. The offer is based more on the person.

If the university likes the student then they will offer lower. A friend of mine got offered 3 Es to go to Cambridgeshire. She got 3As anyway... (1990s)

I teach at a state school and a student I teach needed 3A* for Oxford which she got.

Your son has already had the privilege of a private school which offers smaller classes and more one to one time so he was already statistically much more likely to get an A* than someone from a state school.

How did he not get into Oxford with 3 A starts if that was his offer ? Ds got through his interview. The offer is a contract that makes no sense ? If you meet the offer they take you.

I this country likes to discriminate against children whose parents just want the best of the best for their children

Do you not think parents who send their children to state schools want the best for their children @ThatQuickLilacOrca

He can resit them ten times if he wants. It's just such a weird and odd waste of a year (or a decade). There are far more interesting ways he could spend his time

YANBU to be annoyed by the concept of contextual offers but YABU to be shocked by the outcome. This has been the situation for 15 years at least, your friend saw it coming and so should you.

i wouldn’t bother with Durham, it’s all Oxbridge rejects feeling sore. However he should consider one of the London universities if they would take him with those grades - Imperial and LSE are just as good, if not better than Oxford for maths-related degrees. KCL and UCL also obviously excellent and London has so much more to offer students as a city than Oxford.

You think all parents supporting their kids through post 16 education don’t want the besst
for their kids? Is that the preserve only of those who can afford to pay for private education? Is this even real? It reads like clickbait troll crap

As for not toffs cos you went to Edinburgh. Is that the same Edinburgh that was in the news for bullying working class and Scottish kids because of their accents? The same uni who were forced to bring out a guidance on how not to discriminate against the locals or act as snobs? I’m sure your little tarquin will do just fine there.

Our postcode means my DCs will get contextual offers. We are a coastal community in one of the most deprived areas of the country. Teacher recruitment and retention here is tough. We also don’t have a lot of easy access to extra curriculum activity as sometimes it literally feels we are at the end of the line. To get to the nearest large town/city is a 30 min drive/train or hour by bus. For our young people, contextual offers are a lifeline and a real chance to improve their circumstances - so no, they’re not unfair. But if parents are moving children out of independent into state for sixth form, that I question - similar to getting baptised purely to get into a catholic school

He doesn't need to resit. He did very well (ok, he didn't get into Oxford) but honestly, so flippin' what? Why are you letting one sodding university dictate the outcome of someone's life?!

He needs to concentrate on his future, and the bigger picture. What does he want to do career wise?

My understanding is some top universities don’t accept resits. I’d take careful advice from the university and school.
Grammar schools don’t get contextual offers. My DD’s friend got one on postcode, he lived in a deprived town and commuted by train to the grammar sixth form. But it was where he lived nothing to do with school.
It’s a privilege to have another year paid in school fees to resit.
It’s a gamble as he may not get another offer from the universities he had offers from this year.
Hopefully chance to reflect and grow up a bit. Madness to put an Insurance university he hated.

I went to Durham, it’s a perfectly fine university and I had an amazing time there. I didn’t apply for Oxbridge despite being the top student at my grammar school because I thought it would be full of stuck-up, entitled private school snobs. This thread has not disabused me of that view.

Contextual offers are perfectly fair. Your son has had every privilege money can buy, so he would have been expected to get the best grades. Sadly in the end he wasn’t quite good enough.

YABU.

Oxbridge do not make EE offers anymore.

They used to do this in the 90s.

I think this country likes to discriminate against children whose parents just want the best of the best for their children

Wow.

It sounds like your son has had every opportunity for his A levels along with the motivation to do his best and get to Oxford and yet he hasn’t made the grades. Maybe he just isn’t an A student in this subject. What happens if he doesn’t get the next year either?

As disappointing as this may be for your son. Perhaps he is meant to be on a different path!

OP, Kindly , you are in denial

He will not get into Oxford with resit results. The chances are so remote it is far more likely he will waste a whole year.

I think you all need to unpick why you are all so focussed on Oxford at the expense of other excellent universities.

I am not bothered by what uni our son decided to go to. It is his decision. He did not want to go to Durham. Maybe that’s a failure in us as parents because we brushed it off. He was warned putting an insurance choice that he doesn’t want to go to is a bad idea. We’ve always known he didn’t want to go to Durham we will do better next time as parents and he will put an insurance choice that he wants to go to.

Either way I am not going to force him to go to a uni he doesn’t want to go to. I won’t be the one studying it’s him. It’s his decision he’s 17 he’s got time he’s one of the youngest in his year, so young when he first started school they wanted to put him in the year below because of his birthday.

It was a stressful day for him because Oxford had him in a waiting pool so at first he didn’t even have a uni as they were still making a decision because he was so close since they can see the marks that the applicants get and they have access to the grace boundaries they call it a near miss reject. We were in touch with them.

maybe you’d be better to make him realise that paid for education or not he’s not quite clever enough for Oxford.

Very obviously her DS either didn’t get an interview or didn’t get an offer - despite going on to achieve 3 A *s. As is the case with many many incredibly able children. Going to Oxbridge isn’t a right you know?

You do realise he might not get an interview / offer this time round? He’d have to do the whole process again. Including any entry test if it’s a subject that requires one.