AIBU to feel contextual offers are unfair after my son's results?

[ThatQuickLilacOrca]

Results Day last Thursday and son is beyond devastated. This experience has made us realise that there’s so much discrimination on children who have attended private school. We are not wealthy at all, DHs parents have helped us pay for our three children’s education. DH and I have normal jobs I work in the civil service and DH works in policy side of things for network rail.

Anyway I am saying this because of contextual offers why can’t everyone just get the same offer based on merit. Our son had an oxford offer he missed that he got AAA instead of his offer which was A A A now he cannot go to his dream university he was rejected as he missed the offer. He is planning to resit further maths again in hopes of getting an A and we will support him with that it’s just quite sad but he’ll get over it he’ll apply again for next year the school has been ever so supportive.

He overachieved on his offer yet there’s kids getting in with less grades than him just because of the schools they go to. We did initially think for him to go to grammar school for sixth form as we have friends who’s children left independently school for sixth form for grammar schools to get lower offers for Oxbridge and one of them messaged me saying “I told you so” as her son got into Oxford for the exact same course he was just given a lower offer. I am so annoyed

I guess this is a lesson for my son he has realised the world isn’t fair and it’s quite a motivator for him. He’s a hardworking boy, he has spent some is his summer in South America teaching maths, he went to a maths competition in America this summer too, this is a very dedicated boy we have spoken to the university but they wrong budge they’re willing for him to resit and reapply next year.

I think contextual offers should only really be for young carers, children who have been in foster care, children with disabilities etc not just because of your address and the school you go to that is very unfair. Most parents at Indys are catching onto this lots are sending their children to grammar schools/state schools so they get lower offers. It’s an awful system that we have in this country. I’m so hurt for him but I know this will motivate him. He’s our eldest and we were looking forward to dropping him off at Oxford not Durham, he out Durham as his insurance he never wanted to go there! They did accept him but what’s the point, he was so upset when he logged into UCAS to see that and some is my friends advice was that he should just go to Durham why should he go to a university he doesn’t want to to. He put them as insurance because it’s the smart thing to do but deep down he always thought he’d get into Oxford. He still went out and celebrated his friends but he’ll be back to school in September, he’s looking forward to visiting his friends that are going to university and he’s recently got a part time job at an art gallery and he’s loving it so at least he’s got an extra year to enjoy that.

Sorry for the rant. Any parent just wants their son to be happy he’ll get over it in a couple of weeks as his application needs to be in by Oct so we will have to just see how this round goes he’s willing to give it one more shot.

DS went to a state school where they were constantly left without teachers for months on end. He needed higher grades than the person sitting next to him in class due to household income. Now that I do not consider fair at all. He was the only from his cohort to go to university from his school that year.

I can’t get over the sheer arrogance of assuming you will get into Oxbridge. Thats actually insane. Hundreds of amazing candidates of all types don’t get in. He needs a real attitude adjustment.

I would want him to work in a restaurant or on a building site or similar amongst normal people to earn money then travel widely for a sodding reality check. Get him out of his private school “Oxford or die” bubble. His character development sounds like it needs work.

Now that I sympathise with. A child can live in a cramped two-bed terrace with both parents on minimum wage BUT not in a postcode that qualifies them for contextual, while the child sitting next to them in class lives in a four-bed detached and parents earn well above minimum wage but their postcode does qualify. We have similar where we live. And yes, that is not fair.

This. Why would they pick your son who has needed to do results over somebody who hasn't needed to?

Basically he didn’t work hard enough to get the grades required and now you’re crying about it because little Tarquin should still be offered a place like the state school povvos who got the same grades as him? Get a grip. Oxbridge still have a lot to do in terms of widening access.

TBH I still think part of going to Oxbridge is simply having the name on your CV to open more doors, which it absolutely shouldn’t because it literally just means you did well in A Levels (and in many cases this is because mum and dad paid for private school or tutors). I feel a person could get a 2:2 from Oxford and still look better than someone with a first from another Russell.

Widening participation was introduced in 1998. I clearly remember it as a young member of University staff as was DH at the time.

In theory it’s a good idea but in practice I have some issues with it.

We live in a deprived area allegedly and it is but there is a pocket of about six roads that are not remotely deprived, my neighbour has an indoor swimming pool for example. But DH last place of work would have classed us as deprived and it would have been a contextual offer , along with DS slightly worse than a bog standard comp.

What has happened did as foreseen by both of us all those years ago is too many graduates, there is no way graduate level jobs were ever going to increase to the level of graduates that now exist. it was always a short sighted but well meaning policy.

Overall private education is unfair as is life but then again social engineering is imperfect, works for some and not others.

@JuliettaCaeser how personable someone counts for a lot, overlooked a lot especially on here. People struggle to look at their children objectively. If you do manage to there can be some guilt, I knew DS would be academically outstanding and that DD would be academically average. But more than that she was shy and he was very outgoing.

I have met many academically outstanding students, all past A level. There were many I would not have employed, being academic is just not enough.

No it doesn't. He's had everything and didn't make the cut. It's a shame for him but absolutely the right answer. I did my a levels while working 2 jobs to support a household in crisis. That's the people he's up against. I got home from work at 10pm. I studied on the school bus, I shared a room with 3 younger sisters so any studying at home was done sat on the stairs of a 3 bed terrace with life going on around me. Even at university I never owned a textbook, I took each one out for the max time from the library and the returned and went without for a few weeks.

Your son has done his best while being given the best and didn't measure up. My children will also not know hardship thank God and they'll do what they do based on their ability and I'd be embarrassed to be you

You do realise that wealth does not make you academically outstanding and not having wealth does not make you lack ability right.🤔

Unis widen participation in several ways-targeted outreach, some contextual admissions and with financial and academic support. These strategies aim to increase access, retention, and success for underrepresented groups, such as low-income students, first-generation learners, and students with disabilities.

With outreach they collaborate with local schools in low-participation areas to raise aspirations and provide early academic intervention.They might host campus stays for prospective students to demystify university life or pair current undergraduates with disadvantaged high school students for guidance and tutoring.

With admissions they might lower standard entry grade requirements ( Oxford doesn’t)or make alternative offers for applicants from disadvantaged postcodes, low-performing schools, or those in local authority care. They might run structured, alternative route programs (such as the Manchester Access Programme) that grant successful completers reduced grade offers.

With support and retention they might offer dedicated bursaries, fee discounts, and travel grants to ease economic burdens…..

How on earth do you have issues with any of that and why are the rich more deserving of graduate jobs than the disadvantaged?

They won’t. Unless they are unsubscribed and need to fill places, which they aren’t and are unlikely to ever be.
Your little Princeling is also up against wealthy overseas families who make a lot more money for the university than U.K. students - shouldn’t you be more angry about that than giving U.K. students from deprived backgrounds a shot at an education that could genuinely help their and their families lives?

Exactly how sure are you that those other offers were contextual, and not (for example, if studying maths) lower offers based on exceptional TMUA results?

Oxford doesn’t do contextual offers.

It looks like her friends kid was given a lower offer and she thought it was because they had gone to state 6th form but was probably because of this or because they came across better at interview. I don't know, maybe his mummyvboew so much cheaper smoke up his ass he expected to walk into Oxford, and either made little to no effort in one of those or came across badly? Just a guess.

Oxbridge doesn't do contextual offers in the same way.
But anyway, you tried to "game" the system by paying for your child's education. How is that any different?
Of course the context of where a child is studying and how they are taught should be taken into account - it's an attempt to level a very uneven playing field.

Your posts come across as quite unpleasant tbh. The truth is your son, with all the advantages you gave him, didn't work hard enough & didn't get the grades.
But he has good enough grades to study somewhere else.

This is a good life lesson for him and perhaps you too. You have discovered that throwing money at a situation doesn't always work.

I hope your son moves on from his disappointment and finds somewhere else to study because, having had kids go through Oxbridge myself, if he isn't up to it at A level he will really struggle there.

The OP's DS has done really well. OP you need to work on your negativity, his poor self esteem as a result of your perpetual disappointment will do more harm than any lack of Oxford degree!

Your friend’s child probably just did a better interview OP.

Just another thought on this thread. I do think it is worth your son retaking - if only to close the chapter and, of course, he also may make it in.

What I would say is that I went to one of the second tier Oxbridge reject unis mentioned here.
I did not apply to Oxbridge - like a past poster my family worked in very blue collar jobs. Noone prior to me had been in education beyond 14 and I came from a very deprived part of the country. I did benefit from an assisted place however, which made this jump possible. And in the absence of those today, I absolutely believe in contextual offers.

I was absolutely delighted to go to my Oxbridge reject university and couldn’t believe I had made it in! I had a wonderful time and the name and opportunities has really helped my career.

What marred the experience was a couple students who had missed their grades for their Oxbridge offers in my tutor groups from privileged backgrounds - public schools, endless generations at Oxford and parents in high powered jobs - moaning and behaving like the rest of us were thick peasants for three years!

I am sure your son would not do that and I met only one or two like this. But it left me feeling that on a psychological level it is important for these young people to gain closure.
We should not underestimate that there is a genuine psychological impact from setting your sights in something, seen by society as potentially life-changing and then narrowly missing out - even if kids put a brave face on it.

I do think if those young people had been allowed to retake and then work a year, they would have enjoyed their non Oxbridge uni experience more and have been more understanding of the fact that others had undertaken different, challenging journeys of their own.